Walking in Shadows
by ickleiss
Summary: Kind of Severitus challenge but this time Voldemort finds out about the relationship between Harry and Snape, forcing the two of them into a dangerous charade, where the truth has to be kept from the side of the light at all costs. Post HBP
1. Fall Apart

**Walking In Shadows **

Disclaimer (One for all): Not mine, don't sue!

If you like, please review!

Chapter 1 – Fall Apart

To say Lucius was having a bit of trouble would be an understatement, especially considering this bit of trouble was at this moment biting any part of him it could get its teeth on, scratching any part of him it could get its nails into and being an all round pain in the arse. This bit of trouble that Lucius was referring to was of course one Harry James Potter.

'Bring him here, Lucius.' Voldemort hissed at him. 'Have you never heard of restraining spells?' The anger coming from the Dark Lord was palpable.

However this was nothing compared to the anger Lucius felt at this moment. He had just risked his life to bring this snivelling piece of filth to the Dark Lords feet, something Voldemort had been wanting since knowing of the boys soon to be existence, and now he was acting as if Lucius had done something terribly wrong. He finally managed to drop the wiggling piece of flesh in front of his leader and, still panting hard, he bowed and kissed the dark man's robes.

'I am sorry My Lord.' He said, trying to put as much respect into his voice as he could. 'I needed both hands just to keep hold of the little whelp, I had no time to go for my wand.'

'Call yourself a wizard.' He said, turning to look down at the boy by his feet. His anger turned to elation and he smiled as Harry tried his hardest to find his feet, which was hard with his feet tied together. He kicked Harry away from him and then turned back to Lucius.

'You obviously had enough time to tie his feet together.' He grated out. 'Would it have been too easy for you to tie his wrists as well or are you so thick that it didn't occur to you.'

Lucius bowed his head and tried to keep the same respectful tone he had perfected throughout his years in the Dark Lord's service. 'I was discovered.' He said, knowing that Voldemort was not going to like that. 'I didn't have time to make sure he was properly restrained. I am already an escaped convict, I daresay next would have been the dementors kiss if they still had them on their side.'

Voldemort raised his eyebrow in a way that reminded Lucius of Severus. 'So you couldn't even do that much right. You have been … a disappointment.'

Lucius waited for the final blow but it did not happen. Instead, 'How is your son these days, Lucius?'

'He-he's learning my Lord. I promise you he will not fail you again. You have been lenient and I—'

Voldemort laughed. 'Your arm, Lucius.' He said calmly.

Lucius willingly held out his left arm and with that…

***

A soft, almost inaudible hiss came from depths of a potions laboratory in a dilapidated house in Spinners End. Severus Snape dropped the container of bats eyes and let the contents skitter across the floor as he curled his hand over his forearm in an effort to stop the pain. It did nothing of the sort of course.

What could the Dark Lord want at this time of night? Whatever it was it could not be good. Cursing, Snape extinguished the fire underneath his cauldron, grabbed his cloak and mask and was just about to leave when Wormtail came stumbling into the room, still in his nightclothes, wide-eyed and clutching his left arm.

'He – what – it's nearly midnight—'

'Stop your incessant whinging Wormtail and get something descent on. I'm certainly not waiting until you've got yourself together. I do not have a death wish.'

With that he stalked out the room, black robes billowing out behind him.

***

As the robed and masked figures started apparating around the clearing Voldemort turned back to Lucius. 'Would you be so kind as to just collect Mr Potter and bring him back here?' He said in a mock polite voice.

Lucius turned round and the cursed as he saw that Harry had been half crawling, half dragging himself toward the forest. He stalked after him in frustration, caught him around the middle and carried him fireman style back toward the dark Lord. He bowed low again, donned his mask and took his place in the slowly increasing circle of bodies, between Avery and Severus. He smirked at his old friend and Snape smirked back, the expression only noticed through the slight crinkling of the eyes, the only part of the face not hidden by the white masks.

'This, my friends, is a triumphant night.' Voldemort said in little more than a whisper that was still heard clearly all around the circle of onlookers. 'It is the night when Harry Potter is finally put in his rightful place.'

Some of the Death Eaters laughed. Lucius was one of the few who did not. He and the others only stared straight ahead at the red-eyed demon before them.

'But before this is done,' Voldemort carried on. 'I think a little entertainment is in order.' At this the laughter was a lot more pronounced and a few of the death eaters shifted in anticipation. 'Crabbe, Goyle, come here and tie him up.'

The two biggest people there eagerly stepped forward. They each grabbed an arm and pulled Harry up until his feet no longer touched the floor. They tied his hands onto a rope that seemed to be hanging from an invisible ceiling, leaving Harry swinging in the air and particularly vulnerable.

Crabbe and Goyle backed away to rejoin the circle. Voldemort's piercing eyes roamed the circle and landed on the tall figure next to Lucius.

'Severus.' He hissed. 'Come forward.'

Harry's eyes swivelled round to glare at the approaching figure. Snape strode forward confidently, eyes shining. He stopped opposite the Dark Lord and fell to his knees.

'Master.' He murmured reverently, looking up at the Dark Lord in what looked like admiration.

Voldermort smiled and placed his hand on top of Snapes head. 'Severus, I have a task for you that I think you'll enjoy very much.'

'Yes Master.' Snape murmured.

'I'm giving you the pleasure to do what you have always wanted to do to your star pupil in class.' The smirk that came over Snapes face was easily distinguishable in his eyes as he walked toward Harry's hanging form. Harry jerked and his eyes widened.

***

He never really knew what had happened. He couldn't even understand how Lucius had gotten round the wards because there was absolutely no warning and suddenly he was there. It was so sudden in fact, and so quick, that Harry had no chance of fighting back. He vaguely wondered where his relatives were and found himself hoping they were all right, before realising he should be more worried for himself. He didn't remember much after the first spell was thrown his way until he heard voices and footsteps downstairs. Then he heard Lucius above him curse loudly and only then realised that his feet were tied. That was when he started to fight back.

Now though, he was feeling something distinctly different. A lot of it was anger, he knew but as Snape walked slowly up to him with a lecherous look on his face Harry couldn't help the fear that coursed through him as well as the deep loathing he felt for the man. When Snape incanted a few words under his breath and flicked his wand like you would do a whip Harry's whole body became overcome with fear so much that the anger was forgotten. As Snape had flicked his wand a long thick red tendril had come shooting out of it and Harry realised that it actually was a whip, one of the magical kind.

Harry realised that he was now shaking and Snape reached up and took off his mask so that Harry could see his whole face and the wide smirk he wasn't trying to hide.

'Oh Potter, scared are we?' He said in a mocking voice.

Harry tried to calm his breathing, he didn't want Snape to know how scared he was but he figured that it was probably a bit late for that. He felt like hissing out the word 'Traitor' at him but what would that achieve? He promised himself he would keep his vow of silence. He was not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing him beg.

'Now I am going to ask you some questions.' Snape said coldly. 'And if you get them wrong I can finally punish you with something a bit more interesting than loss of house points or detentions.'

Harry didn't make a sound. His arms were already aching as they were holding the rest of his body in the upright position and he tried to struggle free once more to no avail.

Snape laughed harshly. 'Question number one.' Harry could hear the laughter of the other death eaters in his ears. 'What would I get if I added powered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?'

Harry of course knew the answer to this question and Snape knew that he knew it. Still he vowed he would not give in to him and he kept his silence. It took only a few seconds for the worst pain in his life to flare up all around him as the whip made sudden contact with his back. He couldn't help it, he screamed. The pain was more than excruciating and Harry could smell burning that was making him feel sick. Anger rose up again inside him like an uncoiling Snake and he stared daggers at the man beside him.

Snape was unperterbed. 'Answer me Potter or the next one will be a lot worse.'

Harry kept silent again and the next strike had him screaming so loud he felt his voice going hoarse.

'Answer me!' He heard the commanding voice again through his haze of pain and this time, without realising it or wanting it he felt his lips move of their own accord.

'A sleeping potion.' He ground out.

'What about it?' Came the mocking voice next to his ear. He could hear the death eaters laughing again.

'It's so powerful that…' he licked his dry lips, 'that it is known as the Draught of Living Death.'

'Good, good.' He heard Snapes mocking voice again. 'You are learning aren't you? Isn't this a lot easier than trying to get things out of you in class?'

Harry didn't say anything.

'Tell me Potter, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?'

The hatred coming off of Harry could be felt in waves but he answered nevertheless, his mouth moving of it's own accord again. 'The stomach of a goat.' He croaked.

'And what is the difference between monks—'

'They are the same plant that also goes by the name of aconite.' Harry interrupted. That was a mistake.

He heard the swish of the whip before he felt it and his world was enveloped in pain again as he was left gasping with the force of it.

'Don't interrupt me again Potter.'

Harry seethed and bit his lip to prevent the gurgle at the back of his throat from breaking through.

'What kind of blood needs to be added to make a strengthening solution?' Snape asked.

'Um,' Harry had to think about that one for a moment. _What was it? We only made it two years ago._ Snape started to raise the whip. 'S-Salamander blood.' Harry managed to gasp out.

Snape let the whip fall to his side, smiling cruelly. 'I don't know which is more satisfying Potter, causing you pain or the power in making you do as I say.'

Harry said nothing, just trying to forget the pain by focusing on the very urgent need he had to pee.

'In the Mutatio Verfere it is important to stir the potion which way after adding the snake venom?'

Harry had never heard of the potion before, let alone knew what it meant. He was sure they had never done it in class so far.

'Um, anti-clockwise.' He hazarded a guess.

The whip came done again and Harry gritted his teeth in an effort to ride out the pain. It hardly helped as a soft gurgling noise still made its way through.

'It was a fifty-fifty question, Potter.' Snape said in irritation, actually sounding very much like he does in class.

This went on for a while, how long Harry did not know because he was in his own little world of pain throughout most of it. The only noises that Harry could hear almost constantly were the laughing of the other death eaters, his fast, shallow gasps and the wild beating of his heart. At least with the last he could tell he was still alive. It was not much but it was the only thing he had to cling onto.

All too soon Snape's voice was drowned out by the haze that clouded Harry's brain. The pain was almost constant as Harry could neither hear the questions nor hope to answer them anymore and he knew he was close to passing out.

***

After a some time Voldemort called a halt to the proceedings and Snape grudgingly stepped away, gave his wand another little flick and the red tendril retracted back into his wand.

'Good show.' The Dark Lord said.

Snape bowed low and kissed his robes again. 'Thank you for the pleasure Master.'

Voldemort smiled a particularly cunning smile and he saw Snape give a look of confusion for a moment but he still walked slowly back to his place in the circle.

Voldemort pointed his wand lazily in Harry's direction and the rope lengthened slightly so that Harry's feet could touch the ground, although he still had to keep his arms up above his head and his legs hardly had the strength to hold him up anyway.

'Now,' Voldemort said to the crowd around him. 'I know you are all very eager to know exactly how Lucius was able to get through the wards of Potters home. Even Lucius himself is wandering that, aren't you?' He said, turning to Lucius.

'Yes Master.' Lucius murmered.

'I would like to say that it was extremely tricky and dangerous … but it was neither, because as of midnight last night the wards around Potters home became non-existent.'

There was a low murmer at that as the Death Eaters whispered among themselves.

'Quiet!' The dark Lord hissed. 'And let me explain.' He carried on in a deadly whisper and that same sly smile. 'At exactly midnight last night, young Harry here came of age, and at exactly the same time … _this_ happened.'

With that Voldemort took a rolled up piece of scroll from his pocket and held it up for everyone to see. With a flick of his hand it unrolled to show a list of around seventeen names. The last one of which still appeared to be wet as if it had been newly quilled in. The name of course was 'Harry James Potter.'

Gasps could be heard throughout the Dark Lords followers but one sound was unmistakable among them. It was the sound of someone half screaming, half choking, perhaps like the sound of a cat when someone has stepped on its tail.

Voldemort's smile became more pronounced as it sought out the producer of the noise. Severus Snape was on his knees, hands over his face, looking for all intents and purposes like he was going to be sick.

Lucius looked coldly down at him in some surprise and a little amusement. 'My, my, Severus.' He said. 'Whoever would have guessed?'

'Who indeed?' The Dark Lord added.


	2. Bonding

Chapter 2 - Bonding

'Severus, come.' Voldemort commanded of his servant.

As Snape stumbled over towards the Dark man Harry looked on in slight confusion. The confusion was only slight because, as interesting as this was, he just couldn't get his mind off the pain that seemed to be dancing all over his body, not just his back. In fact, he thought in dismay, that was not strictly true considering he could not actually feel his arms at all, let alone any pain in them. _Thank heaven for small mercies_. He thought sarcastically.

By now Snape was kneeling in front of his master, long hair hiding his face from Harry's view. _I hope he tortures him._ Harry thought to himself.

'Severus, look at me.' Voldemort said in a semblance of compassion.

Snape looked up at him and Harry thought he was about to be sick at the look of admiration he saw in Snape's eyes.

'Master?' Snape murmured in a pleading voice.

Voldemort placed a hand on top of Snapes greasy hair, as if giving him comfort. 'Severus, I know.' He said.

Harry certainly didn't know. He had absolutely no clue what was going on and his curiosity was now overriding his need to pee and the pins and needles that had just started shooting up and down his arms. In fact this last feeling was one of relief for Harry because it meant that he at least still had some feeling in his arms, even if it was extremely painful.

'Severus, you know it to be true.' Voldemort was saying, still in that sickly comforting voice that Harry was sure must be fake.

'Yes Master.' Snape said and Harry had the uncomfortable feeling that Snape was about to cry. But of course he did not.

'I assume it was because of Potter.' Voldemort carried on, leaving Harry in more confusion.

'Of course.' Snape said bitterly. Voldemort's hand was still resting on top of his head. 'A lot of good that did. He didn't even know.' Snape said reproachfully and a little angrily. 'Nor did I.' He finished softly, sounding completely lost.

'Why?' Voldemort asked.

'Because…' Snape glanced in Harry's direction and turned back quickly, looking sickened. 'He looked -no looks- so much like Potter … and he must have been very late.'

'But he is your son.' Voldemort said matter-of-factly.

Harry's whole world suddenly spun. He didn't need to be mentioned by name to know it was him they were talking about. The whole thing suddenly made sickening, dreadful sense.

'Yes.'

That was it. Harry's fate seemed to be sealed with that one word. He was Snape's son. He knew it unmistakably. There had been no clues before this night but from this one conversation Harry knew it to be clearly true. Suddenly the pain in his arms no longer seemed that interesting.

'But … I can't.' Snape said, sounding as though he had no clue what to say or indeed of what he was saying. 'He's Potter … he's the Boy Who Lived … he- he's … I can't stand him.'

'He is not a Potter as you well know. He has no ties to James.' Voldemort said. 'You will grow to accept him.'

'No—' Snape started but he was cut off.

'Yes!' Voldemort thundered. 'You have no choice in any case. You have … marked him.' Voldemort's smirk grew.

Snape's eyes widened imperceptibly and he turned round to stare at Harry's lacerated back. Harry could see some sort of realisation dawn as he turned back, although of what he had no clue.

'Master, you tricked me.' He said in a resigned voice.

Voldemort smiled once more. 'But of course my Severus. I knew you wouldn't take it upon yourself to mark him. Some wounds run … too deep.' He said, dragging a fingernail along Snape's jaw line. Both he and Harry shivered but Harry had to assume that it was for different reasons. 'It had to be this way; Harry will make a powerful asset as you well know, and you _will_ teach him.

'You will do my bidding and you will do it well. You have marked him and he now belongs to you in more than blood. You will take your responsibility and will soon realise that he is not his father. As such he is already bonded to me through his scar and blood and now through you as well. It will work Severus. Now take your son and go. I expect to be kept fully up to date and will send one of my servants to check up on your progress regularly.'

'Yes, master.' Snape said. He stood up and bowed, then turned swiftly and walked intently towards Harry. With a swish of his wand the chains holding Harry vanished and he unceremoniously crumpled to the ground. Snape unceremoniously grabbed hold of him and yanked him back up again.

Harry would have resisted but he had no energy in his arms or legs and had to accept defeat at this time. He had also been listening quite intently to Voldemort's words and had come to the hopeful conclusion that Snape was going to take away, although why he had no idea. Of course he wasn't sure that being anywhere with Snape would be any better than being dead, unless of course, he was torturing Snape at the time. That sounded like a good idea.

'Master.' Snape said. 'Does Lucius still have the portkey?'

'No, it was one way. But you will not need it, trust me.' Voldemort said. 'You can apparate with him Severus, you are bonded.

'Yes Master'

'I will remove Wormtail from your service so that you may be able to get to know your son. '

'Thank you Master.'

'Now, go to the edge of the clearing where you will be able to apparate with your son.'

'Yes Master.' With that Snape grabbed Harry by the hair and started dragging him along behind him. Harry was having a hard time trying to keep up and more than once his legs went out from under him but Snape would pull him back up again by his hair.

They had just moved out of the circle of Death Eaters when Voldemort's voice rang out again. 'That is no way to treat your son, Severus. Hold him properly.'

Even Harry could tell that it was an order rather than advise so Snape roughly let go of his hair and instead pulled him harshly by his arm the rest of the way towards the forest.

Just inside its reaches he pulled Harry towards him in a semblance of a hug and Harry had the sickening feeling of being shred into thousands of little pieces.

----------

As soon as Harry became aware of the feeling of being in one piece again he was again dropped to the ground- or more aptly put, pushed to the ground. He fell on a multitude of broken sticks, making his back scream in agony, and found himself looking blearily up into the canopy of trees just outside a run down and gloomy looking house that looked as if it had hardly been used.

'Follow me.' Said a crisp voice in front and above him. 'Come on, hurry up.'

Harry tried to push himself up with his arms, forgetting that he had absolutely no strength in them and ended up sprawled on his back on the forest floor again. This time he screamed at the contact to his lacerated back.

In a moment Snape was there staring down at him dispassionately. 'Forgotten how to stand, Potter?' He asked nastily.

Then Harry did something so crazy for the situation that Snape actually stumbled back a few places: he laughed. It wasn't a short bark of a laugh either, or a steady giggle. It was full out hilarious laughter, as if Harry had never heard anything so funny before.'

'Do you find something about this situation funny, Potter?' Snape asked. 'Because I certainly can not see it.'

'Potter?' Harry said when he had finally calmed down enough. 'Who's Potter?'

'You—' Snape floundered for a minute, which sent Harry into another fit of laughter.

'You have finally gone completely mad.' Snape said looking at him as if he was an alien he had only just set eyes on. 'But I am certainly not going to stay out here with you, playing hysteria.'

With that said he turned sharply, robe flying out behind him and started striding away.

'Well forgive me for seeming a bit reliant but you did just whip me half to death.' Harry shouted after him. 'And I wouldn't follow you unless it was to torture you anyway.'

Snape turned around and looked at him sharply. Then he chuckled mirthlessly. 'I'd like to see you try. But I don't see why I should feel guilty about whipping you half to death when you don't even know how long lace-wings have to be stewed for to make the polyjuice potion.'

'I do know that.' Harry said indignantly, even though he had never meant to start arguing with Snape about something as stupid as that. 'I never heard you ask me that.'

Snape looked at his fingernails in a bored fashion. 'I certainly can't help it if you were only half-conscious at the time. So what is the answer then?'

'Twenty-one days.' Harry replied automatically.

Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. 'And just how is it that you know that information?'

'I thought you said I should.' Harry said, trying to roll off his back without creating more pain.

'I was lying.' Snape replied. 'What would have been the point in asking things you knew the answer to. I'm sure the Dark Lord would have been positively bored. Now I want to know just why you know that information, because I'm sure you would never get it in any … orthodox way.'

'As if I'd let you in on it when you're willing to leave me out here to die.' Harry said brashly.

'I have more use for you yet Potter.' He replied and with that he flicked his wand at Harry's horizontal form and levitated him into the air, following along behind him.

'Bastard.' Harry mumbled under his breath.

'Ten points off Gryffindor.' Snape replied tersely.

---------

Five minutes later Harry was lowered none too gently onto a soft single bed, making him groan in pain.

'Are you forgetting the back you shredded?' Harry said.

'No.' Was Snape's reply as he lit the torches and the hearth in one flick of his robes.

'Figures.' Harry mumbled.

'What figures?' Snape asked while rummaging through a potions cabinet.

'Green.' Harry said, waving towards the bedspread. He could tell that he was still slightly delirious, the fact that he was thinking about the colour of the bed at a time like this attested to the fact.

Snape came out of the cabinet holding a small green bottle. 'Of course.' He smirked. 'Drink this.' He said holding it out towards him.

'What is it?' Harry asked suspiciously.

'It gives you riches beyond your wildest fucking dreams.' Snape said dryly. 'Now drink it.'

Harry stared at him in shock. _Did Snape just swear? _Yes, he was sure he had but he was still shocked. Although, thinking about it now, Snape did seem the type to swear seeing as he was always so angry. He probably just had to hold back when around students. _But now it's just his son it doesn't matter so much, hmm._ Harry thought bitterly.

'Fuck off.' He replied.

Snape raised an eyebrow. 'Oh? You like that stinging sensation on your back then? I never knew you had a thing for pain.'

Harry grunted and then tried to take the potion but his weakened hands would not grip the bottle and his arms felt dead and lifeless. Finally Snape sighed theatrically, as if Harry was doing it on purpose, and put the bottle to Harry's lips himself. Harry downed it one go. It tasted like lemon washing up liquid and he gagged on it a few times but after only a few seconds the pain in his back and arms started to ebb away a little.

Snape wasn't even paying any attention to him by then. He was pacing along the other side of the room, seemingly oblivious to Harry being there any more and looking angrier than Harry had ever seen him.

Harry let him pace in silence for a few minutes until he could hold back no longer. 'Do you wanna actually tell me what the hell is going on some time soon?'

Snape's head whipped back round to stare at Harry. 'No.' He said simply and then carried on pacing. The sick look still hadn't left his face.

'Well I'd like to know what the hell you're playing at. You just whipped me half to death and then willingly took the pain away. If you're gonna kill me you'd better just get on with it before I have the strength to do to you something I have been dreaming about all summer. You owe me an exp—' Harry started.

'I OWE YOU SHIT!' Snape roared at him. Two angry red blotches had come out on his cheeks while the rest of him was deathly pale. 'You have no idea what's just happened. You have no idea of the shit we've both just landed in.'

'Well maybe if you told me…' Harry said, getting angry himself, but before he could finish his sentence Snape had stalked out the room.

Harry could hear him ranting and raving for few minutes, banging cupboard doors as loudly as possible, until he came back in with a jar of some kind of cream and a pair of scissors. Harry watched him warily for a moment as Snape sat down on the edge of the bed next to Harry.

'Turn over onto your stomach.' He said in a deadened voice.

'Yeah right.' Harry said.

'Fine. Be in pain I certainly don't care about that but it will help you later on if you're able to move.'

Harry eyed the scissors one last time but remembered the potion and decided it was worth the risk and did as he was told.

He felt the cold metallic touch of the scissors on his bare skin before he realised Snape was cutting off the remains of his ripped T-shirt.

'I will tell you everything I know.' Snape said quietly. 'After all, you need to know. But don't interrupt, this may take a while.'

Harry shivered as he felt Snape rub some cold salve onto one of his wounds but he didn't say anything.

He heard a sigh above him and then…

'Seventeen years ago the Dark Lord wanted to recruit more followers, he wasn't very happy with the ones he had at the time. Lucius and I were probably his most loyal but I was very young and Lucius was very power hungry, something the Dark Lord was always concerned about. Most of all though he didn't like the way the children of his death eaters were turning out. They either didn't want to join him, were as power hungry as their parents or were too incompetent for him to want them to.

Snape stopped a moment as he moved to get more salve. After a short pause, at which he seemed to be thinking about what he was going to say, he started up again.

'The Dark Lord wanted to have some young followers that he knew would join him when old enough and that he knew would be loyal only to him, so he came up with a plan. It is called the Vinculeira charm, a very powerful spell that, if done correctly, would bond the person it is performed on to him eternally. That should do.'

'What?' Harry said loudly, sitting up suddenly in his anger.' You haven't told me anything.'

Snape glared at him irritatingly. 'I should stop telling you everything purely for your behaviour just now but alas, you need to know. I only meant that the amount of salve I've used on your back will do for now.'

'Oh.' Harry said, slightly chagrined. 'Well…carry on then.'

'Oh well thank you for the permission Potter.'

This time it was Harry's turn to glare. 'Yes. I want to know where my mother comes into this.' He said determinately.

'Oh of course you do.' Snape commented. 'You're not going to like it though.' Snape screwed the lid back onto the cream and put it on his bedside table. 'The Dark Lord got each of his loyal followers to invoke the spell on the woman of their choice who would, if things went well, become pregnant by them and the charm would be carried onto their unborn child.'

'And you chose my mother.'

'Yes.'

'Because of my father.'

'Who?'

'James.'

'Of course.' Snape smirked at him. 'As soon as the Dark Lord told us of his plan I thought of her. I wanted to get back at him for everything he had done to me.'

'By raping my mother!'

'I thought I told you not to interrupt.' Snape said reprovingly. He got up suddenly and started pacing again.

Harry only now took the time to look around the room he found himself in. After all, it wasn't every day you were allowed into Snape's living quarters. Harry had a feeling he would be spending a lot more time here than he could ever wish to but at this moment in time he was still telling himself that this was either all a joke or a very real dream.

The room was fairly small, the bed taking up most of the available space. There was a rickety wardrobe on the right hand side, a chest of draws on the left with a bookcase above it running the length of the wall that looked like it was falling apart, crammed full of books to bursting point. The only other things in the room were a bedside table, a sheepskin rug and two doors, one Harry supposed led to the bathroom. There was a large tome on the bedside table beside the lamp and Harry squinted his head to try to see the title as Snape carried on talking.

'Everything is not black and white.' He carried on, still pacing. 'Yes I did rape your mother but I could have done so in a much more brutal way than I did. I was a loyal Death Eater at the time so by all accounts I should have been more violent than I was.'

'What was you then?' Harry said coldly. He caught a word on the book cover that looked very much like 'potions' and decided he had seen enough.

'I drugged her.' Snape said plainly.

'Drugged her? As in…'

'An aphrodisiac.' Snape elaborated. 'It meant there was no physical force involved. With the potion she was only too happy to comply.'

'Oh, well that's okay then.' Harry said sarcastically. 'For a moment there I actually thought you had done something wrong.'

Snape glared again. He had been doing a lot of that lately but Harry couldn't bring himself to care at that moment.

'I laced the potion with a memory modification. The women chosen were not supposed to know they were carrying a mini death eater. However the potion obviously didn't work.'

'How do you know?' Harry asked.

'Because you are the spitting image of her husband.' Snape snapped. 'What, did you think that was a coincidence?' He sneered.

Harry shrugged.

'Someone must have done that and the only other person who knew about it was me. Evans was always very good at charm work and it doesn't surprise me that the potion didn't work on her.'

'Why?' Harry asked.

'Again do you think your being able to fight the imperius curse is just a coincidence or because you are just so amazing. Well I hate to break it you but it's neither, it's genetic. Your mother could fight the imperius curse and she passed that onto you. She could also fight other similar things like memory modifications. They are both to do with the mind and she was very good at controlling her mind. Something she obviously has not passed onto you.'

'What do you mean by that?' Harry asked, mildly affronted.

'One word. Occlumency. Something you will need to learn even if I have to drum it into your brain. But we are going off subject.' He said, sitting down again on the edge of the bed.

'Did my mum know it was you who did it?' Harry asked and was rewarded with another glare.

'If you keep asking questions we'll be here all night and I would like to get some sleep some time today. As far as I am aware she did not know, but then as far as I was aware before today she didn't know about any of it and you really were Potters child. You were meant to be born in June you know, so it never crossed my mind.'

'Wh-what does this spell do?' Harry asked.

'I will get to that.' Snape said irritably. 'No one was to know who these children were so that when they were brought into the fold it would be a shock to everyone.' Snape glanced at Harry. 'None more so than yours. Also of course, if the ministry ever got word of what had happened they would probably try and track all the children down and kill them.'

'Kill them? The ministry?' Harry asked in disbelief.

'I have told you before boy that nothing is black and white, no one is light or dark. The ministry have done these type of things before, for the greater good, they say. As far as they would be concerned these children are already death eaters and they will not hesitate to treat them as such. Whatever they did would not bode well for the Dark Lord so the whole thing was kept very under wraps. Albus knew of course.'

'How come?' Harry asked.

'Because I told him, you idiot boy. Unfortunately he could not do much as no one knows the names of these children and telling the ministry could be harmful to innocent children if they decide to do what they did … last time.'

'What—'

'It is of no consequence.' Snape interrupted. 'All that matters is that at seventeen years old, when the child comes of age the bond comes into existence, very lightly at first. Their name then appears on the Dark Lords parchment and they are brought in for the ultimate bonding.

'Once they have reached seventeen it is very easy to take the children, as you will have noticed. Any obstacles that may have been there before are there no longer, in your case it was the wards surrounding you relatives house.'

'Um… are my relatives alright.'

Snape laughed cruelly. 'Nice to know they were the first thing that came to mind.'

'Well I was a bit busy trying to save my own skin, then being whipped to death by my dear daddy. Plus, it's not exactly as if I was that fond of them.'

'And I'm sure the feelings mutual.' Snape replied. 'Yes they are all right but they never want to see you again, which suits us.'

'And are people looking for me?'

'No Potter.' Snape said, voice dripping with sarcasm. 'You were just abducted from your relatives home by a follower of the Dark Lord's but no, they're not the least bit worried about the supposed saviour of the wizarding world.'

'Do you always have to be sarcastic? I only asked because if they're looking for m—'

'Then they will just have to keep on looking.' Snape replied unconcernedly. 'I don't have time to keep answering your inane questions.'

'What about the marking?' Harry asked, ignoring Snape's last comment.

'The marking,' Snape carried on, not bothering to fault Harry. 'Is part of the ritual for the complete bond.'

'And what is the complete bond?' Harry asked eagerly.

'The complete bond links the child not only to their father but to the Dark Lord as well. It is irrevocable. The father marks the child in a certain way acceptable to him and to the rules of the bond and says an incantation very much like the one said during the conceiving. This is what links the child's mind to the Dark Lord's.

'So why wasn't anything like that done with me?' Harry asked, sitting up now and leaning forward almost subconsciously in order to hear everything Snape was saying.

'There were a few reasons for this.' Snape said, going over to the drinks cabinet and poring himself a glass of amber liquid. 'And they will be the Dark Lord's downfall.' Snape sat down again on the edge of the bed. 'Firstly he did not believe I would willingly mark you if I had known you were my son beforehand, that may well have been true although no one can deny the Dark Lord for long. He believed however that my marking you without knowing I was doing it and without invoking the rite would suffice.'

'Why?' Harry asked.

'Because you are already marked and bonded to him through that scar of yours. He believed that this link was enough for your bond with him and all that would be needed was to bond you to me. For that all I needed to do was to mark you, because the incantation has already been said when you were conceived.'

'I—' Harry was slightly confused.

'The incantation said at the ultimate bonding,' Snape carried on, 'is to bond the child to the Dark Lord, the marking is to bond the child to the father.'

'Right, so am I bonded to him?' Harry asked wearily.

'In a way, but then in a way you always were. You are not bonded to him in the way he thinks though, not at all.'

'Why not?'

'The way the bond works is that the child is linked to the Dark Lord through the father, but of course that relies on the father being a loyal Death Eater.'

Harry stared at Snape a moment and then burst out laughing.

Snape's lip curled upwards in a semblance of a sneer. 'Of course I don't expect you to believe me. I'd be disappointed if you did because the whole point was that you don't believe it. But soon you will have to believe it because it is going to keep us both alive. There will be time for that tomorrow.'

'What are you going to do?' Harry asked sarcastically. 'Turn back time?'

'No.' Snape said, his patience wearing thin. 'Just show you a few truths.'

'But why would Vol—' Snape gave him a sharp look. 'You-know-who,' Harry corrected hastily, 'take such a risk of not performing the whole thing. I wouldn't think he'd normally make mistakes.'

'The only mistake he's made is trusting me.' Snape continued. 'And you can't blame him for that- I'm very good at my job.'

Harry grimaced.

'Shown by that revolting face you pulled.' He carried on. 'The dark Lord's plan would have worked if I was loyal to him and, now more than ever, he is so sure of that that it didn't seem like a risk to him. Do you know what that means?'

'Yeah, that you're a lying bastard.'

Harry didn't see it coming. In a flash Snape had crossed the room and landed a searing blow across his face. Harry was so surprised that for a moment he didn't feel the pain even though his head was thrown back by the force of it and hit the headboard. Then the pain came.

Snape only smirked down at him. 'You'd better get used to that. You see _my son_.' He said mockingly. 'Now that I am no longer your teacher and you are no longer my student the rules do not apply.'

Snape waited to see what Harry would do but he just continued to stare up at Snape in shock so he continued. 'What it means is that the Dark Lord thinks the bond has worked and if he finds out it has not then he will know I am a spy and will kill us both. So you have got to learn Occlumency pretty sharpish, and believe me I'll _make_ you learn it, any way I see fit. I will not have you compromising my position.'

Harry, who still had his hand to his stinging cheek, was breathing heavily and glared angrily at Snape. 'You mean to say that if I don't learn it you'll hit me?' He said incredulous.

'Probably not hit you.' Snape replied, unconcerned. 'But I will not be averse to causing you pain. And you will need to learn to get used to pain anyway so it will serve two purposes. I will be giving you lessons on pain anyway, don't doubt it.'

'I don't have to do anything you say.' Harry said angrily.

'You do and you will. Remember it's your life on the line as well as mine.' Snape paused and started pacing the room. 'You will need to learn a lot of things, most importantly it is to trust me and to block your mind. The Dark Lord will find it much easier now to read your thoughts.

'You don't know how close you came to being a mind slave of the Dark Lord. The bond would have still worked without the full incantation if I was loyal, and it would have still worked without me having to be loyal if the full incantation had been performed. It is only both of these things together that have stopped you from fully being at the Dark Lord's mercy.'

'Wh-what has happened to me then?' Harry asked, not knowing if he really wanted to know the answer.

Snape ran his hand through his hair, as if to give himself time to think. 'The bond will usually give the recipient's mind completely over to the Dark Lord. He will not only know what you are doing and why but he will be able to make you do almost anything he wants.'

'Like imperius?' Said Harry.

'Not really like imperius. This bond makes the person want to do these things, rather than being made to do them without their wish. They are in much more control of their body and the mind control only works up to an extent. If what the Dark Lord is proposing is so against the person character then they can and will rebel. Also the bond strengthens over time. So at first it will not be very strong and the person has the chance to… grow into it, if you like.'

'So is that why I can't feel any change yet.'

'There are two reasons for that. Firstly the link is extremely weak with you. The Dark Lord is able to read your thoughts, probably easier than everyone else's because of the bond you already share. He will be able to see what you are doing, who you are with and every little thing in your mind- hence your desperate need for Occlumency. He will not, however be able to change your mind or your thoughts at all. He can see them but he cannot interact with them. But—'

'But because he thinks the bond has worked he thinks he can make me do things so I have to act like he can.' Harry interrupted.

Snape looked at Harry appraisingly. 'Maybe you're not as thick as it first seemed. Secondly while you are in this house you are protected from his legilimency because of the wards I put up here a long time ago. This is the only place I can relax my mind but I still do not do that in case I fall into the habit of it. It has been my haven though, and shall also be yours.

'In fact, if it wasn't for this we probably would already have been found out. And that is the reason why you need to completely master Occlumency before you step out of this house.'

'Does Voldemort know about the wards?' Harry asked.

Snape winced at the mention of the name. 'Of course he does. I think he would realise if he couldn't reach someone's mind. But he just thinks I am generally a suspicious bastard and he's not about to believe any different now. Anyway that is enough for now.'

He got up and walked over to the potions cabinet once more. 'You need to get some sleep.' He mumbled into the cupboard as he rummaged. 'Tomorrow I will start you on your Occlumency training and teaching you how to act around the Dark Lord and his followers. Acting well is an extremely difficult thing to do, especially where the Dark Lord is involved.'

He came out holding a small vial with some purple liquid inside and placed it on the bedside table. 'Dreamless sleep.' He said. Then he went to the wardrobe and took out some nightclothes. 'But first I will show you a few things. That the bond didn't work should be enough for you but as you are also a suspicious bastard I believe you will need more evidence of my real loyalties. You may sleep here, I will transfigure the couch.'

With that he picked up his potions book and his drink and stalked out of the room.

Harry was left staring blindly at the wall.


	3. Bats Eyes

Chapter 3 – Bats Eyes

Harry woke up groggily, the top half of his body was cold while his legs were hot and trapped in the sheet. _Since when did his bed have sheets?_ It all came back to him in a rush and Harry screwed up his face tightly as he realised just what had happened and what it all had meant. _He was Snape's son. He was Snape's son._ He didn't know whether to laugh at the absurdity of it or cry at the revulsion.

It was cold in the room so he focused instead on that and, again, on his urgent need to pee. In fact now that he thought of it he never did go to the toilet last night so the need to pee was probably the same need he had while he was being whipped to death by his newfound father.

Harry giggled slightly as Snape came in with a breakfast tray.

'What is so funny?' Snape asked, floating the tray over to hover slightly above Harry's lap. On it there was a bowl of porridge and the smell was so nice that Harry's stomach growled loudly and he again forgot about his toilet need. He never actually realised how hungry he was until now.

'Eat.' Snape said after Harry had been staring at the food for over a minute.

Harry picked up the spoon wearily and dunked it into the porridge before bringing the steaming food to his mouth. 'What poison have you put in it?' Harry asked while sniffing it distrustfully.

This time it was Snape's turn to laugh. 'Don't you think that if I had meant to kill you I would have already done so?'

'You're just going to turn me into a mini Death Eater instead are you?'

'Something like that.' Snape agreed. 'Now eat.'

Harry couldn't remember ever having tasted anything more delicious. It was fruity and warm and Harry had a feeling Snape had also slipped a pain-relieving potion in as well because his muscles started to ache a lot less.

'Eat up quickly.' Snape snapped. 'We have a lot to do today. I'll need to put some more balm on your back and then you can have a shower while I go out and look for you.'

'Look for me?' Harry asked, confused. 'What, are we playing some perverted game of hide-and-seek?'

'Your imagination astounds me. But in case you have forgotten you have been abducted by Death Eaters. I have to meet up with Minerva and tell her that you have miraculously escaped and run away. She also knows about my true loyalties but that is all she will know. That news should hopefully calm them sufficiently.'

'But I want Ron and Hermione—'

'Does it look like I give a shit what you want? How many times do I have to tell you this is not a game?'

Harry looked down at the bed covers pitifully. He felt more than anything that his entire life was lost in this charade that would never come to an end. He'd have to give up his friends, his hope of becoming an Auror, maybe even his free will if it came to that.

'Have a shower now. When I come back I'll do your back and then we'll get started.'

'Started on what?' Harry asked fearfully, thinking only of pain as fierce as cruciatus.

'On something you've done before.' Snape said, his lip curling slightly. 'But this time you'll actually have permission.'

An hour later Snape was setting a penseive down on the table in front of Harry. Fed and washed Harry was now sitting on a threadbare couch in front of Snape looking at the basin apprehensively.

He bit his bottom lip in a worried fashion. 'You want me to…'

'Yes.' Snape answered his unfinished question. 'You will be looking into a lot of my memories in the future because I will need to show you what service to the Dark Lord is like, spy or not.

'But right now I need to show you something different. I should let you know though, before you look, that penseives cannot lie without giving something away. What I mean is that you will notice if it has been tampered with in any way, you cannot feed a penseive a false memory. Now if you will…'

He waved Harry over to the penseive in invitation.

Harry looked into the swirling liquid apprehensively.

'Well go on. I haven't got all day you know.' Snape said. 'Or has it lost its appeal now that you actually have permission.'

With one last scathing look at Snape, Harry dunked his head into the liquid and immediately felt himself jerk forward. Unlike with Dumbledore, Snape did not follow him.

He found himself in Dumbledore's office with a very alive looking Dumbledore sitting behind his desk, fingers steepled together in front of him and a very pensive look on his face.

Snape was reclining on a chair in front if the desk facing the headmaster, watching him carefully.

'So what is the new plan?' Dumbledore asked.

'I'm not sure exactly what it involves.' Snape said slowly. 'The boy won't tell me. And I certainly don't think it would work. Draco Malfoy has the brains but not the guts to pull it off.'

'He is certainly taking it seriously if he will not even confide in you.'

'That is true but that is more in fear than actual intent. He is not expected to complete the task. It is the Dark Lord's way of punishing Lucius.'

'Yes I gathered that.' Dumbledore said. 'He knows Harry is as protected here as he always was.'

Snape scowled suddenly. 'Why does the whole world have to revolve around Potter?'

'Doesn't it?' Dumbledore asked in surprise.

'No, it doesn't. The plot is not to kill Potter, it's to kill you.'

Dumbledore turned and looked towards the window with a frown. 'I see. Well that makes things a lot simpler.'

'How so?' Snape asked warily. Sitting up a little straighter.

'Harry's the one that needs protection. He is the one that will challenge Voldemort. I am too old and weak now.'

'No.' Snape said firmly. 'Whatever you're thinking, no.'

'And what am I thinking then Severus?'

'Some kind of suicide mission that you think will save Potter.'

'Oh, what harsh words you use.' Dumbledore said in some amusement. 'I certainly don't want to commit suicide, I've been looking forward to going to heaven.'

'Don't try to change the subject old man. I know exactly what you're planning and it won't help Potter.'

Dumbledore looked at Snape over the top of his half-moon glasses for a moment. 'I certainly think that any plot that doesn't involve Harry at the moment is good one.'

'The reason they want to get rid of you is because you are the one protecting Potter. The Dark Lord thinks that once you are out of the way there will be nothing standing in the way of him and his Golden Boy.'

'Well then he's wrong, isn't he?' Dumbledore held up his blackened hand for Severus to see. 'I am weak, I cannot do much anymore, least of all protect Harry. The school and the wards are doing that, as well as the teachers, but most of all you are doing that right now, just by knowing what the Dark Lord is planning.'

'He doesn't tell me everything.'

'He will. Soon he will trust you with everything and you will go on protecting Harry as you always have done, even from afar.'

Snape looked down. 'You ask a lot of me Albus.'

'Yes but I know you will do it. When the time comes you will do it and you'll know when the time comes. I am going to start showing Harry everything I know, I will tell him about the Horcruxes.'

'Grooming him to do the job you couldn't finish?' Snape asked bitterly.

'Exactly. I will show him so that he can carry on my work. He is young and powerful while this curse is going to finish me off.

'Then let it finish you off then rather than ask the impossible of me.'

Dumbledore stood up, towering over the younger man. 'Severus, we both know I will not live to see the end of this war, nor am I supposed to. It will happen sooner rather than later and I'd rather it be by your hand than Voldemort's. Don't give him the satisfaction. This will assure your place in the Death Eater circle. You will be told the important things about Harry and the Horcruxes.'

'He will never tell me where the Horcruxes are hidden.' Snape intervened.

'He might. You could win us this war Severus and I know what a sacrifice I am asking of you but I have protected you so far and I will continue to do so from beyond the grave. You are no coward, Severus.'

Dumbledore sat down again and popped a sherbet lemon in his mouth.

'There will be benefits of course.' He carried on, sucking happily on his sweet. 'I will give you the DADA job this year.'

'Oh joy.' Snape said dryly. Dumbledore smiled sadly. 'Do you want to start making bets on whether I'll last the year?'

Dumbledore ignored his last question. 'To all intents and purposes you will have the job you wanted since starting here. Giving it to you shows my unequivocal trust in you. To most of the students you will be your grumpy old self we all know and love.'

Snape snorted. 'But to your Slytherins,' Dumbledore carried on. 'You will let them know that they can come to you for any… extra teaching. Let them decide for themselves what that teaching might be. And if Draco Malfoy comes to you—'

'He won't.'

'But if he does, press him for as much information as you can under the pretence of helping him.'

'That will be no pretence.'

'The pretence will be acting as if you wish to help him with the plan.'

'Which I will be doing anyway.' Snape said angrily.

'You knew this day was coming.' Dumbledore said with little remorse.

'No Albus, I didn't. You may have mentioned this happening fifteen years ago when you knew full well I had no other choice but it's not as if I believed it to be a reality.'

'Well it is and I know you will do your duty. Listen to any Slytherin who is willing to talk and remember there is more at stake than your conscience.'

Snape stood up stiffly. 'You may be old but you are still a manipulative bastard.'

Dumbledore laughed softly.

Snape stalked to the door and put his hand on the doorknob but looked back just before opening it.

'I will do my Duty, Headmaster.'

'As I knew you would.' Dumbledore replied with no glint in his eye.

As Snape opened the door the scene shifted.

Harry found himself standing on the outskirts of the forbidden forest. A few metres from him Snape stood leaning haughtily against a tree with his arms crossed. Dumbledore was opposite him looking a bit older and frailer than he did back in his office.

'What is it Severus?' He asked with a note of impatience in his voice.

'What is it? WHAT IS IT?' Snape shouted. 'Well maybe it's the fact that I haven't slept well in months, I feel like shit and have to spend most of my time trying to teach a bunch of bratty kids that don't want to learn, as well as trying to shadow Draco Malfoy's every move when the boy is more slippery than his father. Or maybe, just maybe I've had it with you and your asking of the impossible.'

'You agreed that you would do it.' Dumbledore said in a no nonsense voice.

'Well maybe I don't want to do it anymore. You don't know what you ask.'

'I know exactly what I ask.' Dumbledore said, eyes hardening.

'Well you're asking too much.' Snape snapped, turning away.

But Dumbledore was having none of it, he took him by the shoulders and turned him back around to face him.

'Severus.' He said looking straight into his eyes. 'I don't have time to argue with you. You said you'd do it and there's nothing else to it. You will do it or live with the consequences, which will be a lot worse than the overdue death of a useless old man. In any case you made the unbreakable vow with Narcissa.'

Snape sneered. 'The boy won't tell me anything, you know that.'

'Well then start making investigations in your house. Someone in Slytherin might know something.'

'I doubt it.' Snape said before turning and starting to walk away.

'I'm counting on you Severus.' Dumbledore said into the darkness. Snape did not turn around.

The scene changed again and before he knew it Harry was back in the office facing the headmaster who was sitting sadly in his chair behind his desk.

The door had just opened and Snape walked in looking as sour as he always did. His hair looked greasier than ever and was hanging lankly around his face.

'Severus, sit down.' Dumbledore said lightly.

Snape didn't sit down. 'You've found it.' He said coldly.

'I think so. We will leave tonight.'

'We?' Snape asked, raising an eyebrow slightly.

'Me and Harry, yes.'

'I see.'

'I don't expect to survive this.' Dumbledore said. 'But I am confident Harry will bring me back here.'

'I see.' Snape said again.

'You know the one thing I've always liked about you Severus is your varied vocabulary.'

'What exactly do you expect me to say?' Now Snape did sit down, wearily.

Dumbledore stared hard at Snape. Harry could see the lines around his eyes, which had lost their twinkle. 'I do know what I ask of you Severus but I ask it anyway because we don't have any other choices. I am sure Draco has succeeded with his plan, from what I have heard. So when I leave tonight he will set it in motion. Be ready, Severus. I need you there when the time comes.

'If the time comes.' Snape corrected.

'No, when. I will not survive this, I can see it. Don't you dare let my death be in vain Severus. This is our only chance, this is _Harry's_ only chance.'

Snape didn't say anything. He just looked down for a few minutes. 'I never liked teaching those brats anyway.' He mumbled to himself.

'Well that settles it then.' Dumbledore said almost happily, as if they had just decided what they were going to have to eat.

Then Snape did something very shocking. He moved forward so quickly that Harry wasn't even sure what had happened until he saw Snape kneeling in front of the Headmaster.

'What are you doing Severus?' Dumbledore asked in some amusement.

'I will do your bidding.' Snape said quietly to the floor. 'You are my master, my only master. You saved me and I will never forget that.'

'Severus get up and stop being so stupid.' Dumbledore said exasperatedly. 'I am not Voldemort and I certainly do not have people bow at my feet.'

'I choose to.' Snape said. 'I give myself over to you. If it wasn't for you I would be dead.' Snape than looked up into Dumbledore's eyes and this time Harry really saw the look of admiration in Snape's eyes. And if Harry had been shocked by what he had seen so far, what happened next was even more shocking.

'Who's going to look after me now?' Snape pleaded. Still looking up at Dumbledore with that look of admiration and loss.

Dumbledore chuckled. 'You will look after yourself Severus, and you will look after Harry. I am sure you will do a much better job of it, now that you will have Voldemort's full trust, than I have ever been able to do.'

'Yes Headmaster.'

Dumbledore held out his hand to Snape and helped him up. Once they were eye to eye Dumbledore said softly in correction, 'Albus.'

'Albus.' Snape amended. Then he turned and started walking towards the office door. As he got to it Dumbledore called him back.

'Severus.' He said. 'You will need to look after Draco too. He is not a killer but that only means he will be killed, unless you can stop it.'

'I will Head—Albus.'

Then he was gone.

'Severus'

_Snape said nothing, but walked forwards and pushed Malfoy roughly out of the way. The three Death Eaters fell back without a word. Even the werewolf seemed cowed._

_Snape gazed for a moment at Dumbledore, and there was an unidentifiable emotion etched in the harsh lines of his face, which was masked as revulsion and hatred._

'_Severus … please …'_

_Snape raised his wand and pointed it directly at Dumbledore._

Harry was snapped back into the real world with such abruptness he felt nauseous for a few seconds and had to collapse back onto the couch to steady himself.

Snape was standing next to the fire, warming his hands. He wasn't looking at Harry.

Harry gazed at him a moment, his eyes glazed over as he was thinking over all he had seen. 'I thought he was pleading with you to save him.' He said at last.

'Stupid boy.' Snape replied, turning away from the fireplace and moving to sit on the opposite couch. 'Do you really think that Dumbledore would go through all that trouble for me to go back to spying and be accepted back into the fold just to throw away my cover like that in front of three other Death Eaters, just to save himself who, to all intents and purposes, was already dying?'

Harry had to concede the point. It didn't sound like something Dumbledore would do.

'Is the school still opening this year?' Harry deliberately changed the subject to give himself time to think.

Snape stared at him, gobsmacked. 'Why do you even care? I know you were never going to go back and you certainly won't now.'

'I was just curious.' Harry said, shrugging. 'I'd like to know what Ron and Hermione are going to do—'

'Oh, of course, your precious friends. I am sure they will be safe and sound whatever they do but you will not be joining them and you may as well get used to it.'

'I know.' Harry said sadly. 'Is this what Dumbledore meant when he was talking about you looking after me?' Harry cocked a half smile.

Snape raised an eyebrow. 'This may not have been exactly what he meant but I am still doing it.'

'No you're not. You're looking after yourself and to do that you have to take care of me. If that means whipping my back to shreds and hitting me round the face, that is.'

'Do you still distrust what you have seen?' Snape said, ignoring Harry's last comment.

'Maybe. I don't know. But it doesn't matter so much that you're not an actual Death Eater, you're still a horrible person and I **don't **want to be related to you.'

'Ah, that is what this is all about, is it?' Snape said angrily. 'Being related to the greasy, big-nosed git of a Potions Master.' Harry's mouth fell open. 'Yes, I know what you all call me behind my back but let me just remind you that underneath that glamour you may look just like me.' Harry paled at that and Snape smirked nastily.

'Also,' he carried on, 'do you really think I want to be related to an insufferable, big-headed, four-eyed idiot of a boy who thinks rules don't apply to him and—'

'Yadiya, blah blah, I've heard it all before Snape.' Harry interrupted. 'But if it makes you feel better then bring it on because I promise you that you can't make me feel worse than I already do.'

Snape snorted at that and got up. He went over to the drinks cabinet and took out a bottle of fire whiskey and two glasses. Harry watched in amazement as he poured some into both glasses and gave one of them to him. Snape sat down opposite him again and clinked his glass with Harry's, which was still hanging limply from his hand.

'Cheers.' Snape said and proceeded to slowly drain his glass.

Harry was not going to miss a moment to get drunk if the opportunity should arise and went to knock the whole thing back when Snape put out a hand to stop him.

'You do not drink like that.' He said.

'But I've seen—'

'I don't care what you've seen.' Snape said. 'In our circles alcohol is savoured, it is drunk slowly, swirling it around your mouth to get the full flavour. You hold it in the middle of the stem with one hand. Now, try it.'

Harry held it how Snape instructed although a little part of him was wondering just why he was listening to Snape. He took a sip and then choked on it as it burned all the way down his throat. After his coughing had subsided he quickly put the glass down.

'How can you savour that taste?'

Snape smirked.' You will get used to it. I will give you one a day which means you will finish that one.' Harry looked at it with revulsion. 'Now for Occlumency. I am going to try a different approach this time because the other way obviously wasn't working.'

Harry tensed, expecting Snape's sharp 'Legilimens,' but all he did was come to sit beside Harry and turn to him. Harry recoiled automatically before he even realised he'd done so.

'Oh for Merlin's sake Potter, I'm not going to bite you- yet.' Harry knew that was not meant to be a joke. 'Now I want you to concentrate. What is your worst memory?'

Harry just opened and closed his mouth a few times like a fish. His mind had gone completely blank and he simply couldn't think. Maybe that was a good thing considering the situation.

Snape sighed in irritation. 'Let's try a different approach then, what do you see when you encounter a Boggart?'

That Harry could answer but it still didn't mean he wanted to. 'Dementor.' He muttered.

'Right.' Snape said, his impatience showing. 'That is obviously a bad memory for you and it means it will be very easy for someone to use it against you, so you need to make sure they can't. What did you do to make the Boggart Dementor look more comical?'

'I didn't do anything. Professor Lupin wouldn't let me have my go because he thought it would turn into Vol—'

Snape hissed softly and Harry shut up.

'Okay.' Snape said, almost seething in his impatience. 'What would it have turned into had the werewolf let you see it?'

'I don't know.' Harry admitted. 'I never got round to thinking of it.' At the look Snape gave him Harry hastily carried on. 'I suppose … I suppose it could have … tripped on its robe or something …'

'Hilarious.' Snape said dryly.

'And landed flat on his face.' Harry carried on in desperation. 'With it's robe all crumpled and all that … and it would be all disorientated and not be able to suck souls and … um …'

'Okay, that is quite enough. You're sounding like a first year with all your pathetic ramblings.' Snape said. 'Now I want you to search your memories for one with a Dementor coming towards you. Have you got that?' Snape asked without giving Harry any time.

Harry quickly racked his brains and came up with the memory of him and Sirius over by the lake with all the Dementors coming towards them. He shivered. 'Yes.' He said as confidently as he could.

'Tell me about it?'

'What?' Harry asked.

'Tell me about this memory you have in your mind, I'm not going to look at it myself yet.'

'Um, well, me and Sirius are by the lake and there are loads of Dementors coming towards us and I'm trying to produce a Patronus but I'm becoming too weak.'

'Right.' Snape stopped him. 'Choose to focus on just one of these Dementors, the one nearest to you. Have you got that?'

'Yes.' Harry said in a slight daze.

'Now see it in your mind coming towards you, dark and frightening.'

'Yes.' Harry murmured.

'And then as it gets really close it trips on it's robe, falls flat on it's face, if indeed it has one. Are you getting this?'

'Um, yeah.' Harry said still in a murmur.

'So there is you and your mutt almost becoming unconscious from this Dementor attack and then it trips over in a rather comical way.'

'Yes.'

'And then…' Snape trailed off.

'Then it falls and it tries to right itself but it can't and it's hood falls off and there's nothing there and…'

Suddenly and without warning Harry felt something _or someone _entering his mind. He didn't try to stop it but he could feel it probing his memories, searching out the Dementor attack and seeing just what Harry was seeing in his head- the Dementor tripping on its robe and falling to the ground, turning to dust.

Then the intrusion was gone and Harry found himself breathing rather heavily as if he had just run a long distance in a very short time.

By the time Harry had got his bearings Snape was again standing over by the fireplace. This time he was looking at Harry and smirking widely.

'What?' Harry said suspiciously.

'Do you realise what you have just done?' Harry just looked at him perplexedly. 'Obviously not.' Snape carried on. 'I legilimised you just now, looking for your actual memory of the Dementor attack. What I saw was the Dementor falling over, which I know didn't really happen.'

Harry's eyes widened in surprise and some pride. 'Did I just…'

'You didn't just occlude your mind, you made me see something completely different from what actually happened. You fed me a false memory.'

'I did?' Harry said in elation, forgetting for a moment who he was speaking to.

'Don't go getting too bigheaded now. What you did was easy because I did most of the hard work for you. I fed your mind the false memory for me to find. I looked for what I knew you were occluding. The Dark Lord will not be so kind. I wanted you to know what it feels like to feed false memories because this is what you will eventually have to do.

'Unfortunately you have a lot more to work on. You have to occlude everything you do not want him to see and you have to do it all the time without even thinking about it. It is all well and good being able to do it now while I am more or less modifying what you are thinking for you, but it is a start.'

Even after Snape's words Harry couldn't help but smile. He got up and stretched slowly. 'But I can learn this, right?'

'Lets hope for all our sakes you can.' Snape replied. 'You have the rest of the morning free to do what you want. Lunch will be served at one o'clock sharp and I expect you to join me at every meal. I suggest for now that sleep would not go amiss.'

Snape turned away, walking towards a door Harry assumed went to his potions room. 'Now do not disturb me, I have some bats eyes to pick up.' With that he left.

_Bats eyes?_ Harry thought in confusion.


	4. Etiquette

**Chapter 4 - Etiquette**

Harry stopped and stared. The small table had be set for two, that was nothing amazing, but the way it was set was very out of place for the small bare room it was in. It looked like a table right out of a very posh restaurant, with candles and flowers set on the table. There was a range of cutlery on either side of the place mats, wine glasses and a bottle of wine sitting in a bucket of ice. A basket of warm bread was set in the middle also.

'Candlelight dinner for two?' Harry inquired.

'Hardly.' Snape replied. He was standing behind one of the chairs, playing the gracious host. 'Come here.'

Harry walked towards the other available chair and went to pull it out.

'No.' Snape stilled him. Harry stared at Snape in wonder. 'You never sit down before the host has. You stand up straight behind the chair.'

Harry did so, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of it. It was easier to think of it as funny rather than anything else.

'Now, when I sit down everyone else may do so. You pull out your chair with one hand, sit down gracefully- no slouching- and then you take your napkin and put it on you lap. Understood?'

'Spifingly, old chap.' Harry said in the poshest voice he could.

'Don't play with me boy.' Snape growled.

'Sorry.' Harry looked suitably chagrined.

Now…' Snape said and he pulled out his chair and sat down, taking his napkin and placing it neatly on his lap. As soon as he had done so Harry took his cue and copied Snape's movements exactly.

'So you can follow orders.' Snape said, raising an eyebrow. It was amazing how Snape could make an insult out of every compliment. 'Now while we wait for the first course to be served we engage in conversation. The adults will most likely talk about politics at some point but the children are not to join in with this. They can talk among themselves but only really engage with adults if one of them asks them a question specifically, which they may do with you a lot at first.'

Harry made a face of distaste. 'Will I have to talk with the likes of Draco Malfoy?'

'Draco Malfoy is shamed. Most youngsters will not be permitted to talk to him by their parents, at least not until the Dark Lord decides to give him another chance.'

I didn't think Vol—he gave second chances.' Harry said.

'He doesn't- usually. But I managed to persuade him on this point. Draco may be an arrogant bastard but he also happens to be my Godson. At the moment Narcissa is keeping him at the Malfoy residence and I don't suppose he or even she will be invited to any of the parties anyway.'

'Even if You-know-who isn't there?'

'Yes. People talk, especially Death Eaters. One person's loss is another's gain and all these people want is more power that only the Dark Lord can give. No one is going to welcome his wrath by inviting a shamed Death Eater. The only way Draco would be invited to any party is if his father hosted one and seeing as he is on the run from the ministry and can't even enter his own home without getting captured I believe that is unlikely to happen.

'You will have to talk with some people like him, a lot of them you will know from school. But you will mainly be with the other children who are part of the Dark Lords bonding ritual. He will want you to talk to them because he believes they can push you along a bit. Be very wary of them though.' Snape looked at Harry sternly.

'What do they talk about?' Harry asked in wonder.

'Normal teenage things, would you believe. Quidditch, school work—'

'School work?' Harry interrupted. 'Why would we talk about that now?'

'If the school stays open, which I think it will, most of them will be going back. I'd like for you to as well, not as yourself of course, but only if I can find a way to remove whatever charm that blasted woman put on you.'

'But—'

'Don't fight it boy.' Snape said dangerously. 'Think about it. You'll either be stuck here with me the whole time or at Hogwarts with your dear friends.'

Harry thought about it, and for the first time in days his heart lifted. 'But Ron and Hermione won't want to befriend Snape's son, will they?' His joy was sinking faster than it rose.

Snape sighed. 'And I thought you weren't as thick as the last six years have shown you to be. You're not going to be my son; I am a known Death Eater, in case you've forgotten. It will be like sending Draco back. You will be someone no one has ever heard off. I'm sure that will be hard for you but you'll manage.

'Furthermore you will be able to look out for your friends but I will not allow you to befriend them again, it is too dangerous if they figure out who you are.'

Harry's joy had completely disappeared now. 'Let me get this straight, all the Death Eater children will know exactly who I am but my real friends and people on the side of the light will not know anything.'

'That is correct and it is the way things must be.'

The soup appeared. Harry went to pick up his spoon but as he did so he received a large tap on the knuckles from Snape's spoon.

'You do not start until the host has.' He said harshly. 'If it will help you to stay alive then I'd advise you not to do anything until the host has. There will be no slurping, gulping or splashing. You will drink it slowly and again I'd advise you to watch how other people do it.'

Snape then dipped his spoon into the soup and sipped it. Harry did the same. It was very tasty but he wasn't sure exactly what it was, maybe some kind of creamy vegetable soup.

'I was going to look for the Horcruxes.' Harry winced at the whininess of his voice.

'And you still will, with my help. You will still have time even if you go back to school. Getting to know the other Death Eaters and the Dark Lord will help with that as well.'

'Why are there so many rules?' Harry asked.

'It's all about power and prestige with the Death Eaters.' Snape said, dabbing his mouth with his napkin. 'Being of pureblooded, upstanding families they believe that certain traditional values should be upheld. Like the fact that the master of the house is the first to be served and so forth. It also has to do with power, having everyone wait for a certain person to begin before they can gives this person the power they cherish. It's all bullshit.'

Harry Giggled into his soup.

'Pure-blooded outstanding citizens do not giggle either.' Snape said reprovingly.

'It's a good thing I am neither then, isn't it.'

'You will have to behave as such in any case.' Snape replied.

'You're not a pure-blood either.' Harry said before he could stop himself. Snape did not answer, in fact he acted as if he never even heard although Harry was sure he had.

They had the rest of their soup in silence.

When the next course arrived Harry's eyes nearly goggled out of his head. It looked and smelled like nothing Harry had ever known before. It was some kind of crispy bird covered in an orangey-red sauce with fluffy herbed rice and a side helping of peas.

The smell was so nice that Harry nearly dug in without thinking. It was only when he noticed the large assortment of cutlery that he realised he didn't know which set of cutlery to use and realised that he had to wait for Snape first.

Snape actually chuckled when he realised where Harry was looking. 'It is a lot more simple than it seems.' He said. 'You start from the outside in.' Snape then picked up his knife and fork and cut into the bird. As soon as the fork had disappeared into his mouth Harry picked up his cutlery and cut into his as slowly as he could.

'What is it?' He said with his mouth full.

'One thing you should never do is talk with your mouth full. I will not even permit it and as I'm sure you remember I think most of this crap is bullshit.'

Harry swallowed quickly. 'Sorry. What is this?'

'It is duck.' Snape said, cutting himself another piece and swirling it in the sauce.

Harry ate another mouthful of rice. 'The food we get in the Great Hall is amazing but this stuff is even better. Do the house elves make special things for the professors? Because if they do I don't think it's very fair—'

'The house elves don't cook this food.' Snape interrupted, mixing his rice with the sauce.

'Oh. Who does then?'

Snape raised an eyebrow. 'I do.'

Harry started choking on his rice.

'People do not choke at Death Eater parties either.' Snape said but Harry could hear the amusement in his voice.

'Why do you do it?' Harry couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice.

'Partly because I don't trust the house-elves but mostly because I enjoy it.'

'You enjoy cooking?'

'You seem to enjoy asking questions.' Snape replied. 'Yes, I enjoy it. It is like potions making and I do that as a hobby as well as a job.'

'Not any more.' Harry said spitefully.

'If you include the work I do for the Dark Lord I do.' Harry blanched. 'Anyway your surprise is not at the fact that I do my own cooking is it? It's that I'm actually good at it.'

Harry shrugged. ' I had to do the cooking at home, I hated it. I kept on burning the bacon.'

'Yes, I've seen your memories but that is a completely different situation. You were never made to prepare the food, only look after it while it was cooking. Also you were made to do something you didn't want to from a very young age so you probably grew to hate it. Add to that the fact that you were under so much pressure to get it right and it's no wonder you're an awful potions maker.'

'Well the pressure I've been under hasn't changed either, with a certain professor breathing down my neck.'

Snape chuckled at that and Harry nearly choked again at hearing that noise come from Snape.

'If you like potions so much then why were you always after the Dark Arts job?' Harry asked.

'Are you always this dense?' Snape replied in his usual insulting voice. It didn't quite have the same effect on Harry anymore. 'I didn't want the Dark Arts job, the Dark Lord wanted me to have it so that I could mould his young Slytherins into Death Eaters. So I made a show of applying every year and Albus made a show of rejecting me every year to keep up my role as spy.'

'Oh.' Was all Harry could think of to say.

They ate in silence for a while.

'Now, are you a virgin?' Snape asked suddenly

Harry almost spat out his duck in shock. 'What?' He finally managed to squeak.

'I am not in the habit of needlessly repeating myself and seeing as I know you heard me perfectly well I think of this as one of those times.'

Harry stared at Snape silently a moment, wondering just what he had to gain by asking that question, if Harry could get away with not answering it and whether it really mattered if he did. A moment after this inner turmoil Harry shakily nodded his head.

Snape inclined his head in reply but didn't say anything for the moment, just took another mouthful of rice and wiped his mouth with the napkin. 'That is fine but I should just let you know that most Death Eater children are sexually active.'

Harry stared at Snape worriedly, wondering if he was going to demand him to lose his virginity so that he will fit in.

Snape correctly interpreted the look on Harry's face and laughed. It was a very strange sound to come out of Snape's mouth and Harry could only stare open mouthed.

'Don't worry, I'm not saying you have to do anything of the sort. I'm just letting you know because they're not discreet about it and the parents usually allow it.'

'Why?' Harry asked, not sure if he believed it.

'Because when they marry it is not usually for love or even lust. It is for blood, as I'm sure you can understand. In a way it is like arranged marriages, certain pureblooded families may even promise their children to each other. So the parents let them have their fun when they are younger.'

'Oh.' Harry said stupidly. 'Um… don't the children mind?'

'They may well do.' Snape took another sip of wine and Harry did the same. 'But they would never say so. But it is why most men take lovers.'

'Did Lucius…'

'Yes.' Snape said without hesitation. 'More than one and he certainly wasn't very discreet about it. But then the men don't have to be because it is expected of them. The women however have to be extremely careful about it because if their husbands find out they have been having an affair it does not bode well for them. It is all a charade, the marriage is a fraud and everyone pretends they can't see what's right under their nose.'

'Sounds too confusing to me.'

'It's just pure-blooded stupidities. Have you finished?'

Harry had been toying with his food, squashing the rice with his fork. 'Yes.' He put the fork down.

'Don't play with you food and put you knife and fork together. You're slouching.'

The rest of the meal went that way, with Snape making comments to him about his table manners the whole time and Harry getting more food then he could possibly eat, though he found room for the after dinner mints.

'And here I was expecting Sherbet Lemons.' Harry had said and had received another slap on the knuckles with the fork.

----------

After lunch they sat down on the couch again for Harry's next occlumency lesson. Harry was tense expecting something very like the last one. However it was something completely different and Harry thought of it as a sneaky way to give him homework.

Snape placed a blank sheet of parchment in front of Harry with a quill and ink. Harry looked at it sceptically.

Now I want you to think hard about this. I want you to search your memories for the most important, disturbing and personal. In other words all the memories you do not want The Dark Lord to see. The first thing you need to do is protect your mind from disclosing the memories The Dark Lord wants. Well?'

Harry only then realised that Snape wanted him to actually tell Snape about them and he didn't feel very comfortable about doing so. 'Um…' He started. 'Well I suppose, the prophecy is the most important.'

That got him a painful slap across the head. He looked up at Snape in astonishment, holding his head. But Snape's expression was showing nothing. It certainly did not seem as if Snape had just hit his son across the head.

'What was that for?' Harry asked in indignation.

'For being stupid.' Snape replied. 'Yes you need to shield the prophesy from him but it certainly is not the most important thing.'

'Oh.' Harry said in realisation. 'You mean the fact that you are a spy.'

Snape clapped his hands mockingly but Harry ignored him.

'And that the bond didn't work.' He carried on.

Snape stared at Harry for a moment and then said in an irritated voice. 'Well, why aren't you writing any of this down?'

Harry couldn't help it, he laughed.

What is so funny?' Snape asked, letting his anger seep through.

'Nothing.' Harry stopped laughing immediately. At Snape's glare he decided to elaborate. 'It's just that that's what you said to the class the first time we had you. Remember, when I couldn't answer any of your quest—'

'I remember.' Snape said in disdain. 'I still don't see what's so funny.'

'Nothing.' Harry said again with a shrug and at a pointed look from Snape he picked up the quill, dipped it in the ink and began to write in the neatest writing he could manage.

_Snape spy_

_Bond didn't work_

Prophesy

He looked up at Snape who just carried on looking at Harry expectantly.

'Um… the fact that I'm learning occlumency?'

'Write it down if you think it is important.'

_Learning occlumency_

Then he stopped and though a minute before writing two more things.

_Order headquarters_

_The Burrow_

Snape looked over his shoulder at what he had written. 'Hmph. You will not be able to disclose where the Order headquarters are, even in your mind because you are not the secret keeper. And I do not suppose the Dark Lord will be overly interested in your friend's house.

Hurry shrugged but stubbornly kept it in there. He wasn't only thinking about Ron but he wasn't about to disclose that to Snape.

What you may want to write down,' Snape continued, 'is your feelings about your friends. The Dark Lord knew your feelings for your Godfather too well and managed to exploit them. You need to shut down you feelings and hide the fact that you care about some people so much.'

Harry felt like saying something to Snape along the lines of _at least I can care_ but then decided that Snape was actually right and that he wouldn't lead anyone else to the slaughter like he did Sirius.

Feelings for friends

He wrote and then sat back.

'That will do for now.' Snape said I want you to think about these things every night before you go to bed and then push them to the back of your mind before you go to sleep. I'm not going to ask you to clear your mind like I did last time because I realise that was too hard for you. So all I want you to do is push the most important ones to the back of your mind and overlap them with other memories including some that you may not want The Dark Lord to see but do not matter too much in the long run. Like your life at the Dursleys for example.'

Harry paled dramatically.

'As far as the Dark Lord should know you will not be able to occlude you mind so if he can't see these type of things he will wonder why. So that is what I want you to do for now and then later on I'll get you to start trying to change these memories and feed him false ones instead. But that is for the future and is too hard right now.'

'Why? I did it before.'

'With me directing the flow of your memories and your mind. The Dark Lord will not be so kind, I can assure you. Now, stand up. I want you to try and block these memories from me.' He said, tapping the piece of parchment with his wand. 'Any way you know how. Are you ready?'

'No.' Harry said truthfully, standing awkwardly next to the couch with his wand held stiffly in front of him.

'Good. _Legilimens!_'

The next hour was spent with Harry trying unsuccessfully to block Snape from seeing the memories that he had to hide. He tried to cover the existence of these memories with other trivial ones, even embarrassing ones of his time at the Dursleys. It would work for no more than twenty seconds before his barriers would collapse and Harry would end up on the floor on his hands and knees.

After a while Snape called a halt to the proceedings. 'There is no point in carrying on today, you need to practice these exercises on your own at night when there is no one trying to penetrate your mind. You need to learn to block the memories at all times. Then I will try again to gain access to your mind.'

'You're being a lot more patient then you were last time.' Harry commented.

'Only because I have to be. You have got to learn and you have to do it quickly.'

Harry sat down heavily on the couch, pushing his hair out of his eyes. 'So, what now?'

'Chess.' Snape said simply.

Harry stared at him as if he had gone mad. 'You want to play games?'

'Strategy.' Snape barked, sounding very much like Moody. He went over to the cupboard. 'Something you are not very good at.'

He came back holding a very antique looking chess set and put it down between them. 'I am always black.' Snape said, turning the board around.

'What a surprise.' Harry muttered.


	5. Short Interlude: Chess

**Chapter 5 - Chess**

'You there. Hey, wake up!' Harry poked the knight lightly.

'Wh-what? Who called?' The knight asked in a posh voice, waking up from his doze.

'I did.' Harry said exasperatedly. 'I want you to move to G4.'

'Oh alright.' The knight said snootily, gliding across the board. 'The things I have to do. What's the point when you're against the Dark Master over there? We Whites may as well just give up now and fall down dead to save ourselves the trouble. It would be a lot easier then being shoved all around the board just to be… Mmph!'

The knight was taken, quite brutally, by Snape's Queen.

'That shut him up at least.' Snape said almost gleefully.

Harry looked glumly at the depleted board.

'Um, deary.' He heard a female voice call. He looked down to find one of his pawns talking to him. 'I'm going to be taken by that big boulder thing if you don't move me.'

'That big boulder thing is a castle.' Snape said with disdain. 'And it's technical name—'

'Bit small for a castle, isn't it? Where is the moat? There isn't even a door. How do you get in?'

'Please leave her there.' Snape said to Harry.

Harry looked down at the pawn. 'I'm afraid you're not really that important, you're just a pawn.'

'I'm not pink.' The pawn said.

Now Harry was very confused. 'Why would you be? We only have black or white.'

'You're a pawn not a prawn.' Snape said in irritation.

Harry laughed. 'No, I meant you're just a pawn in the game of chess. Like me, but it's no game of chess I'm in.'

'Why are you a pawn?' The pawn asked. 'You're too big to fit on the board.'

'It depends which board you're talking about.' Harry said dryly.

'#Why am I waiting, I am dehydrating#' That came from one of Snape's Bishop's.

'You don't drink anyway?' Harry told him.

'I am partial to a bit of firewhiskey.' The bishop said.

Harry made a face of disgust.

'You still haven't told me why you're a pawn.' The pawn reminded him.

'Because of this scar.' Harry showed her the scar on his forehead. 'I'm a pawn in this war, I only exist to defeat Voldemort and after that I'll be nothing. I can't defeat him anyway but people think I can or pretend I can. They don't treat me like a real person or care about what happens to me in the process as long as the outcome is how they want it to be.

'They turn me into a hero but still turn on me at any opportunity. They just expect me to do their dirty work for them and have expected that since I was one year old for Merlin's sake. I'm not even supposed to survive this, just help everyone else win. It's all political bullshit.'

'Ooh, he just said a naughty word.' Said another of his pawns in a high, girly voice.

'Now that you've finished with the "lets all feel sorry for Harry" speech shall we continue with the game?' Snape asked.

'Move me please.' Said the first pawn. 'We don't have to be pawns, we don't have to lie down and take it.'

'Hey! Scarbloke.' Harry turned to one of his bishops with a raised eyebrow. 'If you move me to H12 I can take his horsey thing.'

'It's a knight.' Snape said haughtily.

'Whatever. I can take it.'

'But then you will get taken by the queen.' Harry said, looking carefully round the board.

'I'm prepared to sacrifice myself for the greater good of the team.' He said nobly.

'Why would it be for the greater good of the team? It's like for like, the knight is nothing.'

'And he smells.' Said one of Harry's pawns.

'I certainly do not.' Replied the knight, looking very put out. 'Now my horse, that's a different matter.'

'Move me, please.' Said the pawn again. 'I don't want to be taken by a castle that doesn't even have a door.'

'The technical name is a rook.' Snape said.

'Doesn't look like a bird to me.' Replied the pawn. 'I don't want to be taken by a bird either.'

'This is not helping my strategy.' Harry said.

'Send me to H12, I say.' Said the bishop.

Harry sighed. 'What do you think?' He asked his king.

'I don't think this is even a real crown.' The king replied.

Harry sighed again loudly.

'Hey, do that swap thing.' His castle spoke up. 'You know, where I change places with his highness. What's it called? Hey, that bloke would know.' He said pointing at Snape.

'Would everyone just SHUT UP!' Harry shouted, tugging on his hair in frustration. 'I can't do this anymore. Can we use my chess set because at least the pieces don't answer back.'

'That's because you got your chess set from a Christmas cracker.' Snape replied. 'I don't suppose your pieces know one side of the board from another.'

'Well you probably got your set from the middle-ages and at least my pieces do not call the knight "that horsey thing" or the rook "that big boulder thing."'

Snape laughed but Harry had heard this a few times now and so was no longer surprised at it.

'And at least my knight doesn't smell.' Harry carried on.

'I don't smell I tell you.' Replied the knight. 'I don't.'

'There they go again.' Harry said. 'How exactly is this supposed to help my strategy?'

'It helps me get some sleep.' Snape said. 'You haven't moved in ten minutes.'

'That's not my fault. I have a bishop willing to sacrifice himself for nothing and a pawn who wants me to save her and damn the consequences.'

'Don't listen to them, do what you think. The whole point of this is to keep your mind amid distractions.'

'I thought it was to learn strategy.' Harry said challengingly.

'That too.' Snape shrugged.

'But how can I ignore her?' He said pointing at the pawn. 'Look at her, she's crying.' And she was. Her whole form was shaking on the board.

Snape looked down dispassionately. 'Attention seeker.' She stopped shaking immediately. 'You'd think she'd be used to it, the amount of times they have all been smashed up. Most pieces find it fun.'

'Fun!?' Both Harry and the pawn said at the same time.

'It's certainly fun smashing people.' Said Snape's queen.'

'She never gets taken.' Said Harry's castle in a low gloomy voice. 'Hey are you going to do that swap thing? I'm getting cold on the outside here.'

'No, I'm not.' Said Harry, losing his temper. 'Just shut up a moment and let me think.'

'That's going to be hard for you.' Snape said with a sneer.

'You took the words right out of my mouth.' Said a new voice. Harry looked down at the chessboard but then realised that the voice hadn't come from there, it had come from the doorway.

'Lucuis.' Snape said silkily. 'What an unexpected … pleasure.'


	6. Painful Emotions

**Chapter 6 – Emotional Pain**

Lucius Malfoy was standing elegantly at the door to the room, looking very much like he owned the place, apart from the continuous sneer that was on his face as he looked around the room. It was obvious that he wasn't very impressed with it.

'Do not lie to me Severus. We both know that to you I am neither unexpected nor a pleasure.' He stalked into the room and to Harry's surprise came and sat down next to him, rather than next to Snape.

His eyes surveyed the board steadily. 'Oh dear, you are in trouble here, aren't you Harry?'

Harry couldn't speak. Hearing his first name come out of Lucius Malfoys mouth so jovially was a bigger shock than seeing Snape laughing. He could only stare at him bug-eyed.

Lucius picked up one of Harry's pawns and stroked it absently. It made a soft purring noise at the attention.

'I hope you're not going to lead all the aurors to my house, Lucius.' Snape said.

'I wasn't followed. You know how careful I am. In any case I need a place to stay for a few days.'

'Well you can't stay here.' Snape said firmly. 'I need time alone with my son, so that I might … get to know him better.' He smirked slightly at Harry.

'And I'm running away from a Dementors kiss so forgive me if I think my problem is a little more important than yours at the moment.'

'Do you think I give a fuck—'

'Language Severus. Is that any way to talk around your son? I will take the spare room, I'm sure you can transfigure another bed.'

With that he got up and glided gracefully to the door of the room Harry had been using. As he got to the door he stopped and turned around. 'I would move your queen if I were you, Harry. I think she is in grave danger.'

---------

The chess pieces lay forgotten, none them were in their rightful places any more, most were not even on the table. Snape was pacing back and forth across the room muttering to himself and cursing colourfully.

'He can not stay here.' He mumbled to himself then he turned to Harry. 'You will stay away from him, you hear.' Harry nodded mutely. 'Do not talk to him unless he asks you something specifically and even then keep your answer short and to the point. If you don't think you can answer without saying something stupid then claim ignorance or deafness. I don't care what you tell him as long as you don't mess this up for us!'

Harry had shrunken back into the couch during this rant. 'Does he know Occlumency?' He asked worriedly.

'Yes he knows Occlumency but that's not what you should be asking. You should be asking if he knows Legilimency and fortunately for us the answer is no.'

'So he can't access my thoughts?' Harry asked.

'That is correct.'

'Why can't you just tell him no? It's your house and if you don't want him here then he has no right to be here.' Harry ranted. He couldn't help feeling very uneasy around Lucius and he wondered, not for the first time, when he had stopped feeling uneasy around Snape.

'Did you not just listen to what went on just now, he completely ignored what I said.'

'Then make him listen.'

Snapes lip curled. 'If you think you can do it then you try.' He said

'Fine. I will.' Harry said determinately. 'And he got up and walked steadily towards the room Lucius had just disappeared into. After each stop he expected Snape would stop him but after a while he realised that he had no intention of doing so.

Harry's steps faltered as he realised the outrageousness of what he was about to do. He turned back to see Snape smirking at him widely. _I'll show him._ He thought as he turned back and knocked loudly on the door.

'It opened within a few seconds and Lucius Malfoy was standing there in all his elegance. It was obvious that he had been expecting Snape and not Harry to be at the door but he still managed to look down his nose at him.

Harry hesitated for a second thinking, _what am I doing, _but then he plunged right in.

'Look my father might be too scared to say anything,' he heard a scoff from behind him but carried on regardless. 'But I'm not. We don't want you here. It has to be a secret that I'm here and you are putting us in danger. If the aurors find me here there will be a lot of questions asked that I don't need at the moment. Plus we are trying to get to know each other and you interrupted a perfectly exciting game of chess where I was lulling Severus here into a false sense of security.'

There was another guffaw from behind and even Lucius smirked.

'But for Merlins sake,' he turned back to Snape in anger. 'Why aren't you stopping me?' He said to him.

'It was proving to be too amusing to stop you.' Snape replied, then he turned to Lucius. 'You may stay the night Lucius but no longer, and DON'T push me.' He warned. 'Come Harry.' And he beckoned him out into the living room.

'Pick up the chess pieces.' Snape said, sitting down on the couch.

Harry obediently got down on his hands and knees to pick them up. 'I'm sorry.' He said to the floor. 'I don't know what came over me. I was just expecting you to stop me at any time.'

I was debating it.' Snape said, sipping some wine. 'But you did quite well. I thought if you did shout at Lucius it would only make him think I have been more influential on you then he'd have hoped. It's the type of thing I would have done.'

'Shall we call it a draw then?' Harry asked, nodding towards the now empty chess board.

'No we most certainly shall not and for God sake are you a muggle or a wizard?'

'What?' Harry asked in confusion.

'There are much easier and less demeaning ways of picking up fallen chess pieces you know.' And with that he flicked his wand and the chess pieces piled themselves neatly back onto the board. With another flick of his wand the board zoomed back into the cupboard it had come from. 'You still think like a muggle, that is something else we will have to remedy.'

Harry just nodded sullenly before sitting down on the couch opposite Snape. 'I didn't know you had a spare room.' Harry said, changing the subject suddenly.

'I didn't.' Snape replied but you'd have to sleep somewhere and you're not sleeping in my bed again.'

'Oh, thanks, I guess. But you know my back is still hurting a bit—'

'Liar.' Snape said.

Harry sighed in defeat and then started picking at his trousers in nervousness and took a quick glance up at Snape before turning away quickly.

'What is it boy? Spit it out quickly before you fray those things you call trousers. I see we will have to go shopping too.'

Harry ignored Snapes comment about his clothes. 'I was just wandering whether I would be able to maybe… write to Ron and Hermione. You know just to tell them that I'm safe and fine and that I'm going after the Horcruxes.'

Harry held his breath while Snape seemed to mull this over. 'I'm sure you could find a safe way to send it.' He carried on hopefully. The fact that Snape wasn't saying no straight off was a good sign.

'I'd have to read it first to make sure you haven't written anything stupid as you are likely to do.' Harry gritted his teeth at that comment but kept quiet. 'And you certainly couldn't use your blasted owl.'

'I couldn't anyway.' Harry replied. 'Hedwig is at the Burrow. At least I hope she is, that's another thing I'll have to ask Ron.'

'Ask him what's happening with the school as well.' Snape told him. 'Whether it is opening again. I assume it is but it's very hard for me to get information at the moment.'

Harry nodded, a big grin on his face as he assumed by that that Snape was allowing it. Harry got up eagerly to go to his room before realising that Lucius was now in it, scowling slightly he sat back down again.

You may use my office for now.' Snape told him. 'There should be everything there you need but don't you dare touch anything else. I'm going to go have a long-overdue talk with Lucius then I want to carry on your training.' Harry groaned a little too loudly and Snape glared at him before stalking off, not even bothering to knock on the door before opening it and walking in.

Harry sighed as he went off towards the office- if you could even call it that, small as it was. He knew that the faster he learnt everything he needed to know then the sooner he could get out of this miserable place. But he also knew that the days of Harry Potter were gone.

When he finally was able to leave, even if it was even just to go shopping, it would only be with the glamour taken off and nobody even knew how to do that yet. He would have minded researching it himself, if only to take his mind off everything else.

He sat down heavily at the desk and pulled a piece of parchment towards him, then started searching for quill and ink. He found some in the draw, taking care not to look at anything else that was in there. He could have sworn he had seen one of Fred and Georges fake wands.

He was extremely surprised to find that Snapes room was a bit of a mess as he had always thought of Snape as being very organised. He chewed the end of the quill while trying to think of what to say and then realised that he probably shouldn't be doing that to something of Snape's.

Now, what to say?

_Dear Ron and Hermione,_

_How are you? I'm doing well. At the moment I'm living with two Death Eaters, Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy- you may have heard of them. It's been rather interesting so far. I would have lost a rather entertaining game of chess with Snape if he hadn't knocked all the pieces to the floor in a rage and then started pacing up and down the room hissing out every swear word ever invented in a variety of languages. I suppose it was a good thing, he really was thrashing me. Maybe you should play him Ron, you'd be a good match for him- but bring your own chess set._

_Anyway I did what I have been wanting to do since I met the slimy bastard and told Lucius exactly what I thought of him, I more or less told him to piss off and I didn't get in trouble for it. How cool is that? I have also been getting lessons in table manners so now I know which cutlery to use for which course. You wouldn't believe how good a cook Snape is._

_Tonight I have to sleep on another transfigured couch because Lucius took the one meant for me. Snape is going to sit by me and watch me get ready to sleep so he can help me clear my mind. He's such a kind, considerate person and I'm sure the back-handed slap round the face he gave me was purely accidental._

_Oh, and did I mention that Snape is my father?_

_So, what's happening with you two then?_

Maybe not!

----------

About half an hour later Harry stumbled back into the main room, rubbing his eyes furiously. He must have gone through five or sixes versions of the letter before he settled on one. As went over to the couch he placed the letter down on the table. Snape was obviously still conversing with Lucius but he had left a book on the table.

Harry picked it up as he flopped down onto the couch. _Occlusion- Protecting your mind from external invasion. _Harry read the title. He couldn't help rolling his eyes, why couldn't he have left him _The top 100 cheats used in professional Quidditch and how to use them effectively _that Harry had been in the middle of before he was most annoyingly abducted. He supposed it may have been because that book was supposedly illegal. Fred and George had got it for him of course.

But then this was Severus Snape Harry was thinking about and it wasn't as if he didn't own any illegal books.

It was about half an hour later when Harry was feeling rather sleepy that Snape came barrelling into the room, face like a storm cloud. 'That stuck up arrogant piece of shit.'

Harry looked up from his book in astonishment. It always amused him when Snape swore but he wasn't quite sure why.

'What's he done?' Harry asked eagerly, actually welcoming some gossip.

Snape just glared at Harry like everything was his fault- no change there then. 'Nothing.' He replied and then predictably went over to the drinks cabinet.

He poured out two glasses of Firewhiskey again and handed one to Harry. Snape wasn't so delicate about drinking it this time but Harry decided that this wasn't the time to mention it. He wasn't quite sure what he thought of his relationship with Snape. There was no way he could think of him as anything like his father but he had to grudgingly admit he was starting to trust him.

Snape picked up Harry's letter and started reading while taking a few more dignified sips of his drink. The last sip unfortunately was not swallowed and was spewed across the table in a rather undignified manner.

'What the fucking hell is this? _I'm living with two Death Eaters?'_

Harry's eyes widened as he realised just what Snape was reading. He tried to snatch it away but Snape was too quick for him, he got up and started pacing up and down the room again reading the letter. 'I don't swear in different languages…' He trailed off for a moment as he read some more. 'And I am certainly not a kind considerate person, although it is true that I'm a good cook…and I was certainly thrashing you…'

Harry could have sworn that he could see Snape lips twist up as if he was trying not to smile but then it was gone and he threw the piece of parchment into the fire. 'What the hell were you thinking?' He said, turning on Harry. 'If anyone else had read that.'

'It was a joke.' Harry spoke for the first time, trying to placate him. 'I wasn't going to send it at all I was just…you know…writing down my thoughts and stuff.'

'Writing down your thoughts.' Snape mimicked. 'Your mind is the place for that, not pieces of paper that anyone could read. Can you imagine what would have happened if I had picked that up without looking at it and sent it off?'

'Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Here…' Harry picked up the other role of parchment and handed it to Snape. 'This is the real one. Is that okay?' The last comment came out half sarcastically and half worriedly, which Harry thought perfectly summed up his split feelings towards Snape.

Snape sat down heavily on the couch and started reading, making loud hmphing noises at some points and a few eye rolls at others. 'I suppose it will do.' He said rolling it up and tapping it with his wand to seal it.

'It may take a few days to find a secure way of sending this.' Snape carried on and he put the scroll into his pocket. 'Now, I don't think trying any more Occlumency right now will do you the least bit of good and I'm not in the habit of wasting my time. But there is something very important you will have to learn.

Harry hid is grimace by taking a sip of firewhiskey, which made him grimace anyway. 'What's that? How to win at chess?'

Snape guffawed. 'Trying to teach you that would be a waste of both our times.'

'Hey I'm not that bad, am I?'

'Do you want me to answer that?'

Harry just shook his head dolefully.

'What you desperately need to know is how to act and what to say around the Dark Lord.'

Harry paled considerably.

'Or more likely how not to act and what not to say.' Snape continued. 'Knowing you and your ability to put your foot in you mouth as soon as it is opened I don't think it can be too early to teach you this.

'Now just suppose you have mustered Occlumency so you don't have to worry about what's in you mind. The most obvious thing is that you have to bow at his feet when you first enter a room.

Harry made a face of disgust.

'It's okay to feel that way at first.' Snape told him. 'The Dark Lord won't expect you to do this naturally at first. As I said, the bond grows in time. So it is expected that you will be hesitant and even a bit repulsed but you will still have to do it because I will have told you to do so. The bond is stronger between parent and child then it is between Master and servant.'

'So Voldemort will expect me to do exactly what you say, more than him.'

'Yes. And that's another thing, when talking to him you will call him "Master" or "My Lord." When talking about him you will call him "The Dark Lord." Do not let me ever catch you speaking his name or anything else around him or his servants.'

'Yes sir. What should I call you?'

'That will depend.' Snape said, taking another sip of his drink. 'On who we are with. If we are in the presence of the Dark Lord he will expect you to treat me with respect bordering on fear. In that respect you should always call me Sir.'

'Does he believe that you would treat me like he treats his servants, with painful punishments and all that?'

'Yes and most parents do with their children. He will expect you to think of me as a kind of master but under no circumstances should you call me Master because he is the only one who should be called that.'

'Oh, but of course.' Harry said cheekily.

'You better watch your mouth young man.' Snape said sternly. 'This is not a game we're playing here. And I am not averse to using crucio as punishment on my children either.'

Harry gulped in nervousness, he wouldn't put anything past the man. He took another sip of his drink, wincing as it went down his throat but realising all the while that he was getting used to it.

'When we are around other Death Eaters you will call me Severus at first. After a few months they will probably expect you to start calling me Father, but never call me Dad.'

Harry grimaced at the thought of Calling Snape 'Father'.

'When around other people you don't know you may call me either Severus or Sir but always treat me with respect.'

'I will if you'll do the same to me.' Harry said without thinking, then winced at the thought of what Snape would come back with.

'If the circumstance permits it.' Snape said, surprising Harry. 'But sometimes I have to treat you like—'

Suddenly a few things seemed to happen at once. Harry's scar flared up with pain, Snape's eyes widened and he clenched at his forearm and there was an almost inaudible gasp heard from inside the room where Lucius was. It didn't take a genius to work out what had happened.

'You see your scar is better even then the mark the other bonding children are given.' Snape said, through gritted teeth. 'Their marks do not let them know when they are being called like our ones do.' Just before the door to Lucius Malfoy's room opened Snape hissed. 'I want you to continue to read your book and don't even think about going to bed until I get back. We can't waste any more time.'

At that moment Lucius came out of his room, eyes clouded in pain, gripping his death eater mask in his hand.

'Go.' Snape said to him. 'I will collect my robes and follow.'

Harry heard two doors slam at once as Snape went into his room and Lucius went out the front door. He sat there a moment in a daze, wandering whether they normally had Death Eater meetings so close together.

A few moments later Snape came barrelling back out with his robe half on. He glanced wearily at Harry. 'Don't touch anything?'

'Yes sir.' Harry replied automatically, going into Dursley mode.

'I take it you can cook a little.' Harry nodded. 'Good, make something for yourself but try not to burn anything for God's sake.' He got to the door. 'And don't you dare fall asleep.'

Before Harry had time to respond Snape was already out the door.

Harry sighed and decided to take advantage of the empty house by taking a shower. Harry never learnt how but Snape had somehow managed to collect his belongings from the Dursleys.

He collected some clean clothes and made his way to the bathroom, still feeling as if he was intruding in someone else's house, even though he knew he'd be spending more time here the he could ever imagine. Afterwards he would read some more of the book and then cook himself some dinner. He actually blanched at the thought of wanting Snape here to cook for him.

----------

He was woken, rather suddenly and painfully with a hard tug on his hair.

'Ow.' He said, rubbing his scalp where it had been pulled. 'He looked up to find Snape standing over him, looking very irate. Harry's eyes widened. 'Um… oops.' He said quietly.

'Oops doesn't quite cover it.' Snape said just as quietly but very dangerously.

'Well you took so long … what time is it anyway?'

'It is twelve thirty and I wouldn't care if it was four in the morning, if I told you to stay up then you stay up. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?'

'Okay, okay. What's got up your arse?'

'Oh nothing much, just that the Dark Lord wants to see you at the next meeting.' Snape smirked as Harry paled. 'Now, does that sound like a problem to you?'

'Yes.' Harry croaked, suddenly finding it hard to find his voice.

'Good. At least we are both on the same wavelength here.'

Harry stood up and started pacing, hoping he wasn't picking this up from Snape. 'How often does he call a meeting?' He asked.

'Ususally about once a month and he calls a big one for all Death Eaters and potential Death Eaters once every four months. The last time he called one of those was over three months ago so in all likelihood…' Snape didn't have to finish his sentence as Harry paled even further, now looking very much the pallor of Snape himself.

'What - what do we do?' Harry said, his mind in a jumble and his heart racing. He felt like it might stop beating at any second from the shock and fear of it all.

'We take drastic measures in your Occlumency training. You're not going to like it but I'm sure you realise by now that I don't give a shit about that. Now come, Lucius has vacated the premises so you can have your room back.'

'He has? Why?' Harry asked, walking behind Snape to his room.

'Because he didn't have the Dark Lord's permission to reside here. I told the Dark Lord that he was getting in the way of the two of us bonding and he made Lucius leave.' Harry's relief was shown in his face.

'I see we will also have to teach you to mask your emotions.' Snape continued. 'The bad part is that the Dark Lord has given permission for Lucius to come and check up on us now and again. And I don't expect he will be the only one.'

'I thought the Dark Lord trusted you?' Harry said, sitting on the bed with a soft bump.

'He does. It's you he wants to keep an eye on.' Harry made a hmph noise as he took off his glasses and got into bed.

Snape left the room a moment and came back in carrying a potion. He set it down on the bedside table.

'That isn't dreamless sleep.' Harry said wearily.

'For once in your life you're right.' Snape paused a moment and looked at Harry solemnly. Then, pronouncing each word slowly and carefully, he carried on. 'It's a potion I made myself, it dulls the effect of the cruciatus curse.'

Harry's eyes widened and he clutched at the bed covers. 'And just why would need to use that?' He asked, his voice higher than he ever thought possible.

'Because I'm going to cast it on you, why else?'

Harry started shaking uncontrollably. He opened his mouth a few times to say something but nothing was coming out and his mouth felt very dry. He started taking in big gulps of air instead because it felt like he couldn't breath, his throat seemed to close up.

Then Snape backhanded him across the face for the second time in a matter of days. Beautiful air full his lungs and he actually choked on it a few times before he was able to regulate how much if it was going in. The slap was not nearly as hard as the last one and this time Harry realised the need for it so he didn't complain- at least not about that.

'Please…' He said instead. 'Please…' He couldn't think of any other words to use to show his distaste of Snape's plan.

'Listen to me boy.' Snape said, leaning down so he was only inches away from Harry's face. 'The situation calls for drastic measures, you will not be under the curse for very long and believe me when I say there are a lot worse things then the crucriatus curse.' He leant back again and looked at Harry shrewdly.

'Now,' he continued, 'How many times have you had the curse cast on you?'

'Twice.' Harry muttered, picking at his bed covers.

'And what were you thinking of when it happened?'

'The pain.' _Dur!_

'What else?'

'Just the pain.' Harry said.

'So while under the curse the only thing going through you mind was pain?'

'Yes.' Harry said, getting a bit flustered now.

'And you weren't thinking of anything else at all?'

Snape looked at Harry in a way that made him think he was missing something. Then suddenly it came to him.

'Oh!'

'Oh, indeed.' Snape replied. 'Shall we?'

'No.' Harry said stubbornly.

'Good.' Snape replied. 'Prepare yourself.'

The pain seemed even worse then before and Harry couldn't believe it when Snape told him he was only under the curse for five seconds.

'More like five minutes.' Harry replied.

'Okay, were you able to think of anything else?'

'No.' Harry said, still shaking from the after-effects. Snape wouldn't let him have the potion until they had completely finished.

'And I distinctly remember you telling me that you could never clear your mind, hmm.' Snape said.

'It's not completely clear, I still feel pain.'

'Pain is an emotion which is why you feel it but you don't think it. You don't think of anything and this is what I'm trying to show. This time I want you to fall into the emotion so much so that even when I let up on the curse you can still feel the pain, you can still remember what it's like.'

'How do I do that?' Harry asked.

'I'm going to hold the curse a little while longer and instead of trying to distance yourself from the pain, which is an instinct reaction, I want you to embrace it, feel it all around you, turn it into something higher than yourself.

'It is what I do but not to help clear my mind, it helps me to put up with it. You would think it would make it worse but it doesn't. When you become part of the emotion you find it easier to deal with it and you are so focused on it that you do not even find the need to scream.'

'I will always scream.' Harry said.

'I will teach you not to.'


	7. Strangers In The Night

Chapter 7 – Strangers In The Night

Harry didn't notice when he fell asleep from exhaustion. He half remembered Snape pouring the potion down his throat a moment before he lost all consciousness. His brain was hazy and his mind filled with a foggy sense of some distant pain. That was all.

He had fallen asleep feeling nothing but that. He slept more peacefully then he had ever remembered doing before, had no dreams, no visions, no tossing or turning. But he did wake up, suddenly, absolutely, and for no reason at all, in the middle of the night. And for the life of him he could not get back to sleep.

Stumbling into the kitchen he got himself a drink of water, giggled a bit when he accidentally knocked an oven timer on the floor then jerked when he heard Snape's voice come floating through from the main room.

'Who's there?'

When Harry entered the room Snape was sitting on the couch, a glass of wine in one hand and a thick book in the other, gazing back over his shoulder at Harry.

'Don't you ever sleep?' Harry asked.

'I do if I feel like it.' Snape replied. 'Why aren't you sleeping?'

'Because I woke up.' Harry said, stating the obvious. 'And couldn't get back to sleep again.' He felt he had better add before Snape could get out one of his famous insults.

'Come.' Snape said, nodding towards the couch and shocking Harry with his attitude, not for the first time that day.

Harry came and sat down next to Snape, who poured another glass of wine out for him. Harry found that it tasted much better than the firewhiskey, fruity and sweet. He took a few more sips of it and they both lapsed into silence, staring at the fire.

Harry really didn't know what to say or how to act around Snape because he had such differing personalities. He would cast an extremely painful curse on him but then he would also relieve the pain and more or less tuck him into bed. Harry remembered that vividly. He knew he was starting to trust Snape as other things about the last year that he hadn't thought about came back to him. Lucius Malfoy on the other hand made Harry feel distinctly uncomfortable.

'I'm glad Malfoy's gone.' Harry finally ventured to say.

Snape snorted. 'I would expect so. He was far too interested in you to make even me nervous. But I was amused at your little talk with him, his face was fucking priceless.'

Harry laughed slightly at the way Snape had said that.

'What's so funny?' Snape asked, suddenly very suspicious.

'Nothing.' Harry said quickly. 'It doesn't matter.'

'If it didn't matter then I wouldn't have asked, would I?' Snape said, gritting his teeth.

'Well … it's just … the swearing.' He glanced at Snape quickly but couldn't discern any form of emotion on it. 'I don't know why I think it's funny, maybe because when you were my teacher you obviously didn't swear. You'd tell other students off when they'd swear and all this time, behind closed doors, you've got the dirtiest mouth of the lot of us.'

'Even your Weasley friend?' Snape asked with a raised eyebrow.

Harry blushed. 'Well, maybe the same as him.'

Snape poured himself another glass of wine and Harry could see that he looked slightly amused. The other thing he had found was that Snape was a lot more accepting of things he said to him now then he had been when he was his teacher, although you could never be too sure of his mood. He would still shout at him sometimes but Harry found it didn't have the same effect on him anymore, since he had first seen Snape laugh.

'I swore at a student once, when I first started teaching.' Snape said, gazing at the wall. 'It was my second year and she was the tinniest first year I'd ever seen. Her potions skills…' Snape shook his head slowly. 'Worse than yours.' He glanced at Harry. 'Anyway one time during a detention I lost my temper, swore at her without really realising I had done so. So of course she went and told the headmaster.'

'Uh oh.' Harry said.

Snape smiled. 'He gave me a right bollocking.' Harry burst out laughing but Snape didn't seem to mind this time. 'The worst I'd ever had until you turned up.'

'Why me?'

'Because with you around there was a lot more to give me a bollocking about. How I was too hard on you, how you were just a child, how I treated you more unfairly than the others, how that punishment was too harsh and how you were actually saving the school even if you did break about five hundred rules in the process. How I had it in for you and I should realise that you are not like your father—'

'Well that one's definitely true.' Harry interrupted.

'Judging by your potions skills especially-or lack of them.'

They were silent again for a few moments but it was a comfortable silence. Harry sipped his drink again and again wondered when Snape and comfortable had been able to be put into the same sentence.

'I know this isn't an ideal situation for you.' Snape said softly.

'I know it isn't for you either.' Harry replied, glancing at Snape while he sipped his wine. 'You've had to change everything, give up your job, friends, freedom…'

Snape snorted. 'It doesn't take an Hermione Granger to see that I never liked my job and my colleagues can be called acquaintances at the most. Also what freedom do you have when you're a spy for both sides?'

Harry shrugged a little uncomfortably. 'At least you weren't running from one side.'

'I was always running, I assure you. Also it is more dangerous now that it is the side I am not on that believes in me. If I am found out I will have nowhere to turn. The only person on the side of the light that knows I am not a real Death Eater- apart from you- is Minerva.'

'How come?' Harry asked.

'Albus told her.' Harry was about to say something when Snape carried on. 'His portrait did anyway. She has been my source of information these last few days. Don't worry, she doesn't know about you.'

'I wasn't worried about that.' Harry replied. 'I just didn't think he would tell her. I didn't think you would want her to know.'

'I'd rather no one know, it's safer that way. But if someone has to she is probably the best.'

'What, the head of Gryffindor?'

'Yes, what's so surprising about that. We are closer than most people think. She did teach me you know. Our rivalry goes as far as play arguments about who's going to win the Quidditch cup and a few real arguments about you.'

Harry went to ask what but Snape waved his hand to stop him. 'Same sort of thing as Albus always said. But we had a friendly chess competition going on in the staff room during the school year.'

'I bet you always won.' Harry said gloomily.

'No, not everyone is as awful as you. We were quite evenly matched. I think she won last years by one but I won for three years before that.'

'Ron would beat you both at the same time.' Harry said a little spitefully.

'I don't doubt it.' Snape replied. 'I'm certainly not an expert.'

Harry knew that was meant as a further insult to Harry's own chess skills and he decided he was not going to win this conversation. 'Has she told you if the school's opening this year?' He said as a way of changing the subject.

'In all likelihood it is but they have to see about numbers first.'

'And can I go back if it does?'

'That depends on two things.'

'Whether I master Occlumncy.'

'Yes… and…'

'And… my glamour.'

'Yes. That needs to go first. We can't have you running around as Harry Potter- too many questions. We probably won't get them both done before school starts in September but we should have them done by the end of December.' Harry nodded. 'Tomorrow I am going to start researching what kind of glamour Lily might have used on you and I'll probably need your help, dare I say it.'

Harry laughed and they lapsed into silence again. Harry took a few more sips of wine and felt he could get used to it quite easily.

'I do know that your friend Ronald isn't the only Weasley you're interested in.' Snape said, staring at the fire. Harry flinched involuntarily. 'And you don't have to try and hide that from me.' Snape carried on. 'I recognised your not so subtle hints to the youngest Weasley in your letter.'

Harry blushed. 'I wasn't trying to hide it from you exactly, I just didn't want Ginny to be in any danger if the letter got intercepted.'

'Oh and you weren't snogging her in the middle of the corridors for everyone to see.'

'That only happened once.' Harry muttered.

'Pity you didn't go any further, I doubt you'd have the chance now.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Harry asked, a little outraged.

'You know exactly what I mean. I had always assumed that, being the amazing Harry Potter, you would have shagged quite a few girls already, especially seeing as James would go for any female that moved and wasn't in Slytherin. But now that we both know he isn't your real father that's probably why you haven't followed in his footsteps.'

Harry blanched. 'That is not how I expected my father to ever speak to me.'

Snape just raised an eyebrow.

'You're not how I expected you to be at all.' Harry continued.

'How so?' Snape asked, drinking his wine. 'Apart from the shocking fact that I swear a lot.'

'Well for a start a few days ago I never would have thought you could laugh.' Snape chuckled. 'See, there you go again, it's just not normal. People think you're always so stern and serious. And that's another thing, I never know how you're going to react to things. Sometimes I might say something and you find it funny and other times you hit me or something.'

'I've only done that twice.'

'Well most fathers don't do that at all.'

'Not the fathers I know.' Snape replied.

'Most non-Death Eater fathers anyway. And the things you say to me, talking about sex so naturally, pushing me to drink—'

'You're over seventeen years of age.' Snape interrupted. 'Listen, I do everything for a reason. I know you still don't think of me as a father and I feel the same way about you but I think of that as a good thing because this is not an ideal father and son situation. I'm going to be teaching you things that no father should ever teach their children. I am going to be cursing you, causing you pain, teaching you things that are going to cause other people pain.

'I am bringing you into an adult world, Harry.' Harry jerked in shock at hearing Snape use his first name. 'Where even the children act as the adults do. They drink, they smoke, they swear and they shag each other silly.'

Harry found himself blushing again and looked down.

'We'll have to get you out of that habit too.' Snape said, looking at him.

'Some adults don't do these things and don't think of them as very grown up at all.' Harry said.

'These ones do and that's all that matters. Snape said firmly. 'I am teaching you everything because you need to know them. Do you know why I'm trying to get you used to drinking alcohol?'

'No.' Harry replied.

'Think about it.' Snape said, giving him a hard look.

'Because… um…' Harry licked his dry lips. 'I'll have to have some at these party things?'

Snape sighed. 'Yes, at least that's part of the reason but not the main one. You have a lot of secrets to keep at the moment that would be the death of us if they came out. What would be the one situation where you may accidentally let these things slip?'

'When I'm drunk.' Harry said, realisation dawning.

Snape nodded shortly. 'It doesn't take much fire whiskey to make one drunk if they are not used to it. And like you said, you will be expected to partake in some, like all the children will.'

'What's happening with Malfoy? – Draco, I mean.' Harry asked.

'I've done all I can with him, he's now been handed over to his father.'

'Will he…'

'He most probably already has.' Snape answered before Harry had completed the question. 'In a way Draco was Lucius's last hope, and he failed. Lucius will not be merciful.'

'I never thought I'd feel sorry for Draco Malfoy.' Harry said, shaking his head. 'What did you try to do to help him?'

'I literally saved the boy's life by telling the Dark Lord that I killed Dumbledore before Draco had the chance to. I got crucio for it even though he never really believed it.'

'Why not?'

'Because there were enough other witnesses there saying that he stood there for ages not doing anything. I managed to put enough doubt in the Dark Lord's mind that he didn't use the killing curse straight away.

'I tried to get Draco to stay with me but the Dark Lord wasn't having any of it. He said that Lucuis would be tougher on him than me. I then made the mistake of arguing, saying that I could teach the boy more and that Lucius hadn't made a good job of it so far. I got another round of crucio for that.'

'Well you're not exactly Mother Teresa yourself, are you?' Harry felt he had to say.

Snape looked at Harry a moment. 'I've been a lot nicer than most fathers who've known their children all their life. I cast the cruciatus curse on you for a reason. The first slap was more of a shock factor than anything else, I wanted to show you what I could do if I needed to and impress on you the seriousness of the situation we found ourselves in. The second slap was because you were hyperventilating.'

'Yeah, sorry about that.' Harry said.

'Like I said, I do everything for a reason.'

Harry paused a moment trying to come up with the courage to ask his next question. 'What- um, what were your reasons for becoming a Death Eater?' He asked in a rush. 'I mean was it just your parents influence.'

Snape didn't say anything for a moment and Harry assumed he had either clamed up or was about to shout at Harry to go to his room. 'It was my parents that influenced my choice, but not at all in the way you imagine.'

Harry didn't push and hoped that Snape would carry on. 'My parents were not Death Eaters and never would be. My father was a muggle- you must have realised one of them was.'

Harry nodded his head, he remembered now what Hermione had found out. Snapes mum's second name had been Prince- hence The Half-blood Prince. Harry idly wondered if the book was still in its hiding place in the room of requirement.

'Well he was the main reason I became a Death Eater and thought it was a good idea to wipe out all muggles and muggle-borns. I felt I had a lot in common with the Dark Lord. We both had fathers who were muggles and mothers who were as pure-blooded as they came. Both our fathers were bastards and wronged our mothers. I felt that the Dark Lord must be right and that he could give me what he wanted.'

'What did your father do to you?' Harry asked in a whisper.

'He never did anything to me, it was my mother he did everything to, he verbally and physically abused her and he didn't care if I was watching or not. I wanted to kill him, and the Dark Lord promised me that I would be able to should I come into his service, just like he had done with his own father.'

'You- you killed your own father?' Harry said, shock giving way to a little bit of fear.

'No. In the end my mother did it before I had the chance to.' Snape said bitterly.

'Your mum?'

'Yes, obviously it got to a time when she just had enough.'

'What happened to her?' Harry asked.

'She died in Azkaban.' Snape replied bitterly.

Harry didn't know what to reply to that so he kept silent.

'It wasn't only that but it played a big part in it all. Your fa- James Potter and his gang had a lot to do with it as well. They were the epitome of good and light and I hated them.'

Harry looked down at his hands, thinking about the scene he had seen in Snape's pensieve. It still hurt him even now, even now that he knew James wasn't his real father.

'And how come you knew a lot of dark arts before coming to Hogwarts?' Harry asked, remembering that Sirius had said something along those lines.

'That was my uncle.' Snape replied. 'He taught me that. I wanted to know anyway and he gave me the power I was seriously lacking elsewhere. You must have realised that I wasn't very popular at School. But when I met Lucius and the other Death Eaters I finally felt I was somewhere I belonged. I obviously didn't realise at the time that they were all two-faced backstabbers only out for themselves.'

Harry took some more wine and sat back to drink it, deciding that it would probably be best to change the subject even though what he really wanted to know was why Snape had turned away from the dark again. 'So do you stay awake all night often?' He asked casually.

'I never need much sleep.' Snape replied. 'And like you, I can have nightmares.'

'Wha—'

'It doesn't matter but if I feel I can't sleep I don't force it. It's nice and quiet at night- usually.' He finished, glaring at Harry.

'Look I don't want to be here either, I wanted to be out looking for the Horcruxes.'

'Well I can tell you now that it would have been a waste of time on your own, you wouldn't have known where to start.'

'Hermione and Ron were going to help me, they wouldn't take no for an answer.' Harry said.

'Oh in that case I take everything back. With a walking library and a chess wizard I'm sure the Horcruxes will just fall at your feet.' Harry could hear the sarcasm.

'Well do you have any brighter ideas?'

'Yes, a lot of them. I know more than you realise, especially about the… um… _Horcrux_ that you and Albus retrieved. But we've got to sort out our own problems before we sort out the rest of the wizarding worlds. You will need to become Voldemort's loyal servant first before you can think about killing him.'

'Where's the logic in that then?' Harry asked.

'The logic is that you do not yet have the power, resources or presence of mind to defeat him but until then it would be nice if you were at least kept alive. But mainly this way you will be able to find out a lot more about him and that is what has helped me all these years.

'You may not like this but the best way to defeat Voldemort is to get as close to him as possible. That way you will find out his strengths and weaknesses first hand. That is why Albus had you look in the pensieve. Remember, knowledge is power.'

Harry nodded solemnly but still couldn't help looking a bit disgusted.

'Now go to bed.'

'What?' Harry asked, astonished.

'I've told you before I am not in the habit of needlessly repeating myself.' Snape said.

'It would have taken you less time to repeat yourself then it would have for you to run off that spiel.'

'I will need your help with the potion tomorrow as I want you to lose the glamour as quickly as possible. I hope you are capable enough to follow instructions but I certainly don't want to add tiredness into it. I'll have enough problems when you're fully alert.'

'Fine, fine.' Harry grumbled. 'But you do realise you're going all fatherly on me.'

'Yes I do but there are some circumstances where it is needed. I also know that you are a little tipsy, even if you don't know that yourself, your mind is still clouded with the pain you went to sleep with and we are going to need to do some more of it before you go to sleep again.'

'Oh no, not crucio again.' Harry said, getting up and walking shakily towards his room.

'Yes, again.' Snape said, following him in. 'You will get used to it.'

'I'll never get used to that.'

'You will.'

'I won't.'

'You will.'

'I won't.'

'You'll never win you know.'

'I just have, haven't I?'

'Not if I reply while you're in the deepest pain.'

'Bastard.'


	8. Crossovers

**Chapter 8 - Crossovers**

Harry helped Snape the next morning. That is if you could call cutting the salamander skin the wrong way and shredding the lacewing flies instead of chopping them finely, helping.

After Snape had called him an imbecile with mush for brains for the third time, causing Harry to drop the jar of chattering Doxy teeth on the floor, sending them skidding around the floor in apparent delight, Harry decided he had had enough. Without even looking at the irate potions master or giving an explanation he stormed from the room, breathing heavily and anger boiling in the pit of his stomach.

He plopped himself down on the couch in the living room and just stayed that way for a few minutes, staring at the wall. He was still in a rage and still trying to get his breathing under control by the time Snape came back into the room five minutes later, robe flying out behind him.

'Come, I need your help with the last part of the procedure.' Snape said, jerking his head back towards the potions room.

Harry stared at him open mouthed for a moment, his mind whirling with thoughts as to why Snape was not at this moment shouting at him for stomping from the room. Then he realised two things, he already knew how unpredictable Snape could be and more importantly, why should he care that Snape wasn't shouting at him.

The thought of Snape's unpredictability was reinforced when, once back in the potions room Snape took hold of a knife and started advancing towards Harry with a glint in his eye Harry didn't like.

'Wh-what?' Harry took a few steps back until his back was against the wall.

'Oh stop being such a coward. Where's you sense of Griffindor bravery?' Snape said with a sneer. 'I need your blood for the potion, now hold your hand out over the cauldron.'

Harry took a deep breath and let it out in a relieved sigh. For a moment there he really had the image of Snape stabbing him. He held his hand out in a show of bravery he didn't feel.

Before he even knew it was happening Snape had made a small cut along his palm, eliciting a small gasp from Harry. Then Snape took hold of his hand and turned it over on top of the cauldron, letting three drops in, which fizzled when making contact with the liquid. Harry tried to snatch his hand back but Snape wouldn't let him, instead he took out his wand and with a quick flick healed the cut on Harry's hand.

'Now that wasn't too difficult was it?' Snape said sickly sweetly. 'Would you like a lollypop for being so very brave?'

Harry thought of telling Snape just where he could stick his lollypop but then thought he'd play along instead because, in all reality, he did rather want a lollypop. 'Oh, yes please.' He said in a very childlike voice.

The expression on Snape face made it look like he was expecting a reply more along the lines of where he could stick the lollypop than of actually wanting one.

'Can I have a cola one?' Harry carried on, now jumping up and down in excitement. 'You know, one of those chuppa-chupps?'

Snape didn't have time to reply as the potion suddenly starting spitting and the colour turned acid green before spitting even more madly. Snape quickly turned the flame down underneath it.

'What actually is it?' Harry said, finally paying attention to the potion but keeping well out of its firing range.

'It's Aperire Facere Ostentare.'

'You what?'

'You asked.'

'Yes, but what does it actually do? Do I have to drink it? It looks disgusting.'

'Of course you don't have to drink it, what would be the point of putting your blood in if you were just going to drink it anyway?'

'But then how would it change my appearance if I don't do anything with it except give it blood?'

Oh for Merlin's sake Potter, if you'd bothered to learn your Latin you'd know that it wouldn't change anything. If I knew what to make that would remove the glamour I would have done so a while ago.'

'Then what the hell is it?'

'It's a reavealo potion. If done right this should hopefully tell me what spell was used on you in the first place, then I can find out how to reverse it.'

'Oh. And I thought we were nearly there.' Harry looked despondent but still glanced in at the frothy, bubbling green potion in expectation.

It's not going to reveal the spell in big flashing letters if you stare at it long enough.' Snape said. 'We need to leave it for an hour or two and then come back and see if it has changed at all. Come on, let's have lunch.'

'What will happen to it then?' Harry asked as he followed Snape out of the potions lab.

'If I knew that I wouldn't have made it, would I?' Snape said in irritation.

For lunch they started with melon balls dipped in some kind of alcohol and then had Tagliatelle in a creamy mushroom sauce, with garlic bread. Again it was extremely nice but Harry simply could not find a way of eating it without it going everywhere. Snape would neatly wrap his around his spoon and eat it sensibly while Harry couldn't get the whole thing in his mouth without bits of it dropping off and he always had to slurp a bit up at the end.

Snape kept on sending Harry dirty looks throughout and commenting on what a slob he was being. By the time Snape had finished his Harry had had enough, He left the rest of his pasta and just ate the garlic bread, which he thought was a shame as it was very nice. Snape still managed to comment harshly on the way he was eating the bread.

Afterwards they had Crème Brule, which Harry managed to eat with a little more manners but he still found he couldn't eat it all. He ended up pushing the rest of it around with his fork.

'How many times have I told you not to play with your food?' Snape snapped.'

'Sorry.' Harry said a little wistfully and he pushed his bowl away only to start fiddling with the edge of his napkin.

Okay, what is it?' Snape asked, throwing his own napkin down on the table.

'What?' Harry asked, looking up for the first time.

'You've been moody throughout lunch and I don't think it was because you had no idea how to eat Tagliatelle properly. So out with it. What's on your pretty little mind?'

Harry sighed. 'Well just … I was wondering why … why can't I go back to school as Harry Potter?'

'There are a lot of reasons for that but the main one and the only one that matters is that the Dark Lord does not want you to and what the Dark Lord wants or doesn't want goes.'

'But why?' Harry said, trying to find any way out of never being with his friends again.

'Because as Harry Potter you have every dark wizard in the country after you and it would seem a bit strange when they do not appear to be after you anymore. The Death Eater children- well most of Slytherin actually- will want to and be told to befriend you and we cannot have Harry Potter befriending Slytherins because it will again seem suspicious.

'You will have to leave everything at a moments notice if you are called by the Dark Lord and be able to leave to go to any functions you are asked. This will not be possible as Harry Potter as you would be watched closely and be protected fiercely from anything outside Hogwarts by Minnerva and all the rest of the staff. Unlike other people it will be noticed if Harry Potter isn't around. You won't be able to move or breathe without someone on the staff knowing about it.

'It may seem a bit backwards but it would be a lot harder to hide from the side of the light as the Golden Boy then it has been to hide form the side of the dark because you would be in the most dangerous position anyone could be- pretending to be dark pretending to be light. Is that enough information for you?

Harry let out a long breath and tried to think it over, staring at Snape a moment. 'You're in the same position, aren't you?' He finally said.

'No.' Snape replied. 'I am only pretending to be dark. And even before then when I was a spy for both sides it was easier because both sides knew I was pretending- or at least thought they knew. With you the light side can't have a clue what is going on.'

Harry's head was spinning widely by then. 'Can't I be an in between shade? You know, like grey or something?' Snape just looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 'Okay, okay. But Professor McGonnagal knows anyway, doesn't she?'

'She only knows that I am not a loyal Death Eater. She knows nothing about you and nor can she because even once you are able to occlude your mind from the Dark Lord he will still be able to see what you are doing and hear what you are saying. Telling anyone at all what is going on will be signing both of our death warrants.'

Harry shivered. To put it lightly he was fucked!

This is why you really need to trust me now.' Snape said, starting to clear up from lunch.

'I do trust you. Really, I do. I don't know how it happened, probably after seeing all that stuff in your pensieve. I guess a few things occurred to me that I'd never thought of before.'

'Like what?' Snape asked, looking quite curious despite himself.

'Like why Professor Dumbledore gave you the Dark Arts job when he knew that it was cursed. He must have known already that you were only going to last the one year.'

'You're not quite as stupid as you pretend to be.' Snape said and Harry furrowed his brow, trying to work out if that was an insult or a compliment.'

'We both knew Draco wouldn't complete the task.' Snape carried on. 'And we knew the Dark Lord meant for me to complete it in the very likely event of Draco failing. In a way we had always known it would come and the headmaster had already declared himself useless in the coming war, at least to me. He was slowly dying, you could see that at the end when … he couldn't even sit up straight and I knew…' He trailed off and looked into the fire with an expressionless face.

'And … that's why you got so annoyed when I called you a coward. 'Cause that must have been one of the hardest things you had to do. I do know what he can be like, he made me force him to drink that green potion in the cave. I thought I was going to kill him and I was so terrified at what I was doing.'

'The headmaster himself didn't know what he was drinking and it could have been killing him, probably was but he knew that he was going to die anyway so he didn't care.'

'Well that makes me feel so much better.' Harry said crossly.

'Well now you know how I've been feeling all this time.' Snape shot back, some of his old snarkiness coming back.

Harry only nodded slowly. 'Sorry. But there was something else I've been thinking about.'

'Oh pray do tell.' Snape said in a sarcastic voice even though Harry knew he actually did want to know.

'Well … I also wondered because I knew Dumbledore trusted you so much, so completely that I couldn't understand why he felt the need to plead with you to save him. He should have known you would have anyway.'

Snape nodded shortly.

'I guess he knew you didn't want to kill him and was only pleading because of that. Like you said he wasn't going to uncover your position as a spy just to save himself.'

'Like I said, you are more astute then I gave you credit for.' That was definitely more of a compliment. 'And I am glad that you trust me at least, because without that none of this would work.'

'And uh … there was something else.' Harry said, finally coming to the point.

'Yes.' Snape said, being extremely patient for him.

'Well, I know you said that pensieves can't lie without showing it but I know what I saw really happened for another reason.' He followed Snape into the small kitchen.

'Oh, and what is that?' Snape asked.

'Uh, Hagrid overheard you and Dumbledore talking in the forest.'

Snape stared at Harry a moment in shock. 'That time…' Harry nodded. Snape snorted. 'That great oaf couldn't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it.'

'And it probably has sometimes.' Harry agreed.

Snape chuckled and waved his wand to start the dishes washing themselves.

'It's strange.' Harry said, helping Snape put the things away with a flick of his wand. 'Before, when I had every reason to trust you I didn't and now that you've apparently shown you're true alliance I believe you're really one of the good guys.'

'One of the good guys?' Snape asked incredulously.

'Yeah.' Harry said sincerely. 'Everyone knows that you're either a goodie or a baddie and that in the end the goodies win, which is why I chose to be a goodie.'

'You didn't have a choice.' Snape informed him.

'I could have chosen to kill V— uh, The Dark Lord and take over from him more powerful then you could ever imagine.'

'Where did you get that from?' Snape asked in amusement.

'Star Wars.' Harry admitted. 'But this is a bit like Star Wars, with the light and the dark side of the force. I'd of course be Luke Skywalker.'

Snape snorted at that.

'You Know Who will be the emperor with Lucius Malfoy as his sidekick Darth Vader.'

'Shouldn't I be Darth Vader? Seeing as _I am your father Harry_.' Snape said with a good imitation.

'Oh so you do watch it.' Harry said cheekily.

Snape just shrugged.

'I suppose you both wear enough black.' Harry carried on.

'Don't tell me Granger would be the princess?' Snape said, closing his eyes in apparent disgust.

'Of course she would. And Ron would be Han Solo.'

Snape snorted again and started walking out of the kitchen.

'And if this was Lord Of The Rings I'd be Frodo.' Harry said, following Snape out of the kitchen. He was really getting into this.

'You'd be small enough.' Snape muttered.

----------

After lunch they started on their Occlumency again. Or at least tried to.

'You are not concentrating.'

'Oh don't start that again. You shouted at me last time and it didn't do any good.'

'Nothing seems to do that with you.'

'Well maybe you could tell me how to do it.'

'I have been.'

'You have not. All you've been doing is telling me to fucking clear my mind.'

Snape laughed. 'Now who has the foul mouth?'

'Well, like father like son.'

Snape sighed. 'Okay, sit down.'

Harry sat, or more like fell into a chair, breathing heavily. 'Last time was good.' He said. 'You know when you told me to picture the dementor and—'

'That would do no good now.' Snape interrupted. Sitting down himself. 'That was to show what you could do, what you are capable of doing on your own, and more importantly what you will be doing once you have mastered this very simple concept.'

'What, clear your mind?' Harry barked in a good imitation of Snape.

'Perhaps I have been doing this wrong.' Snape admitted.

'Perhaps?'

'Ssh. I have been trying to show you how it feels when your mind is clear, you went to sleep in a cloud of pain and had a dreamless sleep because you weren't actually thinking of anything.'

'I was feeling pain.' Harry muttered sulkily.

'And what will the Dark Lord care if he finds out you are in pain?'

'It'll make him happy.' Harry replied.

'And what if he finds out I am a spy?'

'He'll probably kill us.' Harry admitted.

'No probably about it.' Snape said. 'Now I'm going to try something else. Close your eyes.'

'Oh God, not again.' Harry mumbled but at Snape's glare he did as he was told. 'Now, where do you feel the most safe?'

'Where?' Harry opened his eyes again and looked at Snape in confusion.

'It was a very simple question.' Snape replied calmly.

'Well, I…' Harry floundered for a while. 'I don't know where.' He finally said, looking down at his shoes.

'For Merlin's sake Potter, there must be somewhere. Your cupboard under the stairs, Gryffindor common room, astronomy tower, the Burrow, the bog. Where?' By this point Snape was almost shouting.

'I-I don't know where. I don't feel safe anywhere. The only place Voldemort hasn't been able to get to me is at the Dursleys and I certainly don't feel safe there.'

'How many times have I told you not to say his name?' Snape snapped.

'Sorry.' Harry muttered.

'No, forget the Dark Lord for a moment—'

'I wish.' Harry interrupted.

'—And think of this in another way.' Snape carried on regardless. 'I'm not asking where you feel safe from the dark lord or your darling relatives, only where you feel the most at ease, the most relaxed where you can let your thoughts flow easily.'

'I never let my thoughts flow easily. They flow when I'm asleep but that's usually in the form of nightmares and I wouldn't call that relaxing.'

'Well no wonder you can't learn Occlumency.' Snape said, jumping up from the couch in what Harry supposed might be fury. 'I can't believe all this time we've wasted.' Snape carried on, slapping himself on the forehead. 'You've never had a safe place to collect your thoughts, store your memories?'

Harry shook his head slowly, worried Snape might slap him again.

'Not even in bed.'

'No. I have all these thoughts but none of them safe. Last night was the most peaceful night I'd ever had.'

'Pain then. We'll have to settle with pain.' Snape said finally.

'I don't want more pain.' Harry said.

'I don't mean it in that way.' Snape sat back down again and thought about it for a while. 'How do you feel when you're in the hospital wing?' He finally asked.

'I'd feel a lot better if Madame Pomfrey wasn't fawning all over me.'

'Okay, how do you feel when you're in the hospital wing without Madame Pomfrey fawning all over you?' Snape amended.

'Alright, I guess.' Harry shrugged. He wasn't sure where this was leading too.

'And when you're given dreamless sleep and left alone do you feel relaxed?'

'Yeah, I guess.' He replied, relieved at least to be able to give a positive answer.

'Good, we'll start with that then.' Snape said, giving a sigh if relief. 'Close your eyes.'

'Oh, not again.' Harry said in irritation but he still did as he was told.

'What do you see when you're in the hospital wing?' Snape asked.

'White.' Harry said stupidly.

'Well this whiteness Harry, is where you're going to store your memories.'

----------

Occlumency was one of the most exhausting things Harry had ever done and they did it for hours with a few breaks for chocolate frogs and Firewhiskey. Harry had once commented how it was a strange combination at which Snape snatched the half eaten chocolate frog from his hand. Harry then had to apologise profusely for the next two minutes before Snape would give it back.

Snape had Harry almost cocoon himself in his room of whiteness, which had a vague resemblance of the hospital wing as he was lying on a bed. He then brought Harry to the state of mind he is in when he has just taken dreamless sleep potion and is in that dozy sate between wakefulness and unconsciousness.

Once Harry is in that situation Snape would then get him to remove some of the important memories one by one form his mind, like you would do with a pensieve. He would then have to study them for a moment before letting them go so that it would float away but still be confined to the white room.

Only then would Snape enter his mind and search through his memories. It was a long and complicated procedure but to Harry's immense surprise and exhilaration it seemed to work until Harry either eventually snapped out of the state he was in or fell too deeply into it and actually fell unconscious. It was after the latter times that he was given the chocolate frogs and firewhiskey.

'It's working isn't it?' Harry asked while munching on his bit of frog.

'Yes it is.' Snape replied, looking fairly surprised himself. 'I just wish before hand that I knew you never had anywhere you could relax.'

'Well it's pretty hard not to relax in a white room, there is absolutely nothing else there to look at or think about and you do start to doze. It's probably why hospital rooms are like that.'

'It's exactly why hospital rooms are like that.' Snape amended. We will have to keep on practising this, especially at night so that soon you will no longer need to be taken into that room, it will appear itself whenever it is needed.'

'Cool.' Harry replied. 'I have my own private room.'

'Wasn't your cupboard under the stairs your own private room?'

Harry glared at him for a moment. 'Isn't your potion ready by now?' He asked back.

'Shit!'

----------

The potion was now an almost translucent white.

'Figures. Harry said, glancing into it.

Snape seemed not to hear and looked like he was thinking hard. 'Interesting.' He mumbled, stroking his chin and looking at the liquid thoughtfully. He the picked up the ladle that was lying by the side of the cauldron and dipped it into the potion. The liquid was thick and smooth, reminding Harry of Unicorns blood except for the difference of colour.

'I'll have to look into this.' Snape finally said. 'But the whiteness showed that the charm used must be extremely potent light magic. You don't get much of that, all the strong potions are dark.'

Harry followed Snape out the room and into the lounge. Does my white room mean something about me being light too?' Harry asked as Snape starting skimming through the book titles on the shelves.

'I'm not sure but I'd much rather that then you being relaxed in a black room. That can never be good.' Then as an after thought he said. 'I used to see that.' Snape then picked up a heavy looking grey book and sat down on the sofa, settling it on his knee.

Harry walked over to join him until a piece of paper came zooming out of the fireplace to hit him straight between the eyes. He shook his head lightly and the first thing he heard was Snape laughing.

Harry turned to glare at him again as Snape snatched the small white envelope from the floor and tore it open. His grin faded though as he looked at it and he glanced solemnly at Harry over the top of his book.

Harry felt like someone had just thrown a bucket of ice water over his head as he started shaking from head to toe. 'What is it?' he asked.

'Emmanuel Nott has invited us to dine with him in three days time at his manner.'

'What, do you mean a dinner party?' Harry said, still shaking.

'That's exactly what it is.'

'But-but.' Harry stuttered. 'I'm not ready yet, my Occlumency is—'

'It will have to be.' Snape interrupted him. 'If we decline he will wonder why and it will get back to the Dark Lord. There will be questions asked and I hate questions.'

'But V- um … the Dark Lord can read my mind once I'm out of this house and I can't defend—'

'How many times do I have to tell you it is not as simple as pure mind reading? We have three days to bring your Occlumency up to scratch.'

'But I can't.'

'You'll have to.' Snape said quietly. 'We have no choice.'


	9. Apologies

Chapter 9 - Apologies

They trained. Harry was learning Occlumency morning until night, only stopping for the standard meals. The meals no longer seemed funny or stupid now. He had started to have waking nightmares of dropping his food down him during the dinner, or doing something ignorant that would upset the host and in turn, Snape.

This is why Harry could be found copying Snape's movements exactly during meal times. He learnt how to eat tagliatelle properly, how to cut all the meat from chops without picking it up and how to eat an amazing assortment of foods Harry had never even heard of before and thought he would rather not know exactly what they were.

The Occlumency consisted of all the things they had learned so far, including the cruciatus curse before going to sleep, much to Harry's annoyance. He had to admit he was getting used to it, although he wouldn't admit it to Snape.

Now when Snape told Harry to block his mind he actually knew what he had to do, find that white room and store the memories in it before firmly locking the door. He was managing to do this all right but it still wasn't progressing as Snape wanted. He wanted Harry to be able to block naturally at all times and not only when he told him to block his mind.

And so it became that every so often, during meal times or when Harry was quietly reading a book that Snape would sneak up and enter his mind quickly. It was at times like these that Harry would falter. He simply could not keep the room locked up all the time, especially when he was relaxing.

So Snape took to casting the cruciatus curse on him before Harry was ever allowed to relax. Snape would also train Harry to still be aware of his surroundings while he was in this painful torture so Harry told himself that it wasn't a completely pointless thing to be doing and learnt to guard his pain very well.

And so it went, with an abundance of chocolate frogs to keep Harry aware and conscious at all times.

---------

The day before the dreaded event Harry was finally allowed to relax with a book for a while. The book happened to be about non-verbal spells but Harry let that fact slide because the book was in fact very interesting. That and the fact that at last Harry seemed to be starting to learn skills to defeat Voldemort rather then be one of his faithful bonded.

It was at this time that for the first time Harry completely blocked one of Snape's unexpected intrusions. He had managed this by thinking about the pain he was accustomed to feeling so much now while still being immersed in his book so when the intrusion came it had absolutely nowhere to go and was instantly pushed out.

Harry looked up at Snape, smiling and although Snape did not smile back or make any comment Harry could see in his eyes that Snape was proud. But instead of saying anything complementary to him he proceeded to tell Harry what else he needed to accomplish.

'You need to be able to do what you did on the first day.' He said. 'With the dementors. You can't just block and hide you need to dupe and control. You need to send false memories and let some of your less important memories through so that he does not know you are hiding others.'

Harry deflated. 'I haven't been able to do that since the first day.' He said, depression sinking into him.

'It shouldn't matter for now, you are far enough away from the Dark Lord for him not to be bothered to seek too much but you must hold your memories back anyway. Later when we have to go to a meeting you will need to be able to cover up your precious memories with others.'

Harry blew out a breath he had been holding and nodded slowly.

'Now I have to get you a set of robes for tomorrow and I have to drop in on Lucius about something, so I'll be a few hours. Try to get some rest and read more.'

Harry just shrugged at this point as Snape walked into his room. Harry felt he would do anything just to get out for a while. He didn't know why Snape wouldn't let him come and look at robes with him now that he had finally mastered his Occlumency. But then he had no particular desire to see Lucius again so he supposed it was a good thing he wasn't going.

'What size are you?' A voice asked from behind him, making him jump in shock.

Snape snickered.

----------

It was a four hours later and Harry was trying desperately to clean up the kitchen before Snape came back. He had thought Snape would be back before dinner but obviously he was expecting Harry to fend for himself for now, something Harry wasn't doing very well.

After quite a dilemma Harry had decided that eggs would not be too hard to cook and would be fairly easy to clean up. How wrong he was. He burnt the toast and he burnt the eggs. Now for the life of him he could not get the bits of burnt egg from the bottom of the saucepan, not even a simple scourigify spell would shift it.

In the end he gave up and left it to soak. If he was at Hogwarts he could have just called for the house elves ad they would have given him more food then he could ever hope to eat. He contented himself with the thought that he was probably going to go back to Hogwarts at some time.

As he sat and read the book on non-verbal spells he wondered what was taking Snape so long, Diagon Alley would have surely closed by now and Harry couldn't see Snape wanting to stare near Lucius for any longer than needed. Another problem was that Harry was getting tired and would have wanted to go to bed by now but he learnt from last time not to disobey Snape in that way again. He would simply have to stay up until Snape came back to curse him.

Harry laughed slightly at that and yawned.

----------

Harry lost track of time but it was probably a few hours later, when he was only half-awake staring at the dwindling fire that Snape finally came back in. Moving silently he hung his cloak up and was halfway towards the drinks cabinet when he caught sight of Harry staring dazedly at him from the couch.

Snape stared for a moment. 'Why aren't you in bed?' He asked gruffly.

Harry's mouth dropped open in shock and he stared back at Snape as if he was a big one-eyed monster. 'Because- because you told me not to. You said I should never go to sleep until we had gone through all that…' Harry jerked his head in the direction of the spare room. 'You know.'

Snape expression turned into a pained one, which shocked Harry even more. Then Snape fell down into the chair opposite him in a very un-Snapish manner, covering his eyes with his hand.

'I'm so sorry.' Snape said. Now Snape had done a lot of things to surprise Harry, quite a few of them in the last few minutes, but apologising to him had to be at the top of the list. Never in a million years did he ever think Snape would apologise, least of all to him.

'I have to admit I completely forgot, sometimes I stay out all night and… well, forgive me if it sometimes slips my mind that I have a son waiting for me at home, especially considering I have only known about it for a few days.'

'But what have you been doing?' Harry asked.

'None of your fucking business.' Snape snapped moodily.

Harry flinched involuntarily. 'Sorry.' He said without much meaning. 'But can we?' With that he nodded towards his room again in hope.

Snape rubbed his hands over his eyes one last time and then got up. 'Of course, come on.' He led the way into the room and Harry quickly got ready for bed.

Snape seemed impressed as Harry didn't scream at all, only mumbled and groaned periodically as Harry focused on the pain so much that he blocked out everything, just as he'd been taught to do.

'You know I really think you're ready.' Snape said. Harry smiled smugly. 'Don't get too big headed now. You have more to learn before you come face to face with the Dark Lord.'

'Yeah, I know.' Harry replied sleepily as he settled down in the bed and closed his eyes. He felt, rather than heard the door shut behind his father.

----------

The next day Harry was a nervous wreck.

He didn't eat any breakfast, couldn't concentrate on any book and found himself reading the same line over and over again. After a while he threw the book on defensive spells on the floor in frustration.

'Pick that up!' Snape roared. 'And don't ever let me see you treating my books in that way again.'

Harry obediently picked the book up and put it back on the shelf but he did it with a scowl on his face to rival Snape's.

Harry didn't know what he wanted to do. He wanted to hit something, smash something to pieces, throw things across the room, let go of his accidental magic in the worst way possible.

So maybe he did know what he wanted to do.

He couldn't do any of these things though and he knew it wasn't a good idea anyway, even without Snape cursing him to oblivion.

He sighed loudly and slumped further down on the couch, thinking vaguely of trying to sleep for a while because at least while he was unconscious he wouldn't feel like an alien was trying to break out of his stomach.

'Oh for Merlin's sake Harry.' Snape said, sitting down next to Harry. 'This isn't the end of the world. You're going to sit down and eat with some other pompous brats, go off and do what ever it is teenagers do in a big manor and then come home again. If you're concerned about this I dread to think how you'll react to a meeting with the Dark Lord.'

'Way to cheer me up.' Harry said gloomily. 'Sirius could always think of the right thing to say.' He carried on before he could stop himself. He could tell straight away that had been a bad idea. He had no idea where that had even come from.

'Oh yes, your wonderful flea-bitten mutt. He would be so proud of you right now wouldn't he? Going to a little Death Eater party with your Death Eater father. What a lovely big hug he'd give you.' He sneered at the thought.

Harry glowered. 'Why can't you leave him alone? At least now that he's dead. I mean he's dead all right. Dead. I can't believe you can keep on hating him after he's gone.'

'Oh of course I can, and I will.' Snape interrupted, something feral looking in his eyes. 'I don't see why people seem to think that once someone is dead that they were suddenly a wonderful person when they were alive. Nothing changes.'

'Maybe not but you can at least leave well enough alone.' Harry said, getting angry as well.

'You're the one who brought it up. You have no idea what he did to me. Him and Potter made my life a living hell.'

'Listen I know that he did things he shouldn't of but he was also—'

'You have no idea.' Snape screamed at him again, jumping up from the couch. 'You have no idea at all so don't pretend you know what this is all about. And I know you're thinking this is about the time in the shrieking shack but it's not. I've seen in your memories what your cousin used to do to you. How not only would he beat you up and tease you but he'd make sure that no one else was allowed to befriend you either.'

Harry was shaking slightly by now but from what he didn't know.

'You couldn't even get away from him after school could you? I've seen that … whatdoyoucallit … Harry Hunting, the not so subtle trips, the manipulation of his parents against you and all the rest. Well believe me when I say Black was ten times worse than that to me.'

With that Snape turned around and stalked quickly into his office, slamming the door behind him. This left Harry sitting on the couch still shaking uncontrollably and wishing more than anything else in the world that he could turn back time.

----------

Ten minutes later, after Harry thought Snape might have calmed down enough and he himself had calmed down, he knocked tentatively on Snape's door.

After about thirty seconds he heard a soft 'Come' from Snape and he opened the door slowly. Snape was sitting at his desk scribbling furiously on a piece of paper.

Harry stood in the doorway a moment, shuffling from foot to foot in nervousness. Then finally he coughed to try and get Snape's attention.

Snape glanced up wearily to look at Harry, his eyes were slightly puffy and Harry had the uncomfortable thought that Snape might have been crying but he quickly dismissed that thought as stupid.

'Um … sir, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories like that.' Harry said. He didn't have anything planned out and was just spurting off whatever came to mind but it seemed to work as Snape just shook his head ruefully. 'And I can also understand how you feel.

'You were right, what Dudley did to me was awful and I think if I hadn't gotten away from it when I did it might have scarred me for life. I sometimes can't believe I'm as sane as I am, you know with actual friends and … all that.' Harry stopped and sighed, not sure what he was trying to say. Snape had not said anything yet which made Harry more uncomfortable.

'When I saw what my f—I mean what James and Sirius did to you in your pensieve I felt so ashamed. Because that was the exact kind of thing Dudley would do to me. And I was so upset that it was my own father doing these things. I even thought for a moment that he had forced my mother to marry him or something.

'But I'd still like to think that if Dudley had children- God forbid- that I would give them the benefit of the doubt because they are different people. You never did that and I am nothing like James. That's probably because he's not my father but even when we thought he was—'

'Are you ever going to shut up?' Snape asked suddenly. Harry sniggered.

'I apologise.' Snape said. 'And this must be the second time today.'

'And in the whole time I've known you.' Harry added.

'Yes, well I shouldn't have put all my problems onto you and I certainly shouldn't have brought your own up, not when we have a very important evening coming up and we need this implicit trust we sometimes have.'

Harry nodded slowly.

Snape shook his head slowly. 'Sometimes I don't get you?'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Harry asked in astonishment.

Snape chuckled lightly. 'I know you think I'm very mysterious but I think the same about you. You are so closed up and you keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself so that I never know what you're thinking.'

Harry was confused. 'Isn't that good?' He asked. 'I mean isn't that what you wanted, so that I could occlude my mind?'

'No, that's the reason why you couldn't occlude, because you never had the chance to let your feelings out, so they were always there inside your mind for every Tom Dick and Harry to see.'

'Who's Dick?' Harry asked with a grin.

Snape smiled slightly. 'I need to know that you trust me Harry. It's more important then you realise. But I can never see if you do, it's like you're keeping something from me, something that keeps you from trusting me.'

Harry shook his head.

Snape got up to stand next to Harry. 'I know you don't care about what James did anymore. You can distance yourself from it now that you know he's not your father. It's about Lily isn't it?' He started leading Harry out into the lounge. Harry nodded slowly.

They both sat down on the couch. 'I'm sorry.' Harry said although he wasn't sure why he was apologising. 'I just can't get over the fact that you raped her. That I was conceived through an act of rape, anger and revenge. When you have a baby it's for love, because you want to have a child. Not because you want to give it to an evil master and get back at your school rival at the same time. My mum probably didn't even know who…' Harry had to stop there because he was uncertain he could hold back the tears he knew were there if he carried on.

'I understand that Harry but unfortunately I have no excuse and everything you said is true. You will just have to learn to accept it and move on because there is nothing else you can do. As you know I was a loyal death eater then. I didn't care that what I was doing was wrong. It was rape, it was an act of hatred and revenge but I have done worse things as a death eater. I haven't forgiven myself for any of them.

'I can't turn back time and change it but that would have made things worse then they are anyway because you would never have defeated him when you were a baby. I feel bad about it now but it won't change anything.' Snape looked at Harry sternly. 'It's up to you to get over it, leave it buried in the past like you were saying I should do with Black.'

Harry nodded. 'Maybe we should both take that advise.'

'It's easier said than done, isn't it?'

Harry nodded again.

'Come on, you should try on your new robe. You have to look the part.'

It was actually quite nice and looked very expensive. It was made of silk, black with a glittering green trim around the hem and the sleeves. It was simple but elegant and when Harry put it on he marvelled at how it felt, the smoothness and silkiness of it against his skin.

He stood in front of the full-length mirror Snape had erected for him and looked at himself from all angles. He had to agree with Mrs Weasley that this type of green did match his eyes.

Snape stepped up behind him and also looked appraisingly, checking Harry out from different angles. He started pulling the robes down to straighten out the creases and Harry sniggered slightly.

'Now who's acting all fatherly?' He said.

Snape growled softly but didn't desist. 'This is one of those rare times when it is needed. We can't have you going looking like some miscreant I pulled off the streets.'

'Thanks!' Harry said sarcastically.

'My pleasure.' Harry could hear the smirk in Snape's voice. He started trying to flatten Harry's hair.

'You're fighting a losing battle, you know that.' Harry said, trying not to laugh.

'Oh yeah, we'll see about that.' And with that Snape stalked off into the bathroom. When he came back he was holding a small jar in his hand.

Harry looked at it wearily but when Snape opened it up and slicked some of the substance onto his hair he realised it was some kind of gel.

'Great, I'm going to look just like Draco Malfoy now.' He sneered.

'No you don't. But you at least look more human now and not so much like your fake father. I should do something about the glasses too but I doubt you'll need them after the glamour is lifted anyway.'

'Hmm.' Harry didn't know what else to say. The butterflies had come back.

Snape also gave Harry a pair of shiny black shoes that fit him perfectly. He eyed Harry critically again. 'That will have to do. Let's play a game of chess to calm you down. We have a few hours yet.

Harry just couldn't concentrate on the board so half way through the game and with only twenty minutes to spare Snape started drilling him with questions on do's and don'ts instead, which didn't help calm him down. In the end Snape just settled for telling Harry to copy what the other children his age were doing and he should be fine.

'And call me Severus.' He added.

'Severus.' Harry rolled the name around his tongue again. He still couldn't get used to it.

'And don't talk to the adults unless you're specifically asked a question.'

'Yes, you told me that before.'

'That includes me apart from to ask for my permission for something. For example to leave the table you will need to have mine and Notts permission.' Harry nodded. 'You may talk to the other children but please remember discretion and block your mind at all times and don't start preaching any of your hero shit or your holier than thou rubbish and **don't** mention the Dark Lords name, in fact it's better if you don't mention him at all and don't talk about the bond an—'

'Shut the fuck up!'

Snape stopped and smirked at Harry as he got up. Harry followed suit, feeling like he was about to throw up at any moment.

'You may say that to them if you like.'


	10. Truth

Chapter 10 - Truth 

As Harry stepped out of the house for the first time in nearly a week he shoved his thoughts into his white room and made sure to turn the key. He found Snape watching him as if he would explode as soon as he stepped outside. If this was any other situation Harry would have laughed but at the moment he didn't think he could even if someone but a wanded gun to his head and told him to. They had to walk a fair way from the house to be able to apparate because of the wards Snape himself had set.

Harry was shivering uncontrollably by the time they were almost out of Spinners End. It was then that Snape finally pulled Harry towards him again and apparated them both away in a matter of seconds. Harry landed on his feet and then promptly fell over, his stomach revolting as if it wanted to throw up. At least he hadn't left his stomach behind.

When he finally sat up and looked around he found that they were standing in front of a tall iron gate. Beyond it was a large expanse of lawn with hedges cut in the shapes of different animals. _Show-offs_. Harry thought. About half a mile beyond that was the manor, glinting in the afternoon sunlight. It was obviously not as impressive as the first sight of Hogwarts but Harry still found himself gazing at it in awe. It was enormous, with turrets and towers spiralling up from its depths.

'Come.' Snape said with a hand on his back, pushing him gently into the courtyard.

During the walk up to the manor Harry could only stare around him in wonder. Although his first impression was that it was a bit showy he still couldn't deny the fact that it was beautiful. They walked past a large pond with different types of fountains rising up from it at different times. It reminded Harry of a place Hermione had mentioned that was in Las Vegas. He vaguely wondered why Snape lived in such a run-down little house and not a manor like this but then he remembered that Snape was not a pure-blood like most of the other death eaters were.

When they reached the big double-doors Snape rapped on it twice and then stepped back slightly, Harry made sure to stand next to him, his heart thumping so fast that he kept on feeling he would choke on it.

The door was opened by a surprisingly well-dressed house elf, which Harry should have realised but he had still imagined that it would be opened by Nott himself.

'Good evening Sirs.' The House Elf said. 'I am Shikra I will show you to the dining room. Follow me.'

With that the elf started walking off with Harry and Snape following on his heels. Again Harry was slightly awed at all the rooms, staircases and pictures they walked past. He was staring wide-eyed up at the ceiling at the most magnificent chandelier he had ever seen, not that he had seen that many, when he walked right into the back of Shikra

The elf didn't even bat an eye, only opened the set of double doors they were standing in front of into a magnificent dining hall.

'Mr Severus Snape and Master Harry Snape.' He called out to those already assembled in the hall.

Harry couldn't help but shudder at the name he was given and vaguely wondered how the House Elf knew his name. He walked into the hall with Snape, his legs trembling so much he could hardly walk straight.

The room was a little smaller then the Great Hall in Hogwarts. It was well lit with more chandeliers and with lots of paintings on the wall. There was a long banqueting table spanning the length of the hall and a small stage at one end. At the other end there was a rather elaborate drinks cabinet and a table with almost any drink Harry could think of on it.

Snape pushed Harry slightly in the back to move him along into the room and Harry managed to stumble first, almost tripping over his own feet before righting himself.

He looked around at the people, trying not to look anyone in the eye. There was about thirty people in all, most of them around Snape's age but there were a fair few his own age and younger. There were three toddlers playing together in the corner, closely watched by their mothers who were talking near them.

Before Harry could check if there was anyone he knew a young woman with long dark hair came over and hugged Snape, actually hugged him! He didn't seem to mind though and Harry found out that this woman was actually Mrs Nott. It was then that she noticed Harry.

'Ah, you must be Mr Potter … although you're not a Potter now are you.' She laughed, a soft tittery laughed and Harry decided he didn't like her very much.

'Just call me Harry.' He decided this was the easiest thing to say and avoided other questions. Mrs Nott was about to say something else but fortunately she was interrupted when some more people came over and started shaking hands with Snape. A few of them also said hello to Harry but most of them just stared at him strangely as if they were not sure what he was.

'Avery.' Snape greeted a ratty looking man who tried to make himself look more presentable in a cream coloured robe. He looked fairly old and his face was mostly covered with a scruffy looking beard and moustache.

'The last time I saw you was when you were hanging in the air by your arms.' Avery said to Harry. 'I'm glad to see you've made a bit more of an effort this time.'

_You can talk. _Harry thought resentfully. Instead he smiled as genuinely as he could manage. 'I'm sorry. I sometimes get a bit grouchy when I get dragged out of my bed in the middle of the night. I'll try to look a bit more presentable next time that happens.'

Avery actually laughed at this. 'You can tell he's your son.' He said, turning back to Snape.

As the two carried on talking Harry managed to quietly shuffle away from them and ended up with his back against the drinks cabinet. He turned round to look at all the drinks and found a bottle of wine he recognised from one of his dinners with Snape. He quickly looked round at the others in the room and found that most of them already had drinks in hand. Shrugging to himself he turned back to the drinks and helped himself to a large glass of the wine. At least that would give him something to do with his hands.

As he drunk, which was faster than normal, he discreetly glanced round at everyone present, trying to find people he knew. He found Crabbe and Goyle junior and senior, but then they were never very hard to find. The two boys were busy poking and teasing a little boy who looked to be about six or seven.

He also caught sight of the young Theodore Nott who, like his father was walking around with his head held high, as if he owned the place. Harry had to hold back his amusement as he started shaking hands with all the adults he met, trying to look and act older than he was.

There were others he recognised from school, although he could not say their names. Some of them were in the younger years of Slytherin and others like Marcus Flint and Adrian Pucey had already left. But he also recognised a few Ravenclaws and even a young Hufflepuff. But when he cast his mind back he was sure this was the girl that everyone assumed would go into Slytherin and were shocked when she hadn't.

Harry tried to keep himself unnoticed but there were a few people giving him odd glances and looking for his scar, which Harry had made sure to hide beneath his hair. Some, it seemed, were even trying to seek him out. Obviously some people already knew that the famous Harry Potter/Snape was going to be here.

Dinner couldn't come soon enough and after a few minutes a soft bell chimed, which Harry found was the cue to sit down to dinner. He wasn't sure where he was supposed to sit, he had glanced at the table briefly to verify that there were no nametags to tell you where to sit.

After hopping about from one foot to the other in nervousness he decided that the best thing would be to just hang back a little and wait until everyone else had taken a seat, then there would only be one left for him. Mentally patting himself on the back for such a good idea was interrupted by Snape as he took Harry's hand and led him to a seat on the left side of the table.

'Sit.' He said. Harry sat with a shrug. This was good too.

He realised that he was sitting with the others of his age. He could see Crabbe and Goyle sitting together near the end of the table, sniggering at the wine glasses in front of them. Harry couldn't see what was so funny. He finished the rest of his wine and set his own glass down. Theodore Nott was sitting a few seats down on the opposite end of the table, Harry was glad he wasn't that near.

The boy sitting next to him he recognised as a Slytherin who was in the year above him, he would have finished Hogwarts now. He was having a conversation with the boy he was facing about quidditch brooms.

'Father says he'll get me a new one for Christmas though, like a Firebolt XP or the new Xracer.'

'The new Xracers are good, aren't they?' The other boy was saying. 'They went downhill in the 70's, no aerodynamic control, and then the whole company sort of crashed, didn't it? But now this new guy's taken over- what's his name?'

'Hayver Haversham.' Harry said, remembering reading about it in Which Broom 1998-2000.

'Both boys turned to stare at him as if he had suddenly sprouted two heads.

'What?' One of them asked in astonishment.

'His name was Hayver Haversham.' Harry replied. 'He came in from America, won loads of money on the Crups and decided he'd buy out the Xracers because he remembered having one when he was little.'

The two boys were still staring at him open-mouthed.

Harry shrugged and turned back to the table. _At least he'd tried_, he thought as he rested his elbows on the table and then quickly took them off again, remembering his manners. He still kept listening to their conversation as he had to admit it was interesting.

'I tried the Wronski Feint at home a few times but every time I did I crashed into the ground.' The boy with dark hair and a pointy noise was saying.

The other boy Harry recognised laughed.

'It was the broom, okay.' The first boy said defensively. 'It was one of the old Comets and it could never pull up or turn around quick enough.'

'I had one of them but it kept on veering off to the left like some of the school brooms do. I couldn't believe Father let me have such a shit broom but then he bought me a Nimbus when I started Hogwarts so I couldn't complain.'

'Yeah, my father finally got me a new broom when I broke my nose for the third time. I remember hexing one of the Hufflepuff brooms while they were playing against the Slytherins so that it would always veer off to the right. It was so funny to watch him 'cause he had no clue why it was happening and was checking his broom all over as if it had a weight on it or something.'

'Cool, where did you get that jinx from?'

'Warrington told me but I don't know where he got it from.'

At this point Harry felt he had to intervene again. 'He must have got it from _The top 100 cheats used in professional Quidditch and how to use them effectively._ That's number 69.'

Again both boys looked at him with their mouths open but instead of ignoring him this time the dark haired boy replied.

'You've got that book?' He asked in astonishment.

'Well I used to.' Harry said bitterly. 'I don't know where it is now. Sn- uh, Severus collected my things from my relatives but I never got the book back.'

'Have you asked him?' The boy said.

'Well no, it's illegal so he probably confiscated it.'

'Severus wouldn't do that.' The other boy said, he had lighter sandy coloured hair and a much fuller face. Harry was surprised he used Snape's first name.

'But maybe Severus didn't want you using the book with Gryffindor.' The dark haired one replied.

'Well if I go back I won't be in Gryffindor anymore.' Harry replied.

'Then ask him.' They both said.

Harry had to laugh.

'I'm Martin Moon by the way.' The dark haired boy said.

'And I'm Steven Lacy but I've left Hogwarts now.' The other said, holding out his hand. Harry shook it in a bit of shock at the sudden turn of events.

'So what other cheats are there?' Martin asked eagerly.

Harry smiled. 'Well my favourite is the Illusion charm. It makes an illusion of the snitch appear. I suppose I only like it because I'm a seeker and it distracts the other seeker, sending them off on a wild goose chase.'

'Wow.' Steven said.

'Unfortunately it only lasts for up to two minutes depending on the strength of the spell so you have to do it at the right time. Like when you spot the real snitch and so on.' Harry continued.

'What else is there?' Steven asked.

Harry couldn't help grinning like an idiot at this point. He didn't know why he wanted sons of Death Eaters to like him but he did, and that was all that mattered at that moment.

'Well there's a spell that makes a bludger go after the same person over and over again.' He replied. 'Like what happened to me in second year.'

'Yeah, I remember that.' Martin said. 'So who cast it on you?'

'Uh, I never found out.' Harry said quickly. For some reason he really didn't want to say that it was a House Elf, it just seemed too embarrassing. He had wandered when he'd read about the hex if Dobby had also found the book.

'And another one I really like is the colour-blind charm.' He continued. 'It makes the person it is cast on see the opposite colours on all the other players robes, which I think is cool because everyone's usually zooming around so fast you can never see peoples faces so you rely on the colours players are wearing to tell whether they're on your team or not.'

'So that person will be passing the quaffle to the opposite team.' Martin said in wonder. 'Or even better, hitting the bludger towards their own team mates.'

All three of them laughed, earning a few looks from the elder people at the table. As Harry caught Snape's eye he was sure the man was trying to hide a smile.

'I'm sure if you just ask Severus he would give it to you.' Martin said. 'He is your father after all.'

Harry sighed. 'I had thought about it but I figured that if he had wanted me to have it he would have given it to me. Also I didn't know him that well at the beginning anyway, he can be quite scary.'

The other two boys started sniggering again.

Just then there was a soft clap and food appeared on the table.

'Cool.' Steven said ogling the different starters in excitement.

There were lots of different platters all along the table and Harry himself couldn't help his mouth watering. There were asparagus sticks, salad items and dips, breaded mushrooms, stuffed mushrooms, stuffed peppers, onion rings, corn on the cob, chicken wings, ciabatta bread and different kinds of soup. That was just on the part of the table he could see!

Harry had to physically restrain himself from taking anything before Mr Nott did, he was sitting in the middle of the table. After he had filled his plate and put the first bit of food into his mouth there was suddenly a mad rush for the food and Harry found it quite funny as a lot of the social etiquette went out of the window for the youngsters for a few minutes until everyone had filled their plates.

Harry also made sure he had a bit of everything.

'Oh go on, ask him.' Steven said, his mouth full. 'I'm sure he'll let you have it now, especially if you're showing it to Slytherins.'

Harry sighed. 'I'll ask him later.' He said.

'Ask him now.' Steven replied. 'He won't care.'

'What here? Now?' Harry scoffed. 'No way. He'll bite my head off and I don't want any more attention on me.'

'Oi! Severus.' Martin hollered across the room. Harry paled and started choking on an onion ring.

Snape looked around, an annoyed expression on his face. 'What?' He asked in irritation.

Harry slid down further in his chair in an attempt to make himself invisible but it was all for nothing after Martin's next comment.

'Harry's got something to ask you.'

Harry groaned low in his throat as all eyes turned to him. Snape raised an elegant eyebrow. 'Oh.' He said in a fake polite voice.

'It's nothing.' Harry whispered. Steven kicked him in the shin. 'Ow.'

'For Merlin's sake spit it out now. You've turned enough attention to yourself.' Snape said.

Harry nervously cleared his throat. 'Well, um … I was just wondering if maybe…' Harry licked his dry lips. 'When you collected my stuff from … my relatives, did you happen to find a … um … book?'

'I happened to find quite a few books.' Snape replied evenly. 'The potions book looked so new one wouldn't thought it had been opened at all. But then that fits in with the standard of work I've seen these last few years.

A lot of the elder people laughed at Snape's joke.

'Yes, um, you gave me back my schoolbooks.' Harry replied, now red with embarrassment. 'This one wasn't a school book, it …'

'You don't happen to be talking about a certain book that is banned in 52 different countries, do you?' He asked in a sugary sweet voice. Some of his companions laughed. Others stared at Harry in wonder.

'Well I didn't realise it was quite that many.' Harry replied. 'Is one of them England by any chance?'

'Yes.' Snape replied.

'Oh.' Harry gave a fake laugh. 'Well there's a surprise. No one bothered to tell me that.'

A few people laughed and Harry actually started to enjoy himself.

Snape smirked at him. 'I'm sure. So why do you want it?'

'We want to look at it, Sir.' Steven said quickly. 'He was going to show it to us Slytherins, you know.'

'Really? Well in that case I may be able to find it somewhere in my bookshelves. Given the right motivation.' Snape shook his head in amusement and went back to his dinner. This was the sign for everyone else to start asking the million-dollar question.

'What book?'

----------

'Severus? If it pleases Mr Nott may I leave the table?' Harry asked politely, following the lead the other children had taken.

Snape glanced at Mr Nott who nodded his head slightly in acquiescence. 'Yes, you may. But be back here when Shikra calls you.'

'Yes Sir.' Harry said in a relieved tone and followed the other children out of the hall. As he was exiting through the big double doors someone tripped him from behind and he only managed to stay on his feet by grabbing onto the edge of the door as he fell.

'Oh I'm so terribly sorry.' Theodore Nott said as he walked past him. 'Didn't see you there, you're so small.' And then he was gone out in front.

Now it could have been purely accidental, but Harry seriously doubted it.

'You all right?' Steven asked, coming up behind him.

'Yeah, I can deal with arseholes like that.' The two boys laughed and followed the others up two flights of stairs to a large room at the back of the house that was filled with armchairs, beanbags and cushions. It was done predictably in green and silver but was rather cosy and chilled.

Harry followed Steven and Martin to a comfy looking couch in the corner. The two of them almost fell into it and Harry followed suit but he had only just got himself comfortable when he felt a strange tickling, wet sensation in his ear.

He shot out of his seat so first he almost tripped over his own feet. When he had got his breath back he realised there was a girl about his age sitting where he was only a moment ago. She was quite pretty but Harry couldn't tell how much because her face was plastered with make up. She had long dark hair and had on the most enormous earrings he had ever seen.

She sat there looking up at him with these big doe eyes. 'Didn't you like it?' she asked in a childish voice.

Harry could hear both Martin and Steven laughing in the background but ignored it in favour of watching this strange girl. 'Who are you?' He asked.

'Lily-Ann Banks.' She replied. 'I've heard so much about you.' She gushed. 'I just had to come over and say hello.'

'By tonguing my ear?' Harry asked, still staring at her in disbelief.

She shrugged. 'Didn't you like it?' She asked again.

'Well I…well I mean…it was different.'

Lily-Ann laughed again. 'No one's ever done that to you before, have they?'

'Well I can't say that they have.'

'But you liked it didn't you?'

Fortunately Harry was saved from answering by Lily-Ann's friend who called her over to look at what seemed to be some kind of crystal ball. 'Lily-Ann went skipping by without even a backwards glance at Harry.

Harry blew out a long breath in relief and turned to get Steven and Martin's reaction to the display but they were busy talking about racing brooms and not the least bit interested any more in what had just passed.

My Granddad gave me his old broom a few years ago.' Steven was saying. 'You know those … silver bullets?'

'Silver Arrows.' Both Harry and Martin said together.

'Yes, those. When they came out it caused a right stir, my Granddad says. It was the fastest broom ever brought out- 70 miles an hour with a tail wind.'

'But the Firebolt can go to 150 miles in less then ten seconds.' Martin said.

'I know that but at the time the Silver Arrow looked pretty amazing. They didn't have the spells we know nowadays that helps with the tail twigs and control.'

'Can you lot talk about anything else but Quidditch?' Lilly-Anne called, now from the other side of the room.

'No.' All three of them said together.

Martin got out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket, he gave one to Steven and took one himself before offering one to Harry as well.

_Dragonsbreath._ They were called. Harry didn't even realise there were Wizards cigarettes. He shook his head slightly at the offer and Martin just shrugged as he lit his own with his wand.

'I think Lily-Anne likes you.' He said after he had taken a long drag. The smoke that came out was a dark green colour and smelt worse than normal cigarettes did.

'No she doesn't.' Harry said, going slightly red.

The other two laughed again. 'Believe me, massaging someone's ear with her tongue is not her usual greeting.' Steven replied.

Fortunately Harry managed to steer the conversation away onto what they wanted to do when they finished Hogwarts. Steven was already working at the ministry in the Magical Creatures department. He knew Charlie Weasley quite well and even seemed to like him, to Harry's great amazement. He also knew Macnair very well who worked for The Disposal of Dangerous Creatures department. Steven seemed to like him as well, to Harry's great disappointment.

'Well for a long time I have wanted to be an auror.' Harry said.

'Really?' Martin said in awe. 'You need top marks for that. It's so hard to get into and the training is supposed to be a form of torture.'

'I know and I'm no stranger to torture, believe me. But I don't know if I want to do it anymore. I don't think I want to work for the ministry at all.'

'Yeah, becoming an auror is like signing your own death warrant.' Steven said, lighting another cigarette. 'It's suicide, what it is.'

_Says the boy who's feeding himself a form of cancer. _Harry thought.

'Well it's not like I've got a long life expectancy or anything.' Harry replied. 'I don't suppose I'll live to see the end of this war.' Harry suddenly shut his eyes in horror. He was not supposed to talk about this.

_Shit, shit, shit._ Was all that was running through his brain. _Please, please don't ask me about the war, which side I'm on, Voldemort…'_

'Yeah but not anymore.' Steven said with a sly smile. 'You're on our side now.'

SHIT! 

'Yeah but that doesn't really matter.' Harry said, thinking quickly. 'Whichever side I'm on I'm fucked because the other side will want me dead. If Dumbledore was still alive I bet he'd have killed me if he found out what I was. He'd rather that than let me fight against him. I'm supposedly too powerful.'

This was very dangerous water and all Harry seemed to be doing is sinking deeper.

'Don't blow your own trumpet or anything, will you?' Steven said with a chuckle.

Harry smiled wanly.

'Oi! You three.' Nott called across the room. 'Are you gonna stay in your private little group or are you going to come and join in our game?'

'What are you playing?' Martin asked.

'Oh just a little game young Harry might have heard of. Truth.'

The word _shit_ started floating through his brain again.

'Sure.' Steven replied as the two of them practically dragged Harry towards the group in the middle and joined the circle.

A glass was pushed towards him and someone filled it up with Firewhiskey. Harry knew that this was one of those times Snape was talking about. _He could not get drunk._ He had to be able to lie all of the way through this.

'Okay.' Nott said, almost cackling. 'Let's all have a drink to say we are all part of this game.' Everyone raised their glasses and drank, Harry followed suit.

'Oh, and did I tell you Harry.' Nott said, rolling the name around his tongue. He seemed to use Harry's first name in a mocking way, as if he was acting friendly but obviously being the complete opposite. 'Once you've drunk to say you will play it is binding.' His mouth curled up into a nasty smile. 'And it means you have no choice but to tell the truth. That is the slight difference of the wizarding version.'

_Shit _seemed a little bit of an understatement now. Harry had frozen solid, not knowing what to do or how he would get out of this room alive.

'Now I'm going to start.' Nott said. 'And I will choose … hmm…' his eyes starting roving round the circle and predictably landed on him. 'Harry.' He said softly.

'Um, actually I don't want to play. I really, um…need the toilet.'

Quite a few people laughed at that.

'No go _Harry. _You will find that you have to answer my question. So … how many people have you fucked?'

The relief that Harry felt showed just how bad he thought things could have been. He certainly did not want to answer this question but it was better than being asked about sides or Dark Lords.

'None.' He said, the rules of the game making him speak without his wanting.

Quite a few people laughed. Nott was the loudest. 'Aw, poor little Harry never got it on with anyone.'

'Aw, poor little Theo never got it on with anyone his dad hasn't paid for.' Harry replied in the same babyish voice Nott had used.

Everyone laughed this time. Lily-Anne and her friend were actually rolling around on the floor in hysterics. Nott's face had turned a bright shade of red and he looked angrier than Harry had ever seen him. And all Harry could do was laugh even louder.

It looked like Nott was about to jump him when Lily-Anne quickly intervened. 'Your turn now Harry.' She said excitedly, sticking her tongue out suggestively.

Harry grinned back at her and felt a burst of self-confidence and Gryffindor daring.

'Okay. Lily-Anne.' He said. 'Who in this room do you think is the most shaggable?' _Two can play at this game. _Harry thought to himself.

Lily-Anne laughed. 'You darling, of course.' Harry's heart swelled. 'With those pretty green eyes, pinchable arse and that virgin cock of yours, who could ask for more?'

At this Harry went so red his cheeks felt like they were on fire. Yet again he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him but he had to admit he had asked for that one.

A few people laughed at his embarrassment. Nott didn't, he looked like he had just eaten a lemon.

The Gryffindor daring came back. Harry winked at him.

----------

It was about an hour later that the group made their way back into the main hall. Harry was trying his hardest to avoid both Nott and Lily-Ann Banks. She had spent the rest of the evening simpering at him and giggling in his ear as well as making very suggestive movements towards him.

Unfortunately for Harry he realised that he found her very annoying and just could not seem to get rid of her. He had to ask himself if it was worth all this trouble just to get back at Nott. Then he decided that it probably was.

Half way through the game Lily-Ann had suggested adding Dare to the game which everyone agreed with. She then waited through the next half hour before it came round to her, just so that she could dare Harry to do something, probably something sexual and to do with her.

But when Harry had realised that all people had bee asking others were sexual things he believed it would actually be safer for him to stick with truth. That was until she asked him if he wanted to fuck her. The hole just kept on getting deeper and finally Harry said that he wouldn't mind it but not right at this moment. Fortunately all this got was another round of laughter and Harry could breath again.

The party was starting to wind down as the group of teenagers entered the hall. There were a few couples on the dance floor who looked as if they were doing everything except actual intercourse. Snape was talking with Avery and a few others that Harry recognised at the other end of the hall. He had a drink in one hand and Harry was surprised to see that he was smoking a cigar.

He was feeling very tired all of a sudden and dropped down onto one of the couches near the door. Steven came over with another glass of firewhiskey and although Harry accepted the glass he made the decision not to drink it as he believed the sudden tiredness he felt had something to do with the amount of alcohol he had already consumed.

'Do you want one?' Steven offered a cigarette to Harry again as he got one out himself. Harry was about to refuse when he saw Snape was watching him out of the corner of his eye.

'Yeah, okay.' He said, accepting it. He didn't know why he felt the need to have something he had despised ever since he realised Dudley had them, just because Snape was watching. He thought that it might just had been that he had wanted to shock him for once.

He let Steven light the cigarette with his wand, careful not to breath in the smoke and start coughing. He couldn't help wrinkle his nose up at the smell but he at least managed not to choke on it. Unfortunately it all seemed to be in vane as Snape didn't seem to care less and only took a large puff of his cigar, blowing out a couple of perfect smoke rings. Harry made sure to take a few more pretend puffs before discreetly stabbing it out on the floor and pushing it under the chair. _Never again._

---------

It was past four in the morning when Harry and Snape made their final goodbyes, Harry making sure to kiss Lily-Ann goodbye right under the younger Notts nose. He smirked to himself when he saw Snape kiss Mrs Nott a little more passionately than was proper, just because the elder Nott was standing next to her.

_It seems we do have more in common than I first thought._ Harry wanted to sick up at that last thought.

There weren't that many people left by this time and Shikra led them back out of the manor towards the apparition point. He left them with a curt bow and then disappeared with a pop.

Harry sighed with relief. 'Well that wasn't too ba—'

He was cut off from finishing the sentence as Snape grabbed him and quickly apparated them back to the beginning of Spinners End whereupon Harry threw up his chocolate mouse.

Snape laughed, Harry glared and they started walking towards the house a few feet apart from each other.

'I suggest you go straight to sleep once we get in. I feel you have had a little more to drink than you should have had.' Snape said as they reached the door.

Harry yawned in agreement and stumbled into the lounge. 'I need a shower first.' He said on his way to his room

'Fine but be quick.' Snape swung his cloak off and hung it up on a hook behind the door. 'And I would like your robe back before…'

Snape never got to finish his sentence as just at that moment a body promptly fell out of the fireplace.

----------

A/N: I'm so sorry about the wait. Not only was I finding this chapter very hard to write but I was also suffering from a disease called Laziness, but I'm all better now.

_One other thing, can someone tell me why when I put an A/N at the top of the page it comes up on the same line as the chapter title even though it is on the line above it in Word?_


	11. More Than Potter

Chapter 11 – More Than Harry 

As both Harry and Snape watched in astonishment the body slowly and gingerly pushed itself up into a sitting position and then unsteadily got to its feet whereupon it proceeded to haughtily brush soot off its torn clothes.

'Hello Draco.' Snape drawled, leaning against the door.

Draco Malfoy smiled as genuinely as he could through his bruised and battered lips.

'Hey Sev.' Draco replied hoarsely. 'Thought I'd drop in and see you.'

'Oh, isn't that sweet of you.' Snape said, sarcasm literally dripping off him. 'You could have made more of an effort with your appearance though.'

Draco was now standing more steadily and managed a bit more of a genuine smile. 'Oh, you know. I was just so excited to see you.'

'Of course you were.' Snape replied. 'Sit down before you fall down.' Snape turned away to go into his storeroom, leaving Draco to collapse gratefully into a chair.

Harry wasn't sure but it seemed that Draco hadn't even seen him yet and was now staring off into the distance. However when Snape walked back into the room holding three different bottles and some healing balm Harry knew quite well by now, Draco glanced in his direction and smirked.

'Hello Potter.' He said. 'Or should I say Snape?'

Harry just glared at him.

'Now, now Draco. Play nice.'

'Yeah, yeah.' Malfoy waved his hand carelessly. 'Are you gonna give me some of that?' He said, nodding towards one of the potions. 'Or do you enjoy making me suffer.'

Snape handed all three bottles to Draco but he only took the purple one and downed it quickly, sighing in relief and melting back into the chair.

'You need to take them all Draco, you know that.' Snape said.

'Yeah I know. Can I just have a bit of firewhiskey to wash the green one down with? You know how disgusting it is.'

'Yes I do, I did brew it. And of course you can have some pumpkin juice to wash it down with. Or would you prefer water?'

'No, firewhiskey would be fine.'

'Alright, Pumpkin juice it is.'

'Sorry I think you misheard me, I said firewhiskey.'

'Yes Draco, I heard you perfectly well. You don't need to repeat the words 'pumpkin juice' three times for me to hear you.'

At this point Harry had held I his laughter for too long and to the shock of the other two present was rolling around on the couch in hysterics.

---------

Finally Draco had swallowed the other two potions with the help of some pumpkin juice and Snape had healed the rest of his cuts and bruises with the balm. Afterwards Snape had transfigured the couch into a bed for Draco and had then had to drag him out of his room three times, as Draco had decided he was going to sleep in Snape's bed instead as it was bigger and more comfortable than the transfigured one.

Eventually of course, Snape won and all three settled down to sleep. Harry was still having his nightly occlumency lessons but they were hardly needed anymore.

The next morning Harry woke up late. He wandered into the living room expecting to find breakfast ready only to find both Snape and Draco sitting comfortably on the couch absorbed in a book each. Draco looked surprisingly well considering the state he was in when he flooed into the house last night.

'I'm afraid you've missed breakfast.' Snape said, without looking up from his book.

'Some party last night, eh?' Draco smirked up at Harry.

'Not that you would know, seeing as you weren't invited.' Harry replied before he could stop himself. Taking great satisfaction in wiping the smirk off the other boys face.

'Harry!' Snape admonished firmly, but Harry could tell his heart wasn't really in it. 'I need to go start on a potion but I'll be back for lunch but I like to think you two can hold off from killing each other until then.'

'Do you want any help?' Draco asked innocently.

Snape smiled. 'No thank you Draco. What I would like is for you two to find some common ground, you are on the same side now.'

Harry made a face at the same time Draco snorted.

'Good. I'm glad to see you're both going to be making an effort.' At that Snape left.

Draco went straight back to his book as if Harry wasn't there, leaving him sitting on the other couch picking bits of fluff from his trousers. 'I don't think reading a book is going to help us find some common ground.' Harry said finally, out of boredom more than anything else.

'Okay, you want to talk? What do you think of the composition of the extended polyjuice potion when substituting lacefly wings for lacewing flies?'

Harry stared at Draco for a couple of minutes. 'I didn't know there were any lacefly wings.'

'Yeah, that's because there aren't any. Laceflies don't have wings but the name makes people think they do.'

'Oh.' Harry said. 'Well I didn't know there was such a thing as a lacefly either.'

Draco laughed. 'I knew you couldn't be that clever. Lucky guess then I suppose.'

Harry shrugged.

'So are you going to tell me how your first dinner party was?' Draco asked with a slight mocking sound to his voice.

'Oh yeah it was just lovely. I met the Mad Hatter and the March Hare.'

'You … what?' Draco asked, puzzled.

'Forget it.' Harry said, waving his hand in dismissal.

'What did you do?'

Harry just shrugged.

'Did you meet anyone interesting?' Draco asked wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

'What's that supposed to mean?' Harry asked.

'It means have you fucked anyone yet?'

'No.' Harry said in surprise. 'Why is sex the first thing anyone thinks about?'

'Because we're teenagers. That's what we do. Was there no one interested in the golden boy?'

'Well, someone did try to stick their tongue in my ear.'

'Who? Was that Goyle?'

Harry choked on air for a full minute before getting himself under control. 'No, eww. That's disgusting.'

Draco laughed. 'So who was it?'

'Someone called Lily-Anne.' Harry replied.

'Lilly-Anne Banks? That slut. She'd open her legs for anyone. But she's quite good looking if you like the thin fake type.'

'I don't and she's really annoying.' Harry replied.

'Of course she is.' Draco said. 'But that's the great thing about sex, you don't have to talk to her while you're doing it and afterwards she'll leave you alone 'cause she'll have got what she wanted.'

'Hmph, that's not my idea of sex.'

'Oh you want to "make love" or something stupid like that?'

'No, I just think that it should be with someone … why the hell am I telling you all this?' Harry suddenly realised he was talking to Draco Malfoy about some very personal things.

'Well I'm the only one here for you to talk to, unless you'd like to talk to your daddy about it. I mean he **would **know.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Harry said angrily. He didn't even know why he was angry, it couldn't be on Snape's behalf.

'Yes Draco, what exactly **is** that supposed to mean?' A voice asked from behind Harry.

Draco swallowed nervously. 'Nothing … I mean … well, you shouldn't be listening in on private conversations.'

'Not even when you're talking about my sexual experience or about me giving my son sexual education?' Snape replied.

'Well God, he needs it. He still thinks of "making love" and all that shit. Like he is going to meet the perfect girl, fall in love and not have sex until their wedding day.'

'I do not think that!' Harry said in outrage.

'Perfect man then, eh?' Draco replied but before he could say more Severus called them over for dinner.

Harry felt that was quite a posh affair, probably for Draco's benefit. Harry took his cue from the other two in how to eat the different dishes, of which a salad was the only one he knew the name of.

Where did the pig that stuffs his face in the great hall go to?' Draco said sweetly, looking up at Harry.

Harry just held his head high and sniffed haughtily. 'I'm an aristocrat now.' He said in the poshest voice he could muster.

Draco laughed at that. 'You will never be that.' He said, putting on an even posher voice. 'My mother wouldn't even let you sit down at her table.'

'How rude.' Harry commented, still in his fake posh voice.

'How is your mother these days Draco?' Snape asked politely.

Draco smirked. 'Well, you should know, probably better than I do.'

Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. 'Watch yourself there Draco or you may find I have a bit of your father in me.'

Draco swallowed nervously but went back to his meal.

Harry looked back and forth from one to the other in confusion but then decided it was not worth the risk of asking what that was all about.

After the two of them had helped Snape clear up they settled back into the lounge while Snape went back to his potion.

'The two looked at one another uncomfortably, having run out of things to say. Then Harry decided to break the silence.

'Want a game of chess?' He asked quickly, looking everywhere but at Draco.

_Another thing to add to my letter to Ron and Hermione 'I asked Draco Malfoy if he wanted to play chess with me._

'Why not?' He shrugged.

_And he said yes._

Harry went to get the chess set from the cupboard. 'Have you ever played with Severus's chess set before?' he asked with a smirk.

'No, why?' Draco asked.

'Oh, it's loads of fun, believe me.'

----------

After Draco had thrashed Harry quite nicely he splayed himself out on his chair, legs hanging over the end and a superior smirk on his face, very much like the Draco Malfoy Harry remembered.

'You're shit at chess.' Draco remarked.

'Thanks for telling me, I never knew that.' Harry lay out on the couch too, trying to mimic Draco's actions.

'Listen,' Harry started. 'I'm sorry about … that bathroom incident. You know with the …' Harry made a slashing motion with his hand.

Draco waved his hand as of to say forget it. He took out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one with a flick of his wand. He inhaled deeply and then blew the smoke out into the air.

Harry didn't know what to make of this. His first thought was that Snape probably wouldn't like Draco smoking in his house but then Harry never could figure out what Snape was thinking most of the time.

He thought of coughing a few times to show Malfoy that he didn't like it but then decided it would be too petty. Malfoy took another drag before offering one to Harry who shook his head vigorously.

'Suit yourself.' Draco said.

'My cousin used to smoke the muggle kind.' Harry said as explanation. 'Well, probably still does. Anyway I don't like him and wouldn't want to …'

'What? Turn into him? With one puff of a cigarette- whoosh.' Draco laughed. 'Anyway I wouldn't smoke those muggle things, they're so tame. This,' Draco took another drag, 'is the real thing.'

At that moment Snape walked back in, he was in a foul mood and was tearing off his outer robe which had some kind of spilt potion down the front.

'Fucking cauldron. Don't care if Merlin himself made it … sue the buggars for all they're worth … real gold, bah! I'll show them real gold … shove it up their arses...'

'You alright there Sev?' Draco asked innocently, looking as if he was trying not to laugh. He started walking over to him. 'What kind of potion is that? Looks like bat-bogeys mixed with armadillo bile.'

Thank you for that astute observation Draco.' Snape said, leaning over the desk towards him. 'And who told you that you could smoke,' he took the cigarette out of Draco's hand and took a long drag of it himself, blowing out a perfect smoke circle. 'In my house?' He finished as he vanished the cigarette.

'Show off.' Draco said, throwing his nose in the air and walking away.

Harry had to sigh at that display. He could never tell what Snape really meant. If he really minded Draco smoking he wouldn't have smoked it himself, but if he didn't mind then why did he vanish it? In the end he decided it wasn't worth taxing his brain over and instead started to clear up, ignoring the indignant squeaking of one of the knights as he was put at the bottom of the of the box.

'I'm not a lowly pawn you know.'

'What about a prawn?' Harry asked.

'Don't like prawns.' Draco answered, sitting back down opposite Harry. 'They're far too … pink.'

'I wasn't asking you.'

----------

After the disaster with the cauldron Snape needed some more potion ingredients and another cauldron so the three of them took a trip to Diagon Alley where Harry could also get his school things for the new term and Draco could get a whole host of things he desperately needed as a life or death situation- like new dress robes.

Just before they left Snape handed Harry a potion. 'What's this?' Harry asked. 'It better not be the stuff that's all over your robes.' He smelt it. 'Don't tell me it's polyjuice potion.'

'No it's just a glamour.' Snape said downing his and grimacing as it went down.

'What's the difference?' Harry asked as he held his nose and gulped it down.

'It doesn't change your appearance to look like someone else, it just changes your features slightly so you will not be recognised. Also it will not end until I give you the counter potion.'

'It tastes as disgusting.' Harry said as he tried not to throw up.

Snape did not comment to that. 'Keep your scar hidden.' Was all he said.

Harry was glad to get out of the house again and, making sure to occlude his mind the three of them flooed to the leaky cauldron and made their way from there.

They went to Florish and Blotts first of all so that Harry could get his books. Draco wandered off to another part of the store, Harry was relieved to see. He was relieved because Draco had been pissing him off already, acting like the arrogant prat he always was at school but more importantly Harry wanted to talk to Snape alone.

'Why's he here?' He blurted out as soon as they were alone.

He checked on Draco out of the corner of his eye to try to see what books he was looking at. He couldn't tell what section he was in but he knew that the dark arts section, such as it was in this store, was in the opposite direction.

Snape looked at him sternly. 'Because he needed help and I'm his Godfather.'

'But—'

'I have told you the reason and that's all there is to it. Now hurry up and get your books.'

'Okay.' Harry was about to go and then changed his mind and turned back to Snape. 'What was all this stuff about you and his mother?'

'That is none of your business. What happened between you and that Banks girl?'

Harry swallowed hard but conceded the point as he went off to get his books.

There were no DADA books on the list and Harry could only assume that they didn't have anyone for the post yet. Maybe he could take the lessons. He laughed at that thought because the Slytherins wouldn't come. Or maybe now they would. Would they expect him to start teaching them real dark arts? Maybe some kind of VA, as apposed to DA.

Harry paid for his books, noticing that he would need another trip to Gringotts soon to refresh his supply. Draco, he noticed had bought about twelve books, which he asked Severus to shrink for him in a rather snobbish tone.

Then Draco had dragged the two of them through almost every shop in Diagon Alley looking for certain must have items and they had both had a wander through the quidditch store, only leaving when Darco had had enough. Finally they went back to the leaky cauldron for a butter beer.

Draco was complaining, that he also needed some things in Knockturn Alley, that he really wanted an ice-cream and it was really selfish of Mr Fortescue to shut up shop, and that what he could really do with right now was a large firewhiskey. All in all it added up to the fact that Snape was being plain mean and Harry was just an idiot anyway.

He was starting to piss Harry off and judging by the look on Snape's face, him too.

Their drink was rushed so that they could all get back to Snape's house. Harry just wanted to lock himself away in his own room, away from the two Slytherins. As they walked Draco stayed quite a bit in front of the other two and was obviously in a bit of a mood. Harry didn't care in the slightest and as soon as he got in the house he started to make his way to his room. Before a firm voice stopped him.

'Stay exactly where you are. I want to talk to you.'

Harry turned around slowly.

'Not you.' Snape said, looking at Harry. 'You!' He pointed at Draco. 'Come into the lounge. You can go to your room.' He said to Harry again and quickly handed him the counter potion before giving him a hard shove towards his room.

Harry went into his room in a huff but purposely didn't close the door. Neither of them seemed to notice. There was no way he was going to miss Draco getting a good telling off.

A few minutes later Sanpe's voice floated clearly through to him from the other room.

'Draco, you didn't need to act like that towards Harry. You're on the same side now.'

'Yeah, still doesn't stop him from being a prat.' Draco replied. 'I don't see why he had to come with us anyway. Don't you remember when we used to go together when I was younger and I would help you buy the freshest ingredients. But just because The-Boy-Who-Won't-Die needs his schoolbooks he has to come along too and spoil the whole thing.

'I know you're upset that you can't go back to school like everyone else, but there is no need to take it out on Harry.'

'No it's not that, I don't care about not going back to Hogwarts. It's just that ever since I met him on the train in first year he's always got everything I ever wanted- everything. And now…' He sniffed loudly. 'Now he's got you.'

'What do you mean Draco?' Severus asked soothingly.

'Do you even realise how much I love you. Don't look at me like that, I don't mean it in that way. I just mean that you have always acted like a father to me and I know I am your Godson so it's part of your role, but ever since I was young I have always wished, **dreamed** that you were my real father and that I lived with you and mum. And then **he** comes along and guess what? It turns out he's your son. So just like everything else he gets something that he probably doesn't even want and that I've been dreaming of having ever since I can remember. But no, I'm stuck with Lucius and he's such a loving…'

At this point the words broke off and all Harry could hear were great wracking sobs.

After a few moments, when Draco's cries had calmed down Snape spoke again. 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea you felt that way.'

'How could you not know. I used to worship the ground you walked on when I was little and father used to tease me about how I wanted to marry you, but it was in a nice way then.'

'Yes, I remember back then your father was a lot nicer. You used to go on family picnics, you were given everything you wanted.'

'Oh yeah I was given all the toys I wanted. It was much better then but then my father became twisted and bitter. It was like he forgot how to love and became so ruthless, even to his own son- and his wife.'

'Yes I know about that.'

'I don't mind about you and her, you know. I know you were there two nights ago, I could hear you. Sometimes you were the only thing that stopped her from going mad, the next morning she was always in a much better mood. She would make me breakfast and actually talk to me.

'There are times now when she doesn't come out of her room for days on end, let alone talk to me. Father's turned her into a shadow of herself and you were always the one who could bring her back again. That is why in my dreams it's always been you, me and mum. Not Harry bloody Potter.'

'Draco. You are like a son to me, always have been. And I would have done anything to protect you and your mother. There was a time I would have done the same for your father, when I was young and naïve enough to believe we were friends.

'I think there was a time at school when he was alright but the more power he got the more he wanted and the more corrupt he got. He used me, made me believe he loved me at one point.'

'Made you believe …'

'Yes Draco. Lucius was my first. He took away my innocence and led me into the world of the Death Eaters.'

'That is disgusting. You and my mum I can understand, but my dad? You know I only wanted to be a Death Eater because you were, not because he was. I can't believe—'

'I told you he used me. He told me anything to get me into bed with him, just so I could become his puppet, his stooge. And the only thing that got me to see through his manipulations was you. When you came along I vowed that I would protect you from becoming what he has. A little while back I thought I had failed but …' Snape's voice was strained, it sounded like he was finding it hard to get the words out.

'If I could make you my son I would.' He continued.

'More than Potter?' Draco asked hopefully.

'Of course more than Potter.' Snape replied.

Harry slipped away from the door and went to bed.


	12. Second Interlude: The Other Side

_Thank you so much for all your review for the last chapter. I now have over 100- woo hoo. Enjoy this short interlude, I'll be getting back to Harry next chapter._ Chapter 12 – Interlude: The Other Side 

I just want to have a look for one minute, you're going to spend an hour in here.

I am not. We both need to get our schoolbooks you know and your mother's waiting for us at Madame Malkins.

One minute, Hermione. I just wanted to check out those new Xracers, Hayver Haversham has taken over the company and he's the one who made the—

Ronald! We do not have time to look at stupid broomsticks all day. And he has a stupid name anyway.

Hmph.

What's you problem now? Oh you need one of these- ooh these look interesting…

We were supposed to be helping Harry.

I know Ron but we don't know where he is.

Oh, we don't know where he is so that's okay then.

I didn't mean it like that and you know it. But we got a letter from him didn't we, saying that he was all right.

Didn't say much. Just that he's fine- which doesn't mean a whole lot, that he can't tell us where he is- well there's a surprise, he didn't want us to get hurt- that stupid hero complex of his, he'll be in contact with us soon and blah, blah, blah. That could have been written by anyone. I mean it could have been written by a flobberworm, by you-know-who, by Snape for Merlin's sake.

It was his handwriting Ronald.

Would you stop calling me that?

I will when you stop being a prat.

I just can't believe we're going back to school while he's out finding horcruxes and fighting death eaters.

You know school is important too- here's your charms book.

Oh, more important than our best friend? More important than saving the world from a megalomaniac?

No, of course not. You shouldn't say things like that because you know I don't mean it that way. But knowledge is power and one day Harry might contact us wanting information that only we know about—'

You mean that only you know about and you're going to spew off half a textbook with words that he won't even understand in it.

Also, if he contacts us and tells us to meet him then we will go, straight away. Even if we are in the middle of class, halfway through our homework, eating breakfast in the great hall. We'll drop everything and go to him. Does that sound like I'm putting my schoolwork before everything else?

Well no, I guess not.

Then what is still your problem?

I don't know, I just feel like I'm missing something, that everyone else knows something I don't.

Everyone else knows lots of things you don't.

Very funny. I just mean that there's something funny going on. Just before I saw both Zabini and Parkinson walking past and they both smirked at me.

They are slytherins, they always smirk at people.

Not like this they don't. There was something strange about it, as if they knew something about me, or about Harry, that we don't know.

I hope that's just your imagination Ron because if they know something about Harry and they're smirking about it…

I know.

----------

You can meet them in a minute Ginny, stop fussing. You're growing so much it seems like I have to get you new robes every year.

You have never given me new robes mum. They've usually been worn by fifty million people previously.

Don't exaggerate, these ones are just like new. Ron and Hermione will meet us in here as soon as they've finished at the bookshop.

Which will be in about fifty million years knowing Hermione.

What did I say about exaggeration?

That it is a beautiful art and we should all use it.

You've been on at Hermione for ages, I thought you liked her.

I do like her. She was the only person I could talk to about Harry. But now she and Ron are obviously going to get together once they decide to stop bickering like they are already married and meanwhile forgetting about their other best friend who's off doing God knows what and …

Oh come here. Come on, it'll be alright, he'll be alright.

How do you know? I knew he wasn't going to come back to school but I just would have like to have seen him before he went and I know he broke up with me but it wasn't because he didn't like me it was just because he didn't want to see me hurt and all that noble stupidity.

That's just what he's like Ginny and you should be glad that he cares about you so much.

Not enough to say goodbye to me obviously. He wrote a letter to Ron and Hermione but not to me.

He asked how you were in his roundabout way.

Hmph. I just … Oh I can't talk to you about this.

About what?

Well about … sex and things.

Why not?

Because you're my mum.

And I was also a teenage girl remember. I know about these things, I met your father when I was very young.

Yes you told me about that.

So what is it about sex that you don't want to talk about?

The fact that we never did it even though I wanted to. How I would still like to do it with him when he gets back but I don't think he'll wait for me. How if I find out he lost his virginity to someone else I might chop off his head with one of those muggle swords. And wondering whether I should wait for him or see other people. There's someone in my year who I know fancies the socks off me.

Oh, well they are problems. However I think you are being a bit hypocritical by saying you'll kill him if he loses his virginity to someone else when you haven't given yours to him.

…… How … how, how … I mean …how…

How do I know that?

No, I mean … well I don't know where you've got that information from but—

Don't give me that, Ginny. I've been a mother long enough to know when my children are having sex. And let me remind you again that I was a teenager too.

You knew when all of us started having sex?

Yes, except for Ron who hasn't done so yet but I assume it won't be long now.

Who was the youngest?

Who do you think?

Bill.

Of course. I suppose I should be glad he's settled down, even if it is with…

Phlegm.

Her name is Fleur.

Who was second youngest?

I think it must have been you, although Charlie wasn't that far behind.

Oh wow. I beat Charlie.

You know, maybe we shouldn't be talking about this.

----------

So, any ideas?

Well I was thinkin' abou' Nymphadora Tonks. Yeh know she was an ex-auror so she'd know plenty of defensive spells and all tha'.

She won't do it. Albus already asked her before fifth year.

Well we're runnin' ou' of options Minnerva an' if we don' get someone soon they'll send another dolt from the ministry.

I think they're finding it hard to find someone even from there who are willing to do it. After what happened with Severus—

Hmm. Tha' still makes me so mad, even I trusted 'im.

Well let's leave that for a moment shall we? There was something else I wanted to discuss with you. Now I am Headmistress I can obviously no longer be head of Gryffindor and I was wondering …

Oh, yer jokin'. Tell me it's not wha' I think it is.

I was wondering if you would like the post.

It won' be the same withou' Harry.

Be that as it may, you should not have favourites when you're a head of house. You need to treat everyone equally. That is very important.

'Course I will. I know tha'. I jus' hope he's all righ'. Never did say goodbye.

He'll be all right. Mr Weasley and Miss Granger will still be here and I'm sure they'll keep in touch.

D'you have any idea where he's gone?

None whatsoever.

----------

I'm telling you she knows where he is but she's not telling for some reason.

We have to trust her judgement, Remus. If she's not saying anything then it will be for a good reason.

I just, I want to know that he's safe, you know.

We all do, but Ron and Hermione got a letter from him saying that he's fine.

That could mean anything.

It was his handwriting, love. Why would he say anything different.

I never put it past his relatives to make him write letters like that to us every three days.

Well he's not with them anymore. Did you know Minnerva asked me to teach defence against the dark arts again?

Stop changing the subject, I'm not too pleased with her at the moment.

Well I said no again, you'll be pleased to know. Anyway I'm supposed to be on the hunt for the illustrious boy-who-lived. I just wondered if she'd asked you too.

Not yet. She has to think about the parents of course. They didn't want me before so I don't see why they would want me again.

They might have no choice even Scrimgeour is finding it hard to find someone from the ministry willing to take the job. And this is when it's needed the most.

Are you thinking of changing your mind, dearest?

Well they need to be taught these things, Goddamnit. There is a war going on and they are all going to be involved whether they like it or not. Apart from those in Dumbledores Army most of them don't even know how to hold a wand properly.

They might start it up again now that it is needed so much.

Without Harry?

----------

Without Harry?

Well you taught a lot of it as well. There is nothing he could do that you couldn't find out from a book. And I'm a lot better than I was.

I suppose it is needed. But I don't know if we'll have so many people this time, once they know that Harry's not going to be there?

We could make a blow-up Harry – use it for target practice.

Oh come on Ron be serious, everyone would lose. Although it would be quite funny.

Ah ha, I knew there was an evil streak in you somewhere.


	13. Lookalike

Walking In Shadows Chapter 13 – Look-alike

Harry woke up the next day to the sound of Malfoy's voice, but it certainly wasn't Draco.

'…too soft on him Severus. If he stays here you will coddle him so much he won't be able to breathe without your help.'

'You know well enough by now Lucius that I am not the coddling type. I never coddle any of my students or else they'll never learn anything.'

Harry quietly got out of bed as he listened to the conversation that was going on in the lounge. He grabbed his clothes and made his way over to the bathroom.

'Yes, but we all know that you have a soft spot for Draco, don't we? You are jeopardising all my years of teaching by letting him get away with too much. For two years in a row now he has been beaten in most of his subjects by that mudblood girl, even in potions and …'

Harry turned the shower on full blast, drowning out the voices that were continuing their argument.

Five minutes later he turned the shower off again.

'…Not a child father, I can do what I want and I want to stay here with Severus.' That was Draco.

'Did you think that was a choice I was offering, Draco. Let me make it clear that it certainly was not. Your mother is worried sick and you are going back—'

'And since when have you known how mother feels? She's probably forgotten what you look like by now, that's how much she's seen you. Do you really think she's moping about at home waiting for you to be cleared and come home? You're not the only one being unfaithful in this marriage and if you think—'

A sharp crack hit the air and Harry winced in sympathy.

'How dare you…'

Harry turned the shower on again as he was getting dressed, even though he no longer needed to use it.

By the time he finally turned the water off again and exited the bathroom everything was silent in the living room, in fact it was silent everywhere which made Harry wonder exactly where the other three had gone.

He opened the door slightly and peeked out into the living room, expecting it to be empty. What he saw instead was Snape lounging on the sofa reading a thick tome. Much to Harry's displeasure Draco was there too, on the chair opposite engrossed in his own book. He didn't look at all as if his father had just come in, insulted him and then whacked him about the face, that is apart from the fact that his left cheek was slightly red, the mark in the form of a handprint.

Just as Harry was about to announce his presence Draco looked up at Severus, his features deep in thought. 'If the potion never turned green,' he said. 'It means there was no glamour at all, right?'

'We've already established that Draco.' Snape replied.

'I know that but listen. There are spells, enchantments that completely change a persons features but they have glamours fitted into them which makes them a lot more powerful and easy to control. Like the Elexis for example.'

'And your point?' Snape looked tired and actually tried to cover up a yawn.

'Well if someone had Elexis cast on him the potion wouldn't turn green either because the glamour is added onto the enchantment, not onto the person themselves. I still think we're dealing with a very intricate glamour charm on top of whatever enchantment was used. It would strengthen the spell and avoid someone just waving a wand and cancelling the spell with a few words. It's safer.'

'Elexis had nothing to do with—'

'Oh forget Elexis. It was just an example.'

Snape thought for a moment. 'It is amazingly simple then, if that's what was done. I've been disregarding all the enchantments I could think about and read about because it didn't fit with the consistency…'

'And disregarding the glamours because it didn't fit with the colour.' Draco finished.

Now Harry had no idea what they were going on about but he did know that it was about him and decided it was about time he was included in this conversation.

He stepped fully into the room. 'And what exactly are you two talking about on this fine morning?' He said cheerily.

'None of your business.' Draco snapped.

'Draco.' Snape said in warning.

'In fact I think it is my business seeing as you are in fact talking about me.'

'Oh in that case do join us.' Draco said in a fake polite voice. 'And tell us, what do you think this enchantment is.' Draco rested his head in his hands and looked at Harry expectantly as if he would like nothing more then to hear Harry's views on the matter.

Harry shook his head in disgust and plopped down on the sofa as far away from the potions master as was possible. 'So, you know what it is? You can remove it?' He asked, trying to add at least a little enthusiasm into his voice.

'That is what we have been discussing this morning while you have been lazing in bed.' Snape replied dryly. 'Now I think we will both need to go back to the lab for a few more tests on this idea. You are welcome to join us Harry, so long as you don't touch anything or do anything whatsoever.'

'Oh I would love to Severus.' Harry replied sweetly, the name rolling off his tongue. 'But unfortunately I have to go eat some flobberworms and then write an endearing letter of love to the Dark Lord before finally seeking out Lucius and offering to suck him off.'

With that Harry got up and flounced off to his room, leaving sounds of retching from Draco and low chuckling from Snape in his wake.

--

Harry lay in bed reading some of his textbooks for a while, or at least trying to. He ended up reading the same line of his charms book over and over again before finally giving it up as a lost cause. His mind kept on wandering off to what the other two were doing in Snape's private lab, whether they had found out how to remove the glamour, whether he wanted them to, and what on earth possessed him to talk about sucking off Lucius Malfoy, even in sarcasm.

Snape had found it amusing but then Harry was starting to understand his sense of humour. It was the type of thing he would find funny. Harry actually smiled at that thought now and then cringed when he realised he had been doing so.

A short while later Harry was called back in for lunch. Draco and Severus were already seated when Harry finally joined them. There was a tray of toasted sandwiches in the middle of the table with a variety of fillings and next to them a bowl of potato wedges and a simple salad. Harry had to stare for a while to make sure he was seeing things right.

Snape? Making toasted sandwiches and wedges? Maybe this was done for Draco's benefit, like everything else. Maybe Harry should start asking for meals like this himself, not that Snape would ever agree to it for his benefit.

The two of them were already deep into a conversation about Harry's glamour- or whatever it was, and Harry just sat there gloomily picking at his sandwich.

'Well I'm surprised you didn't think of it yourself.' Draco was saying in his haughty voice. 'I mean it is amazingly simple.'

'Which is probably why I didn't think of it and you did, seeing as you have a very simple mind and mine is a lot more complex.'

'Why you …' With that Draco launched a piece of lettuce across the table at Snape which hit him square on the noise.

Harry shivered slightly. If it was him who did that he would probably have got another slap. All Draco got was the piece of lettuce launched back at him, the dressing on it spoiling the front of his shirt, much to Draco's anger. Harry tried his best not to laugh at that.

'Seriously it is very ingenious using something like that. Most people don't think of the simple things because they think of them as too simple for people to actually use.' Snape continued as if he hadn't just had a food fight with his Godson.

'And so to actually use it is like a double bluff.' Draco continued.

Snape inclined his head slightly.

'You just won't admit you couldn't do it without me.' Draco teased.

'We've already established that you are simple so you think of the simple things. That's nothing to be proud of.'

'Do you want another piece of lettuce launched at you?' Draco actually lifted a piece off his plate in warning.

At that Harry pushed his plate away from him and stood up suddenly.

'I can't deal with this.' He said softly and quickly made his way to his room without looking back.

Once there he plopped down face first on his bed, his heart thumping loudly.

What was wrong with him?

That scene between Snape and Draco Malfoy had really upset him and he had no clue why it did.

It wasn't as if he wanted Snape to treat him that way. It wasn't as if he was jealous of the ease the two had with each other. So why did he have this ache deep in his throat.

And now that he thought of it, why would Snape make toasted sandwiches and potato wedges for someone like Draco Malfoy? It was far to mugglish and common for his taste.

--

Two hours later Harry was actually called into the potions lab. He had been reading one of his old DADA books about non-verbal spells and had found that he had actually gotten quite into it.

Blocked again, and again, and again until you learn to keep you mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter.

Well he'd managed one of them at least. Why didn't Harry realise before that Snape was actually shouting useful tips to him, telling what he had to do to defeat the Dark Lord? Probably because he had just killed the headmaster at the time.

When Harry finally entered the lab Snape was waiting impatiently with his arms folded while Draco was busy stirring a dark green potion that smelt worse than polyjuice. His brow was creased in concentration and he didn't even seem to notice that Harry had arrived.

'I think it's ready.' He said, quite nervously in Harry's opinion. 'The colour and consistency seems right but as we've never made this before I really can't tell—'

'It will be fine Draco.' Snape replied in a no-nonsense voice, grabbing the ladle from the boy.

Draco hurriedly moved away from the cauldron as Snape took his place. He grabbed the empty goblet that was lying next to it and literally poured all of the contents of the cauldron into it. The goblet automatically grew bigger to accommodate all the liquid.

He handed the potion to Harry. 'Drink.' He said, reminding Harry of the first night he arrived here. But Harry was not going to drink this time until he found out what this was and how it worked.

'What, is this it? What does it do?' He asked, fully expecting Snape to tell him that it would give him riches beyond his wildest fucking dreams.

'What do you think it will do you imbecile? Give you jelly legs.' Okay so Harry's last thought wasn't exactly right but Snape still couldn't answer without sarcasm. 'It will remove the glamour, you twit. Now drink.'

Harry sighed but still lifted the goblet to his lips, holding his nose against the awful smell. Then two things happened almost at once. At the first taste of the substance Harry gagged reflexively and his body revolted as he tried to spit it out. However at the same time the goblet was pushed more firmly against his lips and hands pulled his head back almost painfully and kept his nose pinched so that he could not breath. As Harry gagged and his stomach twisted the potion was forced between his lips and tipped down his throat. The fingers holding his nostrils shut stayed where they were until Harry swallowed then everything was gone.

Harry came to bent over double, coughing and trying to calm his stomach, which was still trying to revolt. Finally he managed to stand up.

'What the hell was that about?' He yelled to no one in particular.

Snape stood opposite Harry, looking at him appraisingly. 'I knew with the mix of ingredients that the potion would be foul and figured you would not be able to swallow it without some help.'

Harry glared, then turned to see Draco leaning against the wall and smirking at him. He had been the one holding his head back, Harry could tell. 'I'm glad you enjoyed that.' Harry spat at him.

'Yeah, I did.' Then his smirk grew wider. 'Have sweet dreams Potter.' Then he sauntered out the room.

'What's that meant to mean?' Harry said as he turned to glare at Snape.

Snape sighed. 'Just that you might have a … slightly uncomfortable night, what with all the changes your body will experience.'

Harry's hand suddenly shot up to his hair at Snape's words and then down to fell his face. 'Do-do I look any different?' He asked worriedly.

Snape sniffed haughtily. 'Imbecile.' He muttered as he strode out the room.

--

Harry could only pick at his turkey salad that evening, his stomach still revolting, only this time it was not at the foul taste of the potion but at the thought of what the potion was going to do to him.

He knew that he hadn't experienced any changes yet and probably would not do so until night time but that still didn't help his nerves. It also didn't help him that neither Draco nor Snape would tell him anything.

After dinner both of the boys helped Snape clear up the dinner and the potions room before Snape sent Draco to his room with a stern warning Harry didn't quite understand.

'Come.' Snape said to Harry. Leading the way to Harry's bedroom.

Harry followed reluctantly and sat down stiffly on his bed. He watched as Snape went to the cupboard and brought out a pile of books, which he then placed on the bedside table.

Harry's heart sank as he eyed the books apprehensively. Probably potions books no doubt.

'They're not potions.' Snape said as if he had read Harry's mind. 'You actually need to have books you would be happy to read tonight.'

As Harry took a closer look he caught words like quidditch, defence, hexes and broomsticks. And also a certain book called _The top 100 cheats used in professional Quidditch and how to use them effectively. _Harry couldn't help but laugh. He was still surprised Snape had actually given it back to him.

'Now.' Snape began as he sat down next to Harry on the bed, blocking off his view to the books.. 'Like I said you are going to feel some changes tonight. The way the spell works- and Draco and I are pretty sure this will work- is that it only starts the process when you are asleep and not before.'

'So I won't feel anything.'

'You may feel the back of my hand if you interrupt me again.' He waited for Harry's slight nod and then continued. 'It will start when you are asleep and hopefully a lot of it will take place while you are in the unconscious state. Unfortunately the more the potion starts working the more painful it will become and soon enough it will become so painful as to wake you up.

'Once you have awoken I doubt you will be able to get back to sleep again. That is why I have given you these books to read. You will not be able to sleep and you will need something to take your mind off the pain. As the night wears on I don't think that the books will even do that but they will do to start with and then you'll just have to grin and bear it.'

'How painful will it actually be?' Harry asked, his voice hitching.

'You had to re-grow the bones in you arm in second year after that idiot of a professor vanished them, is that correct?'

Harry nodded. 'Will it be like that? That was painful enough.'

'It will probably be about ten times worse.' Harry blanched. 'But the same type of pain.'

'Why will it be worse? I had to re-grow my bones from scratch.'

'Yes and in this case you will be changing the very structure and shape of your bones.' Snape replied. 'Things will be shifting about in your body rather than just growing back where they already were before.'

Harry shifted about on his bed uncomfortably. 'Isn't there a pain relief potion I can take?' He asked hopefully.

'No. Any other potion you may take could react badly to the one you already have.'

Harry nodded.

'You're no stranger to pain.' Snape said. 'Think of this as more practice in pain. After tonight Cruciatus will feel like a ride on your broom.'

Harry nodded again in defeat. 'Should I try to sleep now or wait a little?'

'I don't suppose it matters as you will most probably have the same amount of sleep no matter when you start. But like everything the sooner it starts the sooner it stops. If you try to sleep now you may be alright for lunch.'

'For lunch?' Harry spluttered. 'It takes that long?'

'Yes.' Snape replied. 'Probably longer as I doubt you'll be able to get to sleep that quickly tonight.'

'You're telling me.'

'This is where Occlumency comes in. You will need to clear your mind of these painful thoughts in order to get to sleep. I can stay with you if you want but I believe you are capable of doing so yourself now.'

'Yes, I'll be fine.' Harry said more bravely than he felt. 'If you don't mind I think I'll go and have a shower now and then read for a bit until I feel tired.'

'Okay.' Snape said and got up to leave. As he was about to walk out the door he turned back. 'You may have some strange dreams as well but I wouldn't worry too much about them, you will be in a feverish state.' He paused for a moment. 'If you need me … you know I'm only next door.'

He parted on these words, closing the door softly behind him.

Harry stared at the closed door in awe. That sounded almost … fatherly. He banished those thoughts with a shake of his head and went into the bathroom for his shower.

He probably had the longest shower in history as he was dreading going to sleep. But to be brutally honest with himself he knew that the pain he was going to be feeling was only part of the reason, and not a very big part at that.

The main reason he did not want to go to sleep was because he would most probably wake up looking distinctly different, and he did not want to look any different. He knew that he wasn't that good-looking, he had messy hair that would not stay put, he was too short and his eyesight was so bad he needed his glasses on every minute of the day.

But what was the alternative? A big, hooked nose, greasy hair, sallow skin, skeletal figure. Harry shivered at the mere thought. He liked how he looked, he liked the fact that he looked like James even if he wasn't his real father and was a bit of a bully. He was used to the way he looked and knew what to expect when he looked in the mirror.

He touched his nose apprehensively just to assure himself it was still the same size. He wanted to savour every last second of what he thought of as his proper appearance.

After a long while he finally dragged himself out of the shower and to his bed, huddling under the covers. For some reason he was shivering uncontrollably even though his shower had been extremely hot. He grabbed for The Cheats Used in Professional Quidditchbook and opened it to a random page, forcing his mind to read the words.

Unfortunately this particular dive cannot be used anymore as referees now know what to look for and if caught the player could be disqualified for

Harry shut the book with a snap and chucked it back onto his bedside table. It fell off the other end with a clatter, bringing another book down with it. Harry read the title from the spine which was now facing him. _Hogwarts: An Interesting History._

Harry frowned and then reached over to pick it up. Underneath the main title were sub-headings of what to expect from the book. _Tricks, treats, secret passages, poltergeists, quidditch, teachers, detentions and lots more!_

Harry smiled to himself and opened the book to the first chapter. _The Founders: What they were really like. _Soon enough he was chuckling softly to himself, totally absorbed by the book.

It was about twenty minutes later that he started to feel sleepy and put the book down. Five minutes later he fell asleep. Ten minutes after that his eyelids started to flutter.

He dreamt.


	14. Best Feature

Chapter 14 – Best Feature 

It's funny how in dreams everything is totally random but it still seems to make perfect sense. For example, it was an everyday occurrence for Dudley and Piers Polkis to be at Hogwarts, going Harry hunting with Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini.

It was also perfectly normal that Gryffindor tower looked exactly like Mrs Figg's front room, but instead of being filled with cats there were hundreds of blast-ended skrewts scuttling around, with blasts coming from their back ends every few minutes. No one seemed to care though because obviously they were used to this sort of thing happening.

Ron and Hermione were arguing like an old married couple, which was not so out of place but what they were arguing about was. Apparently it was common knowledge that Snape was Harry's father and it no one seemed to care.

Ron was arguing that Snape shouldn't have given his own son a detention because Ron would not be happy if his mum had done that to him- his mum apparently was the new DADA teacher. While Hermione countered that Snape couldn't act any differently towards Harry as that would be favouritism and Snape never showed favouritism to anyone.

It was around this point that Harry started to get chased by Dudley and his gang and it was when he had veered round the corner in a corridor on the again forbidden third floor that the dream changed.

Dramatically.

He was now in a stone room, lit up sparingly by magically hanging torches giving off a slightly greenish light. The only other thing that in the room was a throne set up on top of a dais and of course the man sitting on it who was none other than Voldemort himself.

Harry slowly approached the dais, climbed up the stone steps and knelt daintily at the Dark Lords feet, making sure to keep his eyes locked firmly on the ground. Voldemort placed a hand on top of Harry's head and then slowly dragged a fingernail along his jaw line. Harry shivered expectantly.

'You have done well young Harry, as I knew you would. Because of your hard work I will reward you with one request, what will it be?'

'My Lord, if you allow it, I would like for you to give me Bellatrix Lestrange to do with as I wish.'

'She is a very loyal follower, Harry. I assume you don't want to wine and dine her which leads me to believe that she will be harmed in some way, crucio maybe. I need a very good excuse before I will hand her over to you.'

'I only ask for her as penance for what she did to my Godfather. She may be loyal but she is not very useful as she is mad my Lord, as I'm sure you know. She could not even get the prophesy for you, what use has she been except to land herself in Azkaban and unable to help return you to your body?'

Voldemort smiled slightly. 'You are right Harry. You cannot trust someone who no longer has their sanity. I will give her to you then on the condition that you will—

----------

The pain was unbearable. It was like something metal was being drilled into his brain. His legs felt like they were on fire, his stomach was revolting, his arms were shaking uncontrollably and hardly felt like arms at all. In fact there wasn't a single part of his body that did not hurt.

Harry started to crawl out his bed but only ended up falling off it with a big thump.

'Ow!'

He lay there for a few seconds, trying to get his bearings and muttering nonsensical things under his breath. He finally pushed himself to his hands and knees and draped the top half of his body over the bed. From this point he was able to see the clock on the bedside table.

1:57 was blinking at him smugly. Only ten hours to go until the time when the pain might just stop.

Shit.

Bollocks.

Harry climbed further onto his bed until he was lying across its width and tried not moving at all. It helped … a little.

An hour and a half later and Harry was now lying lengthwise on the bed in a much more comfortable position. _Hogwarts: An Interesting History_ lay abandoned on the bed next to him. He had started reading it again which helped for a while as there was a very interesting bit about the ghosts of Hogwarts and the poltergeist before Peeves. However soon his arms ached so badly that he could no longer hold the book up and had to throw the book away from him hastily before his arms collapsed.

Now his arms were still throbbing badly and he decided to just concentrate on his breathing. In. Out. In. Out. It helped … a little.

An hour after that Harry was being violently sick over the edge of his bed. He thought he could see half digested pieces of Turkey. That red thing may once have been a slice of tomato.

He heaved again. By now it was just dry retching as there was nothing else to come out but still his stomach kept on revolting. Harry thought fleetingly about the potion. If he was sicking that back up again then this would have all been a waste. He certainly felt like his stomach might revolt from the taste alone only minutes after he took the vile substance.

He finally lay back on his bed, spent. He swiped his pyjama sleeve across his mouth in an attempt to rid it of the horrible aftertaste. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably and he could feel that he was burning up.

He couldn't remember much for a while after that and he wondered if he had managed to get back to sleep after all, before deciding that it was more likely that he had passed out from the pain.

The time was now 5:15. It was blinking back and forth at Harry fuzzily. He tried to find his glasses but sometime during the night he had obviously knocked them off the bedside table with all his tossing and turning and he could not find them now, nor be bothered to try.

He was feeling a little better, even felt slightly hungry. However he had a very uncomfortable feeling all around him, bordering on pain. It was if he could now actually feel his bones changing shape. It was decidedly freaky and Harry wished he could fall back unconscious just so that he didn't have to feel it.

Snape had told him to embrace the pain, go with it and all that bullshit. At this moment Harry wanted nothing more than to show Snape what pain felt like by casting the cruciatus curse at him repeatedly …

A flash came to him …

A fingernail being dragged across his jaw line …

Shivering at the cold touch …

Then it was gone.

Harry slept. Fitfully.

At 7.15 Harry found himself crumpled at the bottom of the shower, the freezing cold water raining down on him. He had no memory of how he had got here but he had to admit that it helped … a lot.

----------

This was how Snape found him twenty minutes later.

Harry saw his black shadow seconds before hearing the drawling voice.

'What are you doing?'

'It's nice.' Harry replied sleepily. He was now shivering uncontrollably from the coldness but he didn't care. 'I feel so hot. This is nice.'

'You're going to freeze to death you idiot child.' And with that Snape turned off the water. Harry groaned loudly.

Paying no attention Snape started lifting Harry to his feet. He was halfway there when he suddenly dropped him again and Harry slumped back to the bottom of the tub.

Harry was about to ask what that was all about when he heard some unmistakable laughter coming from above. Snape was laughing at him and Harry could not for the life of him figure out what was so funny.

Maybe it was because he was lying soaking wet in his pyjamas at the bottom of the shower, but Harry really couldn't see what was even remotely funny about that.

Before he could analyse it further he was again being lifted out of the shower and bundled up in a large white towel.

Nice to see you have something that isn't black … or green.' Harry mumbled into the warmth of the towel.

Snape didn't reply.

'I feel a lot better now.' He carried on rather sleepily.

'Yes, the worst is probably over although you will probably be feeling the side effects for a while.'

'I can't find my glasses.' Harry said, changing the subject without even realising it.

Snape frowned at him. 'Are you sure you still need them?' He asked. 'The bad eyesight was from James. Neither me or Lily needed glasses.'

'Oh. Did you wear contact lenses then?'

Snape stared at Harry as if he was mad. He felt Harry's forehead with the back of his hand. 'You're still running a fever. Back to bed with you.'

'But I don't want to go back to bed.' Harry whined pitifully.

Snape ignored him and cast a hasty drying charm on his pyjamas before dropping him none to gently onto the bed.

'You're so mean. I want to stay up a bit longer.'

The door slamming told Harry all he needed to know.

---------

Harry squinted down at his right foot, trying to judge whether it seemed further away. The least this change could do for him is to make him a little bit taller. It was this thought and the thought that he would no longer need glasses were the only things stopping him from thinking about big noses and sallow skin.

He slowly got to his feet, wobbling slightly as his muscles kept on spasming. He knew he had hardly any energy and his legs were already warning him that they could collapse at any moment.

Nevertheless he wobbled his way towards the wardrobe and forced his hand to reach out and open the door, revealing a long mirror on the back of it. Harry raised his eyes to his reflection, dreading what he was about to see.

He thought he was prepared. He thought he had gone through every scenario there could have been for this situation. Nothing could prepare him for what he was staring at. His breath hitched, his stomach clenched and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

The spasms, the aches and pains, they all disappeared to be replaced by shortness of breath so severe Harry found himself starting to hyperventilate again. His brain swam and he tilted on his feet as the room started to spin. He found his legs giving out from under him and let himself collapse to the floor, leaning his head against the cool mirror.

He started to cry.

Great wracking sobs overtook him until his whole body was shaking with the force of them.

It didn't take Snape very long to enter the room.

Harry didn't even know of Snape's presence for a good few minutes and when he did realise he was there he didn't acknowledge it.

'It's just a colour.' Snape said unsympathetically, knowing exactly what was vexing Harry so much.

Harry didn't answer the question directly. 'But it's James's features that should have changed. I-I don't understand. Lily is still my mum and this was the only thing I had of hers.'

Harry started trying to control his breathing.

'Your whole appearance was a fake, not just parts. You now have equal parts of myself and your mother and your own original look. Instead of being a James Potter look-alike.'

'But the eyes—'

'Green is a recessive colour. It is very unlikely that it would have been passed on. But you definitely have her cheek bones, her pallor, which I'm sure you're happy about, your hair even has auburn tints, it's not nearly as dark as mine.'

'Your nose.' Harry said despondently, only just realising it as he hadn't been able to tear his gaze from his eyes- his **dark **eyes.

Snape inclined his head with a look that said _tough luck._

'Everyone would comment. "You have your mothers eyes." Mrs Weasley bought me dress robes that matched my eyes. People used to say that it was …' His breath hitched. 'My best feature.'

'If it helps any, you're taller.' Snape said and then he left Harry to his thoughts.

----------

An hour later and Harry was up and dressed, feeling at last a lot better. He still felt some uncomfortable twitching in his bones, the worst of which sometimes made his legs give out, but other than that the ordeal seemed to be over.

The dark blue shirt he chose was a little tight around the chest area but other than that it seemed to fit just as well as it did the day before. It was his trousers that were the problem. All of them were now a good few inches too short. His robes had the same problem but Harry figured that Snape would be able to fix it.

Holding his head up high he exited his room for the first time in at least twelve hours to find Snape sitting on his own in the lounge, reading a book.

'Where's Malfoy?' Harry asked, wanting to get the worst over and done with.

'He's gone home.' Snape said, still not looking up from his book.

'Home?'

'Yes. That's usually the house that a person lives in.'

'Yes I know what it means.' Harry said, gritting his teeth. 'I just didn't realise he was going.'

'If I didn't know better I'd think you were disappointed.'

'Yes well fortunately you know better. I just thought that after his shouting match with Lucius it was decided that he was staying.'

'No, Draco decided that but Lucius wasn't about to give up. He went straight to the dark Lord who agreed with Lucius that Draco shouldn't be with me and he personally sent him back to his mothers.'

'Oh.' Was all Harry said for a while. 'He didn't even get to see the results of his hard work.' He carried on in mock sadness.

'Oh I know.' Snape replied. 'You should have seen him kicking and screaming like a spoilt child, which I suppose is what he still is. You probably would have heard him if you weren't so delirious at the time.'

'Delirious? When was I delirious?'

'You probably don't remember asking if me or your mother used to wear contact lenses or complaining pitifully that you wanted to stay up a bit longer.'

'Um…no. Why would either of you need contact lenses?'

'Exactly.' Snape said with a smirk. It was quite amusing though to see you babbling on like that.'

'You always think I'm babbling on.' Harry said plopping himself down on the couch.

'Either that or crying copiously about the colour of your eyes.'

Harry's now dark eyes darkened even more. 'Just don't, okay?'

Snape nodded in acceptance. 'Would you like something to eat?'

'No.' Harry said, he looked a bit sick at the thought of it. 'My stomach still feels a bit queasy.'

Snape nodded again. 'Suit yourself, you know how to cook.'

Harry couldn't bring himself to agree with that sentence so just stayed silent.

He picked up _Hogwarts: An Interesting History_ and continued reading the chapter about the portraits. He had got to a fairly amusing bit about a portrait that was finally torn down about 200 years ago called the Moaning Lisa. It had been annoying students with it's constant whining since the time of the founders and was finally removed by a second year girl with a talent for charms who burnt a hole in the wall so big that it was decided that they would build a passageway there to cover it up. Now there was a statue of a humpbacked witch in its place.

He was interrupted from his chuckling by Snape, who always seemed to be able to wipe any smile from his face.

'By the way, your friends have written to you.' Snape said.

Harry's smile actually widened until Snape continued. 'They want to see your new appearance.'

Harry was confused. 'Who are you talking about?' He asked.

'Two young men by the names of Martin Moon and Steven Lacey.'

'Oh.' Harry's heart sank.

'What, don't you want to go out with them?' Snape asked with a raised eyebrow.

'Well, I don't know. What do they want to do?'

'They mentioned something about a new club just outside Hogsmead called Invincible. It's supposed to be quite good for the youngsters. Although you wouldn't catch Gryffindors in there, I shouldn't think. It's not that type of club.'

'What type of club is it then?' Harry asked worriedly.

Snape just smiled smugly. 'It's a Slytherin type of club. You'll see what I mean.'

'I don't have to go.' Harry said firmly.

'Oh yes you do.' Snape replied. 'The Dark Lord wants you to befriend the Slytherins and become one of them. He will expect you to take part in their activities.'

Harry's heart plummeted. 'I feel even more sick.'

'Believe me, there are worse things.' Snape replied.

'Oh yeah, like what?'

'The Dark Lord wants to see you too.'

_A/N: Sorry for the wait, I have just moved house and have been without Internet for a month- honest!_


	15. Invincible

Chapter 15 - Invincible 

Snape chose the clothing for Harry to wear as, by his own admission, Harry didn't have a clue. He had to admit that the clothes suited him quite well, even though the jeans were very tight. To accompany the black jeans was a navy silk shirt and loose silk black robes to finish, hanging open.

Unfortunately Harry couldn't bring himself to appreciate it as his heart was thumping so hard he thought it might burst. He would have much preferred to be in his pyjamas in his warm comfy bed then stepping into the unknown.

'Listen, nothing there is going to kill you.' Snape said, obviously interpreting the look on Harry's face correctly.

He turned Harry round to face him and looked at him with an almost … fatherly expression. 'You're acting like I'm sending you to the Dark Lord. When that happens I expect you to be nervous, not when you're going to a teenage club. It is supposed to be fun you know.'

'Yeah.' Harry said. 'Well I've never been to any kind of club before, let alone any wizarding clubs where mini death eaters congregate.'

'You've never been to a club before?' Snape looked incredulous.

Harry just gave him a look and Snape backed down.

'Okay never mind. All you need to know is that like any club there will be drinks, music and dancing. And I don't see how it being muggle or wizarding should make any kind of difference. The music and drinks will be slightly different but that's about it.

'That's all you need to care about. If you don't want to do something then don't, no one can make you. I promise you that soon enough all this will be second nature to you, these clubs and gatherings. You will get used to it.'

Snape then started smoothing Harry's hair down with the same stuff he used for Nott's party, it seemed to work pretty well and Harry was about to ask where Snape had got it when he realised that his hair wasn't that out of control any more.

In fact, as he looked at himself in the mirror, he realised he quite liked his hair. It was lighter with some reddish tints and was now quite short and neat, there was no fringe though which Harry knew he would have to get used to. The nose was slightly longer and Harry couldn't help touching all the time to see if he could press it back in. It really was like looking at a different person. _The eyes._

As Snape smoothed the last of the stuff across his hair Harry suddenly shivered.

'You all right?' Snape asked, concerned.

'Yes, I …'

_A fingernail being dragged across his jaw line._

Harry jumped as if he'd been stung. 'Did you just …'

'What?' Snape said impatiently. 'Merlin, what are you going to be like when I send you to him?'

Harry twisted out of Snape's hold, his breathing having sped up dramatically.

'I haven't … I mean I haven't seen him yet, have I?'

Snape just stared for a moment, then he reached out and felt Harry's forehead. 'You're fine.' He said loosing patience. 'Quit you're rambling. Now I'm going to be out tonight too, I don't know what time I'll be back. It should be before you but don't be surprised if it's not.'

'Okay.' Harry said, having got himself under control. As he glanced in the mirror again Harry realised just what Snape had been doing to his hair. He wasn't making it stay flat, as there was no need for that now. He had made it stick up so now his hair was … spiky.

After a while he came to the conclusion that he quite like it.

'I'll apparate you to The Three Broomsticks as I will be going there anyway and the boys will meet you there. You can floo yourself back. Try to have fun, remember you are no longer Harry Potter.' Snape said.

'Shame that I've still got the scar then, isn't it?'

Snape looked at Harry's forehead and then smacked himself on the forehead. 'Idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot.'

'Hey, who are you calling an idiot?' Harry asked.

'Me.'

'Oh, well that's okay then.' Harry replied.

'Merlin's beard, I was about to send you off with a fucking lightning bolt on you forehead. What was I thinking?'

'You weren't obviously.' Harry drawled.

'Shut it you.' Snape said in an almost playful tone. 'Now what can I use? I don't think any of those would work, not with a magical signature. I could try…'

Snape was now rambling to himself and so Harry slipped away from the mirror and went to sat down on the couch before his legs gave out from nerves. He had to get used to being slightly taller. The couch took further to get to.

It was a few minutes later that Snape came back in with a tube of a creamy substance in his hand.

Harry went to stand up. 'Sit down.' Snape said when Harry was halfway to his feet. He let himself fall back to the couch again as Snape came to kneel down in front of him.

Snape squeezed some of the cream substance onto his fingers and then lifted up Harry's forehead and started dabbing the stuff across his scar. It felt cold and slightly uncomfortable.

'What is it?' Harry asked, trying to keep still.

'It's concealer.' Snape replied.

'But that's—'

'Muggle stuff? Yes.'

'I was going to say girl stuff but now I think about it how come you've got muggle make-up?'

'Well as I am just showing you now, you never know when it may come in handy. Now stay still.'

Harry did as he was told.

'Okay, that should do. Come on or we'll be late.' Snape said leading the way out of the house.

'You Occluding?' He asked sternly.

'Yes.' Harry said, feeling a bit irritated. Snape should know that it was second nature to him now.

It seemed like a surprisingly short time to Harry until they were at the end of the road and Snape once again pulled Harry towards him and apparated them both away.

Harry stumbled and fell before he realised where he was. Once he had got up and brushed himself down he found that he was in a dark alley in Hogsmead.

'Why did you apparate us here?' Harry asked, looking around the damp, dank smelling alley.

'Because I can't show my face around here?' Snape replied, looking around worriedly. 'Now go on. The Three Broomsticks are just round the corner.'

'Okay.' Harry said, suddenly sounding nervous again. He went to run his hand through his hair and then remembered that he was unable to in its spiky form.

Snape pushed him slightly to set him going and Harry started moving. He looked back at Snape once who was just watching him and then he turned round the corner into the street.

Snape had been right. The Three Broomsticks was directly in front of him and Harry hesitated briefly before reaching his hand out and opening the door.

The noisy chatter hit him as he stepped into the crowded pub and he had to quickly dodge as a beer glass flew across the room just in front of him.

'Fuck off!' Came the angry shout of the person Harry assumed had thrown the glass. Then a big strapping teenager pushed roughly passed Harry as he made his way to the door.

Harry looked around to see who had been the recipient of the glass but the group of guys that were there were now chatting away to each other again as if nothing had happened and Harry saw the beer glass lying on its side on the floor completely intact. _Unbreakable charms,_ he thought to himself.

'Harry, over here.' Harry turned to find Steven and Martin waving at him from one of the tables in the corner. He wandered over, weary of other glasses being thrown, or any other object for that matter.

'Do you want a drink before we move on.' Steven asked as Harry more or less threw himself into a chair.

'Why not.' Harry agreed readily.

Steven called Madam Rosmerta over and without even consulting with Harry ordered three firewhiskeys. Harry didn't mind.

They drank quickly the other two boys wanting to get to the club as soon as possible. They were telling Harry all about it in a way they thought made it sound good.

'It's kinda like anything goes you see and they cater for all tastes.' Steven was saying.

'And they always have different girls on the podium each night but unfortunately they're only for show, if you know what I mean.' Martin carried on waving his arms around theatrically.

Harry didn't know how to react so he just nodded and smiled.

After the drinks were gone the three of them got up and made their way towards the floo, which was in a little room off the bar.

'Hold on,' Steven said. 'Here's your ticket. You need to throw that in first before it will let you through.'

Steven handed Harry a silky textured ticket made from material Harry had never encountered before which shimmered in the light. He saw that as he moved it the ticket actually changed colour although always keeping a silvery sheen. Written across the middle was the glittering word 'INVINCIBLE'.

'Okay.' Harry replied. 'Do I say Invincible when I go through?'

'No need.' Martin said. 'Once the ticket is thrown the floo will know where to take you.'

'Okay.' Harry said again nervously. He had no idea what he was getting himself into but knew there was no way of getting himself out of it.

Steven went first and Martin then told Harry to go next. He threw his ticket in which set the fireplace alight with silver glitter before it turned green again.

'Quickly, now.' Martin said, giving Harry a small shove that sent Harry tumbling into the green flames and before he could blink he was spinning round so fast he no longer knew where he had come from or where he was going. Then he was spat back out onto a cold marble floor, which sent it all back to him.

He found himself in a small antechamber decorated with splendid gold statues and lining. Steven was grinning at him and a second later Martin came tumbling through. It was nice to know that Harry wasn't the only one to make an entrance like that.

As soon as he had picked himself up he was grinning just like Steven. 'I have been waiting for this for so long, come on.'

With that he led them both out into a corridor with some black double doors at the end of it. The word Invincible flashing on and off as they approached.

Harry's heart was in his throat as Steven reached for the black handle but it was nothing to where it went once the door was opened- straight to his groan.

His first thought was that there were people actually having _sex_ on the dance floor before his thoughts widened and his eyes wandered. He had to admit that the place was beautiful. High elegant ceiling, three floors, six podiums where young girls were gyrating in different states of undress, benches and tables all around the outside of the giant sparkling dance floor that was full to the brim with people, all of whom left nothing to the imagination in the way the dressed or groped each other. The lights were obviously magically as they swirled and shifted and changed colour so rapidly they reminded Harry of silent fireworks. The music was also from the wizarding world, it was very loud and reminded Harry of muggle heavy metal. He recognised the song that was playing although he wasn't sure where from or if he even liked it. There was also a bar that ran round the entire outside of the club.

After they had decided Harry had had his fill the two boys made their way to the bar, with Harry stumbling behind them, blushing furiously.

Steven ordered more firewhiskey for them all as well as a big pitcher of what Harry assumed was the magical world's example of beer. They made their way towards an empty table, Steven pinching a girls arse as he passed her. She squealed in shock at first but then turned round and winked it him. He raised his eyebrows back at her, as they more or less had sex with their eyes alone.

'Come on mate, there's time enough for that later.' Martin said, dragging Steven away to their table before someone else could get to it. Harry gratefully sat down and tried to get his breathing under control. Steven passed Harry his firewhiskey and Harry took three long swallows. Both boys laughed at this.

'Great, isn't it?' Martin asked.

'Uh, yeah. I suppose.' Harry said, taking some more swallows.

'Here,' Steven said. 'I've got something for you.' With that he fished into his pocket and came out with a packet of muggle cigarettes, 'Silk Cut' to be exact. 'It doesn't take an auror to see that you don't particularly like the wizarding ones so I thought you might feel more at home with these.'

'Uh, thanks.' Harry said, not knowing what else to say.

But instead of giving Harry the pack Steven opened it up and took out a cigarette, then took out one of his own as well. He lit them both with the same swipe of his wand and then gave the muggle one to Harry. He took it with a shaking hand, smiling weakly and proceeded to take a pretend puff.

It was only a few minutes later that Steven seemed to get restless. 'Come on, lets go dance, shag some girls and the like.' He said as he got up, puffing on his cigarette 

Martin laughed and went to follow. 'Coming Harry?' He asked.

'Uh…' Harry wavered but by the time he turned back to them they had both already walked off.

Harry was debating about whether to follow when a shadow fell across him and the body of a young woman blocked his path.

'Hi Harry.' She said. 'Leaning in towards him. Harry instinctively backed up a few steps until he found himself pressed against the wall with Lily-Anne directly in front of him.

'Hi Lily-Anne. Listen, I was just gonna go…'

But she didn't seem to be listening as she only leaned in closer making sure he couldn't escape. She took the still smoking cigarette out of his hand and took a long drag of it, exhaling the smoke in his face. This time Harry couldn't help but cough.

Lily-Anne laughed. 'You look so cute like that.' She said in a giggly voice then she inhaled again but this time turned her head away when she blew the smoke out.

Harry was at least grateful for that. He always felt very uncomfortable around this girl.

'So.' She said in a lustful voice. 'Here we both are, alone at last.'

Harry pointedly looked behind her at the packed club.

Lily-Anne caught his look. 'You know what I mean.' She said, waving her hand dismissively at the other people.

Harry really didn't.

'They're all in their own little worlds as well.' She carried on. 'No one will notice us.'

Then she leaned in and kissed him, shoving her tongue in his mouth without any warning.

Harry didn't know what to do. He had to admit that she was a good kisser but also felt a sense of revulsion at kissing her back. So he just stood there, leaning against the wall, letting her plunder his mouth but not responding back to her.

It took her a few minutes to realise this and once she did she stopped and pulled away. 'What is wrong with you?' She said, giving him a strange look. 'You don't seem to be enjoying this.'

Harry didn't mean to say it, really he didn't. It just came out.

'You'd probably need to get me really drunk first.'

As soon as it had come out he wished it hadn't. Especially when he saw the look appear on Lily-Anne's face. He had hoped she might have not realised what he had meant but as she pulled away and a closed look appeared on her face he could tell she knew exactly what he had meant.

'Oh.' An ugly look appeared on her face. 'You don't like me?'

'No, sorry I didn't mean that.' He shook his head trying to think of how to get himself out of this mess.

'So what exactly did you mean then?' She still had him pinned between her body and the wall and showed no signs of letting up.

'Um…' His brain was muddled and he felt like he already was drunk.

Lily-Anne didn't give him any more time to explain as with a resounding whack she slapped him across the face. Harry felt his skin rip as her ring cut into his cheek. He winced but didn't move his hand up to cover it, just stood there, watching her with a surprising amount of calm in his manner.

They looked straight into each other's eyes for a few seconds until, with a flick of her hair, she turned and flounced away in a way that reminded Harry of Fleur. Only then did he allow himself to put a hand over his stinging cheek.

He sat back down at the table and grabbed a tissue to put on his cheek. His eyes felt watery from all the different kinds of smoke and his ears were now numb to the music that seemed to be now pumping in his brain.

He wanted to go home.

A few minutes into his brooding a shadow fell across him and he turned to find Blaise Zabini sliding into the seat opposite him.

'Hiya Harry.' He said pleasantly.

Harry just sat there with his mouth open, shocked that Zabini had chosen to sit and talk to him.

Finally he found his voice. 'Hey.'

'You enjoying yourself?' He asked cheerfully but Harry could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew Harry was nowhere near enjoying himself.

Harry contented himself with a shrug as Blaise leant over to grab the pack of muggle cigarettes that were in front of him.

'These yours?' He asked. Harry nodded as, technically, they had been given to him. 'I used to smoke these.' He said in fond remembrance. 'Of course I stopped when I went to Hogwarts for obvious reasons.' He took one out and lit it with his wand, breathing in the smoke with a sigh of contentment.

Harry didn't know what to say so just kept quiet.

'Who are you here with?' Blaise asked, obviously trying to draw Harry into conversation.

arrhhhh

'Oh, two boys I met when I was at Nott's party a few days ago. Why weren't you there?'

Blaise actually looked quite saddened for a minute and then just looked resigned. 'I suppose I should have expected that. You **are** a Gryffindor.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Harry asked, feeling he was being insulted.

'Just that all Gryffindors automatically think that all Slytherins are mini-deatheaters.'

'Oh.' Harry actually felt quite ashamed of himself. 'I didn't mean—'

'It's all right Harry. Like I said, I should have expected it.'

'So … you're not … I mean your parents aren't…'

'No, they're not.' Blaise said. 'Don't get me wrong, they agree with the Dark Lord's policies, just not his methods. But because we never opposed him and just stayed neutral he left our family alone. Best thing you can do really.'

'But don't you want to pick a side. Stick up for what you believe?'

'I probably would do if there was something I believed in passionately but to tell the truth I don't really agree with the Dark Lord or the Headmaster. And I certainly don't agree with fudge.'

Harry laughed. 'Yeah I don't either.'

'But what side exactly are you on now, Harry? I mean you chose a side (or had it chosen for you) and now you have moved to the other side.'

'But again I've and that chosen for me. I have never been able to make my own choices in life.'

'And if you were able to, what side would you have chosen?'

Harry stayed silent.

'Ha!' Blaise responded.

He sat and smoked quietly, once he was finished he crushed out the cigarette and stood up. 'Come on, I'll show you a good time.' He said to Harry.

Harry looked at him suspiciously. 'What?'

'I mean it. You think you could never have fun here but there are some places people don't know about and I am going to show you.'

Despite himself Harry was curious. Slowly he got up and followed Blaise towards the very back of the club where the toilets were. Just before the men's toilets there was a door with a sign on saying 'No Admittance. Authorised Personnel Only.' Blaise opened it and stepped through with Harry tentatively following.

To say Harry was shocked at what he saw would be a bit of an understatement. It was true he had never been to a muggle club before but he had an idea of what they would be like- a little bit like this.

There was a small dance floor with brightly coloured squares on it, with lights and disco balls shimmering above it. He recognised the music too.

'Build me up buttercup?' Harry breathed in disbelief.

'Yep, muggle songs. You gotta love 'em.' Blaise was by now grinning from ear to ear.

Harry was nothing short of amazed. There were raised platforms all around with podium dancers strutting their stuff, just with more clothes on and round the outside of the dance floor there were 80's style tables and chairs and comfy looking couches.

'Come on.' Blaise called behind him and started making his way onto the dance floor. Harry followed.

As Blaise started dancing Harry just stood there looking awkward, occasionally leaning from one foot to the other.

'Come on Harry, don't tell me you don't know how to dance.' Blaise said mockingly.

'I don't like dancing.' Was Harry's mumbled reply.

But despite himself, as the music changed to a Grease medley then to Brown Eyed Girl then to Staying Alive, he felt himself letting go a bit and actually started to move his feet rather than shuffle awkwardly. Blaise was by now smiling at him smugly but Harry had ceased to care anymore.

It was during Wake Me Up Before You Go Go that he felt someone slip their arms around his waist from behind.

He turned round in shock only to find himself staring into some very familiar deep brown eyes.'

'Ginny!' He said in surprise.

She in turn let go and stepped back wearily. 'How do you know who I am?' She asked suspiciously.

Harry swore under his breath. He had forgotten that he didn't look like himself any longer. She had no idea who he was.

'Oh.' He said, trying to think quickly. 'I've been told about the Weasleys. Everyone knows the Weasleys have red hair and seeing as there is only one girl I would assume that would be you, unless you're just a cross-dresser.'

Ginny laughed. 'And what have you been told about me then?' She said coyly, twirling a finger in her hair

It came to Harry then that she was flirting with him and from the deep thumping of his heart he realised that he was hurt by that. He was hurt that she was so easily flirting with another man, well as far as she knew anyway.

'That you are by far the prettiest girl Hogwarts have ever seen.' Harry found himself flirting back. 'So much so that even the Slytherins would have a go if they thought no-one was watching.'

'Hence.' Ginny spread her arms, indicating where she was and why.

Harry felt another bolt of pain deep in his chest at this obvious admission from the youngest Weasley. How often had she been coming here? Did she come here while they were going out?

'I assume then that you are also a Slytherin.' Ginny carried on. 'I don't recognise you from school.'

'Oh, I've just moved here.' Harry said confidently. 'But I'm sure I will be a Slytherin, as I'm sure you should have been.'

'Yes, a few people have said that. Come on, lets not stand in the middle of the dance floor.' Ginny started roughly pushing past people to get to one of the bars, with Harry trailing behind muttering hasty apologies to people she had shoved a bit too hard.

'What would you like?' Harry felt he had to ask.

'Oh, no.' Ginny said, wagging her finger. 'I always buy my own drink. I once had someone say I only go out with boys to get them to buy stuff for me.'

Harry winced. 'Ooh, harsh.' Ginny nodded. Harry knew he was treading on dangerous territory but he felt himself asking anyway. 'Didn't you use to go out with Harry Potter?'

Ginny nodded, hurt in her eyes. 'Yeah, that was until he went off to save the world without a backward glance, without a single letter to me to even tell me he's alive. Well fuck him. I obviously meant that little to him didn't I?' Ginny turned away from him and called out over the bar. 'Oi! Are you gonna serve us or what?'

The man gave her a withering look but still sauntered over.

Harry didn't reply to her but he felt his heart swell. Yes Ginny had insulted him and yes she seemed to despise him at the moment but only because she thought he had deserted her. She obviously still liked him and was only going with other guys because she was angry. Harry couldn't help but feel happy about that.

'What will it be?' The barman asked.

'I'll have a Flamin' Dragon.' She said pointing to one of the cocktails. 'And…' She turned back towards Harry. 'You know I'm at a slight disadvantage seeing as you know my name but I don't know yours.'

Harry stared. Shit! He hadn't thought of that. What name was he supposed to give? Should he just make one up or would Snape have already thought of one for him.

'Um…'

'There you are.'

Harry heaved a sigh of relief. Saved by the Blaise.

Blaise looked suspiciously at Ginny and then grabbed Harry roughly by the shoulder, squeezing a bit too hard for Harry's liking.

'What are you doing here, Weaslette?' Blaise asked spitefully.

'What?' Ginny said, shrugging her shoulders. 'It's a free country. I was just talking to your friend here.' She motioned towards Harry.

'Well don't.' Blaise spat at her. 'He doesn't want to be associated with the likes of you.'

'I think he can decide that for hims—'

'Hey, do you two want to order something or not?' The barman asked, getting irritated.

'No.' Blaise said firmly. 'He doesn't.' And with that he grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him out of his seat and away from the bar.

As soon as they were far enough away Blaise turned Harry round to face him and grabbed his shoulders. 'What the hell did you think you were doing? Do you want to get yourself killed?'

'What are you talking about?' Harry asked, trying to wriggle out of his grip.

'Associating with her. If anyone could recognise you she would and then your whole cover would be blown.'

'Oh, calm down, you're acting like Severus. I look completely different—'

'But you still have the same mannerisms, the way you talk, walk. I mean the person you've been intimate with would notice these things. What were you going to do, have sex with her again and hope she wouldn't get a feeling of De Ja Vu?'

'I haven't had sex with her.' Harry mumbled.

'You…' Blaise stopped and looked at Harry for a moment incredulously. 'You haven't had sex with her? Are you mad? Merlin she is so hot I'd have had sex with her if I thought no one would find out. Are you completely and utterly crazy?'

Harry couldn't help chuckling at the way Blaise looked. 'I don't know, we just never got that far in our relationship.'

Never got that far?' Blaise still had that incredulous look. 'You don't even need to be in a relationship to fuck her. Believe me, she wouldn't say no.'

Harry felt that tightness in his chest again. He wanted to be angry at what Blaise had said but in his heart he knew it was probably true. Had he been dating a slut? The hurt started coiling around his gut again.

'Come on, lets get out of here.' Blaise said.

Harry nodded. He felt he had never heard a better idea in his life.

Back out on the main floor again it took Harry a while to adjust to the difference in lighting. Once he did his mind was again assaulted by the scenes of sex and nudity as it had before. Only now he felt himself getting hard watching it, something that hadn't happened before, maybe because he was too nervous for that certain part of his anatomy to realise just what it was seeing.

Harry shifted about, feeling slightly uncomfortable although he realised he probably fitted in more now then he did before.

'I'd better go find my friends.' He said to Blaise. 'They'll probably be wondering where I am.'

'All right. I'll see you soon, yeah?'

'Yeah, ok.' Harry mumbled as he started off.

'And stay away from that Weasel.' Blaise called back to him. 'She's more trouble than she's worth.'

Harry just nodded and walked away as quickly as possible.

It was only a few minutes later but Harry had already been pinched on the arse three times, had someone grope his crotch, from which his dick was still trying to calm down, and again been tongued in the ear. Yet he still hadn't found Martin or Steven.

'Harry, where the fuck have you been?'

Harry spun round to find both boys standing behind him, hands on the hips. He had to stifle a laugh at the thought that they looked very like Mrs Weasley in that position.

'Sorry I…' Harry shrugged, not sure what else to say and not wanting to tell them about the muggle room.

'Have you been with some girl?' Steven asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

'Well yeah, sort of.' Harry replied, thinking of Ginny.

'So you fucked.' Martin said excitedly.

'Well, uh. No.' Harry coughed uncomfortably. 'No, we didn't get round to it.'

'Oh well there's always next time eh?' Martin said.

'Next time?'

'Well of course. But next time we're keeping a much closer eye on you.'

'Joy.' Harry muttered.

The three of them made their way out of the club to the floo room. Harry had no idea what time it was but knew that it was very late. He tried to stifle a yawn but didn't quite manage it.

Steven saw and smirked at him. 'Lightweight.' He muttered under his breath.

'I heard that.' Harry said, nudging him.

They parted ways when they arrived at the Three Broomsticks and Harry had never been so grateful for magical means of travel as he only had floo back to Spinners End and collapse onto bed.

This is exactly what he did even though he knew he needed a shower. He decided he would have plenty of time to do that in the morning and only really had enough energy to throw off his clothes and scramble under the covers.

In doing so he noticed that Snape was not back yet and in his befuddled mind thought how depressing it was that he was back earlier than his father was.

_A/N: This stupid thing won't let me type in the link to Cambiare Podentes at the moment and I've given up for now. I will get it to you though, I promise._

_Also any thoughts on a new name for Harry?_


	16. Into The Sanke Pit

Chapter 16 – Into the Snake Pit 

Snape was handing out sweets. Harry wasn't entirely sure why but it was end of term and apparently Snape had decided to treat them all for their hard work throughout the year. Harry got a droobles bubble gum and some ton tongue toffees, which he secretly swapped for Ron's sugar quill when he wasn't looking.

_Harry had got an O for his last assignment that Snape had just given back to them and Snape had commended him on it out loud to the whole class. Malfoy was scowling at Harry and Snape both, then he crumpled his assignment up into a little ball and tried to throw it at Harry but Snape caught him. He took twenty points off Slytherin and assigned him detention._

_Snape then declared happily to the class that there would be no homework over the holidays. It was at that point that Harry knew that he was dreaming._

He had no idea why it had taken him so long to realise.

----------

Harry was lying across the couch engrossed in a book when Snape came in through the front door. Harry looked up sharply but stopped himself from saying something along the lines of 'Where the hell have you been?'

'Hello.' He just said coldly and went back to his book.

'Hello yourself.' Snape said. Striding past him and into his bedroom.

Harry just shrugged.

About ten minutes later Snape came back out again, freshly showered and changed. He went straight into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee and only then did he come and sit down in the chair opposite Harry.

'Did you know that in the early 1900's there was a teacher here called Mr Flipperty?' Harry asked looking up from his book.

'Yes. I too have read that book. He was a charms teacher, was he not?'

'Yes and apparently he only lasted two years as he couldn't take all the teasing from his students.'

'There are worse names than that.' Snape said, yawning.

'Where have you been then?' Harry couldn't help asking.

'None of your business.' Snape replied.

Harry wanted to ask more but felt it wasn't the best idea. Snape didn't seem to be in the best of moods.

'I had a dream where you were handing out sweets to the class.' He said instead. He didn't know why he was saying it, what would Snape care about a silly dream he had.

'What kind of sweets?' Snape asked, actually sounding interested.

Harry smiled. 'Wizarding sweets. It would have been funnier if you had been handing out muggle ones though. I could just imagine you handing out cola bottles and liquorice allsorts.'

'What and what?' Snape asked.

'Never mind.' Harry said, smiling. He went back to his book as Snape got up to peruse the bookshelf.

'These yours?' Snape asked, picking something up from the table. 'You should have said you preferred muggle cigarettes, I would have got some for you.'

'Oh, those.' Harry said, craning his neck to see what Snape was talking about. 'No, I don't like them either, even less actually. But I was given them and … well they were got especially for me so I felt a bit rude saying no.'

Snape laughed. 'Only you could think something like that. Well these are going in the bin then. I've never liked the muggle stuff, they have all sorts of shit in them you don't want to be putting into your body.'

'Oh, and the wizarding ones don't?' Harry asked curiously.

Snape shrugged. 'Well they're better than muggle ones anyway, at least for wizards and witches.' Snape smiled, Harry thought a bit sadistically. 'If a muggle was to smoke them though…'

Harry got the feeling Snape was trying his hardest not to cackle.

Snape took a heavy book from the top shelf and laid it on the coffee table. It was black with silver lining and had absolutely nothing written on the cover. Harry looked at it in curiosity but as Snape had already gone off into the kitchen to make some coffee Harry decided it wouldn't hurt to have a quick peek at it. As soon as he had done so he put it down again in a huff. It was written in another language where even the letters weren't English.

A few minutes later Snape came back in with a cup of coffee in tow. He took one look at the position of his book and sent a sharp glance at Harry. He sat down opposite him and picked the book up.

'Did you find it interesting?' He asked, eyebrows raised.

'Oh yes.' Harry replied with as much conviction as he could. 'Very informative.'

Snape grunted but Harry could see a smile trying to form on his face. Harry settled back against the couch and looked at Snape appraisingly.

'What?' Snape asked, sensing the eyes on him.

'Oh.' Harry jumped. 'Um, yes, there was something I wanted to ask you.'

'Ask away.' Snape said, still with his nose in his book.

Harry coughed a few times. 'Yes, well, um, while I was at the club a situation came up and I wasn't quite sure what to say.'

'Continue.' Snape said. He was obviously getting interested now as he put his book down.

'Well Blaise Zabini came up to me and we started chatting.' Snape only showed his slight surprise by the raising of one eyebrow. 'He showed me this room they had inside the club which was a muggle room.'

'What do you mean, a muggle room?' Snape asked, confused.

'I mean it was a room that played muggle music and it was set out like a muggle nightclub. I much preferred it actually.'

'Don't be ridiculous. As if there would be a muggle room of all things at a club like Invincible.'

'There was.' Harry insisted. 'I saw it. I was in it for most of the evening. It was through a door that said Authorised Personnel Only.'

'Then why did you go through it?' Snape asked, scepticism written all over his face.

'I was just following Blaise, he led me through it. I think it's supposed to be a secret place, only certain people know about it. I don't think either Martin or Steven knew about it.'

'I bet they didn't. If it's true- and I'm still finding that hard to believe- then I expect most of the people who go there don't know about it or they would stop going.'

'Blaise knew about it.'

'Obviously, which is slightly surprising but not overly so. I think a lot of his attitude is an act.'

'Can I ask you something?'

'I thought you were already about to do that.' Snape said.

'Oh yes.' Harry blushed. 'But this is something else?'

'Yes?'

'Um, how many people know who I really am. Is it just Death Eaters and their children or all Slytherins or what? 'Cause Blaise isn't a death eater and neither are his parents but he knows.'

'Yes but then Zabini is friends with a lot of Death Eaters, he hangs out in that crowd. Suffice it to say that those who know are trusted to keep their mouths shut and those who don't are not. So don't go talking about it with anyone, including Slytherins, unless you know for certain that they already know about you.'

'Sounds complicated.' Harry yawned.

'So what was it you wanted to ask about this muggle part of the club then.' Snape asked.

'Oh it wasn't about the room itself it's more about the person I met there and what she asked me.'

'Who did you meet?' Snape asked suspiciously.

'Oh, um, I kind of bumped into, uh, _Ginny_.' The last word came out as only little more than a whisper.

'What?' Snape asked.

'Um, Ginny. I saw Ginny.'

Harry waited for the explosion to come but it never did. Instead the corner of Snape's mouth turned up into the start of a smile.

'You're kidding me?' He asked.

'N-no.' Harry said, confused at Snape's lack of anger. 'She was in the muggle part, but she didn't recognise me.'

'Ginny Weasley was in … Invincible?'

'Yes.' Harry said, starting to get irritated that Snape seemed disbelieving of everything he was saying.

Snape sat back against the couch, running one finger along his lips, which were still made up into that half smile. 'Well that girl is full of surprises.'

'She apparently goes there a lot.' Harry said, trying to gage Snape's reaction.

'You certainly pick your girlfriends don't you?'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Harry asked, getting angry himself.

'Only that she is more Slytherin than I realised. But she didn't recognise you, right?' Snape asked, voice getting serious.

'No. But she was talking to me and started asking me questions, you know like where I come from and my name. I didn't know what to say.'

'So what, you just said nothing?'

'Well no, Blaise dragged me away. He was quite angry actually, reminded me a lot of you.'

'In what way?' Now Snape was properly smiling.

'Oh, just saying how she might recognise me and I'll get myself killed. Blah, blah, blah.'

'I knew there was a reason I liked that boy.' Snape said.

'So, anyway.' Harry said, trying to bring the conversation back to what he wanted to talk about. 'A name. Do you have one for me or can I choose—'

'You can choose up to a point. It has to be a name that I agree with as well.' Snape replied. 'Go away and think about it for a while and come back with a list of first and sir names and I'll see if there are any that I agree with They must be nothing like your name at the moment or anything connected with it.'

'Oh, alright.' Harry was surprised but pleased. He never actually thought that Snape would let him choose his name- to an extent.

It ended up taking Harry a few hours to come up with a list of names that he liked, with lots of crossing outs and starting over. Finally he had a list he liked the look of and was sure Snape would find at least one that he agreed with.

He traipsed back into the lounge only to find that Snape wasn't there anymore. Figuring that he had probably gone to his lab to brew a potion Harry got his book out again and continued reading.

With a small laugh he thought he must be getting like Hermione with the amount of reading he was doing. But then the thought of his friends only depressed him so he quickly went back to his book.

By the time Snape came back into the room Harry was half asleep over his book.

'Looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.' Snape said.

'Looks like you didn't get any sleep last night.' Harry sniped back.

Snape scowled but said nothing more on the subject. Instead his eyes fell on the piece of paper Harry was holding. 'Well, what have you got?'

'Oh, right.' Harry said, holding the piece of paper up and clearing his throat. 'Well I was thinking of Alexander.'

'Why?' Snape asked.

'I don't know, I just like it.'

'Okay, what else.'

'Um, I thought of maybe Justin or Theo.'

'You already have a Justin in your year, and what kind of name is Theo?' Snape shot down both suggestions.

'I don't know, I thought it was kind of cool.'

'What else?'

'William. Will for short.'

'Very mugglish name.'

Harry sighed and looked at his paper again. 'Robin?'

'Robin?' Snape echoed back. 'That's worse than Theo. Next you'll be saying Batman. Where are you getting these names?'

'What about Nick?'

'Ugh.' Was Snape's only reply.

'Okay, the last three names I had were Thomas, Phillip and Matthew but I wasn't too sure about them.'

'Neither am I. Far too common.' Snape said.

'Well in that case you think of one?' Harry said, starting to lose his temper.

'I did want you to choose your own name but you don't seem to have any good taste. Alexander sounds the best so far though, unless you have any other ideas.'

'Well I did have Ashley but I don't like that name any more.'

'Ashley… Ashley… I quite like that name.'

'Well I've just told you I've gone off it.'

'That's quite a good name actually.' Snape said, ignoring Harry. 'What surnames have you got there?'

Harry furrowed his brows in annoyance but started to read the names out. 'Jacobson—'

'Ashley Jacobson.' Snape interrupted before Harry managed to get any further. 'I like that. It sounds slightly mugglish but we don't want a name that sounds like it is from an old wizarding family either. There will be too many questions asked.'

Harry sighed wearily. 'You know, I don't really care anymore.'

'Why do you say that?' Snape asked. Harry thought he detected concern in his eyes but decided he must be mistaken.

'Just that everything else has been taken out of my hands anyway so what does a stupid name matter.'

Snape just stared at him and said nothing.

'If I had my way I'd be searching for the horcruxes with Ron and Hermione.'

'Like I said you wouldn't know where to start.' Snape said. 'And haven't you always been telling me how you hate being the boy who lived. That you didn't like being famous and would rather be someone else. Or was that all an act.'

'I never said I wanted to be someone else.' Harry said angrily. 'I just said that I wanted to be me. Myself. Harry, just Harry.'

With that he stormed off to his room.

An hour later Snape knocked on Harry's door and the let himself in before Harry had the chance to invite him.

'What do you want?' Harry didn't mean it to come out the way he did but he certainly wasn't about to apologise.

'I just wanted to know if you were planning on having any lunch today or if you would rather starve.'

'Oh.' Harry said, slightly chagrined. 'Yeah I'm quite hungry actually.'

'Good, because there are a few things we need to discuss.'

For lunch they had smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels. Something Harry had never tried before but vowed he'd definitely have again.

Snape had again been drumming advise into Harry, in between spurts of 'don't slouch' or 'for Merlin's sake eat like a human being and not a blast-ended screwt.'

Harry had then asked exactly how a blast-ended screwt ate to which Snape quickly changed the subject.

'You don't stand up again until he tells you to. You got that?'

'How about I just don't do anything until he tells me to? How's that?'

'Actually, that's a good start.' Snape replied taking a swig from his pumpkin juice.

Harry had never seen Snape drinking pumpkin juice before and found it mildly amusing. Not that he told the man that.

'But he will expect you to do some things without having to ask.' Snape continued.

'Yes, like bow at his feet when I first get in, I got that. It's not like he has enough of an ego as it is.'

'Actually he's told me in confidence before that he's quite conscious of the way he looks. He thinks his bum is too big.' Snape said nonchalantly.

Harry could only stare at Snape in shock for almost a full minute before Snape couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out laughing.

It only took a few seconds after that to realise that Snape had been making a joke. And a few seconds after that Harry was laughing too.

----------

It was strange, Harry thought to himself while tossing and turning that night, it was less than twenty four hours before he would have to appear in front of the Dark Lord and yet he felt less nervous about it than he did going to Invincible or that dinner party. The thought of that made him shiver.

He got to sleep around about midnight and managed to sleep surprisingly well. In fact he was busy mentally congratulating himself on how well he was handling this as he walked into the kitchen that morning, when he took one look at the scrambled eggs laid out for him and felt like he was going to be sick.

Snape looked at him curiously with a raised eyebrow.

'I can't eat.' Harry said miserably.

Snape shrugged. 'Suit yourself.' He said and then sat down to hungrily devour his eggs.

Harry watched Snape eat his eggs with a passion that Harry normally had but certainly not in the proper way in which Snape would normally eat, and something happened. His stomach rumbled.

'Uh.' Harry said, moving closer to the table. 'Maybe I will have a little bit.'

Snape smirked as Harry sat down and as soon as he saw Harry tucking into his breakfast he slowed down his eating to a sensible rate.

Harry scowled at the realisation that Snape had been eating that way on purpose to try and get Harry to develop an appetite.

'Smarmy git.' Harry mumbled around his eggs.

It was raining. Harry could hear it pounding on the roof and his mood plummeted even further. He helped Snape to wash up and then started looking around for something to do. He couldn't go out and fly on his broom as it was pouring with rain but that was the only thing that he could think of that would cheer him up.

After about an hour of moping around Snape came across him rummaging in the fridge for lack of anything else to do.

'I do not allow my children to snack between meals just because they are bored. That is why there are so many obese children.

It was lucky that Harry had not actually been eating at that point as he would have surely spat it out at the mention of 'my children' coming form Snape's mouth. Harry didn't comment on that though as they had already had conversations about them not feeling like father and son. So instead he just closed the fridge and turned around guiltily.

'I wasn't looking for something to eat I just felt a bit hot you know, and needed to cool down.'

'Of course you did.' Snape said in a sickly sweet voice. 'How about a game of chess instead?'

'But you always win.' Harry pouted.

'Well it wouldn't be any fun if I let you win either, would it?'

'No.' Harry said sulkily. 'But how about we play something else like gobstones?'

'If you wish.' Snape replied.

----------

Snape won.

Harry went into a sulk.

A few hours after that they left. It was still pouring with rain. Harry still felt sick. He was trying to memorise the fist 50 cheats in his quidditch book to try take his mind off where he was heading.

Number 22- Quaffle beating: Where the quaffle is made to look like a bludger. This is best done when the opposite team are about to get the quaffle. It needs to be done at around the same time as a bludger is near so as to not look too suspicious. If done properly the opposing team will then be speeding as far away from the quaffle as they can leaving you to—

'Grab hold of me. I will be apparating us to the hillside near to the meeting place.'

Snape's voice interrupted his thoughts. Harry shook his head to bring his concentration back to reality and grabbed hold of Snape's arm. The world around him dissolved and he found himself on his stomach on a grassy hill.

'Come on, get up. We can't be late.' Snape said impatiently.

Harry got up. 'Would he be any worse than you are when I'm late for your class?'

'Well I doubt he would take points or give you a detention.' Snape joked. Harry was glad that Snape was still in the mood to joke, it helped him to keep calm.

'To tell the truth I don't know what he'd do with you.' Snape continued as the kept walking. 'With anyone else he would give them a round of crucio but I think he has a slightly different method for dealing with you. After all you are Harry Potter.'

'Oh, really. I thought my name was Ashley Jacobson, coming to Hogwarts for my last year to take my newts.'

Snape didn't reply but just looked straight ahead. They were coming up to a cave of all things. For the first time Harry could see that Snape was also nervous, he could see it in the way he held himself so stiffly.

They continued in silence. As they neared the cave though Harry was struck by a memory, a memory of force-feeding an old man some green liquid that seemed to cause him immense pain. He had to swallow bile at the realisation that he would be meeting the person to blame for that. How he wished he could take out his wand and curse him.

As they entered the cave their world was shrouded in darkness but it didn't last long. Torches started illuminating the place as they passed them. They seemed to walk for a long time and soon Harry's mind switched off. All he could hear were his and Snape's footsteps and the dripping of water all around him as drops splashed onto the cave floor.

After about twenty minutes they cam to what appeared to be a dead end but Snape kept on walking until he was standing face to face with the cave wall. He then took out his wand and Harry watched in wonder as Snape tapped a portion of the wall twice with his wand and incanted something in Latin that Harry had never heard of.

Harry expected a door to appear or for the wall to grind back or to the side to show an entrance. Instead the wall just disappeared. It was the most disconcerting thing Harry had ever seen. One moment the wall was there and the next it was gone. They walked forward into an anti-chamber and Harry was just about to ask how much longer it was before they arrived when Snape stopped dead in front of him. Harry just had the time to side step him and was about to open his mouth again when he glanced movement out of the corner of his eye.

Harry fortunately realised quite quickly that his mouth was hanging open and quickly closed it again. Voldemort was standing in the middle of this empty chamber in the depths of a cave on a deserted hillside, smirking at Harry as if Christmas had come early. At least that is what Harry assumed Voldemort was doing but his lipless mouth made it hard for him to read the expression.

Harry would have been standing there for hours if Snape hadn't given him a little push forward. Harry finally got his feet moving and averted his eyes from the man in front of him quickly. He stepped forward nervously, trying not to trip. As he got closer he began to realise that his scar no longer hurt and he couldn't figure out if this was a good or bad thing.

He remembered to keep his eyes averted at all times and didn't stop until he could see the end of Voldemort's robes right below him. His heart was beating so loud he doubted he would be able to hear Voldemort speak over the noise.

He gulped loudly and the slowly lowered himself to the ground, picked up the hem of the Dark lord's robes and brought them to his mouth. He knew he made quite a sloppy show of kissing them but he couldn't muster up enough to care about that right now.

He stayed as he was in a low bow, teetering on the edge of his feet with his eyes fixed on the floor, and waited.

'Harry, stand up.' That was Voldemort.

Harry did so.

Voldemort started to walk around Harry, looking at him from all sides. Harry made a point of keeping as still as possible. His heart felt like it had finally got itself under some control but he could still feel it beating painfully loud.

'Well, I see Severus has been treating you well. I do hope the two of you have got on.'

'Each others nerves, yes.' Shit, he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Voldemort laughed which Harry was relieved about. He seemed to feel his whole body give a huge sigh of relief. He didn't know how he could do it be he started to relax slightly.

'Yes, I see you've been having fun with this one Severus.'

Snape only grunted.

'Seriously Harry, how has he been treating you?'

Harry glanced up slightly at Snape but he was only looking at Voldemort with a slightly curious expression.

'_Um, fine. Really.' _Harry replied, not quite sure what Voldemort was getting at.

Then Voldemort did the strangest thing. He laughed. _'You have no idea, do you?' _He said, still with humour in his voice.

Harry could tell he was missing something but was still not sure what. _No idea .. about what?'_

'_Tell me Harry. How is it that you can converse in another language and not know you are even doing it.'_

Harry felt a sudden jerk in his stomach, not that unlike the feeling of a portkey, at the realisation that he and Voldemort had been having a conversation in parseltongue. He looked back at Snape but he still had that curious expression and he could now see also looked slightly confused.

Harry couldn't help then but smirk slightly. _'So I can say anything I like about Severus and he won't know about it?'_

It was now Voldemort's turn to smirk, at least as much as he can do with his snake-like face. _'Precisely Harry. What is it you would like to tell me?'_

----------

AN: Sorry this took so long, I have no excuses I can be bothered to write. Virtual cookies to anyone who can tell me where I got the different first names from for Harry.

_This was sent out in quite a hurry as I know you have all been waiting a long time, so sorry if there are some mistakes in it. If anyone wants to be a beta reader for me let me know._


	17. A Conversation

Walking In Shadows Chapter 17 – A Conversation

Truth be told Harry was a bit at a loss for what to say. I mean what do you tell probably the most evil creature in the world about probably the most unpleasant man in the world who just happens to be your father?

He knew what he would like to say.

'Hmm, well he always beats me at chess, he offered me a lolly for being a good little boy, he likes Star Wars, he loved it when I had a go at Lucius Malfoy, he is a surprisingly good cook but he's still a snarky git. Oh, and he encourages me to drink, smoke and have casual sex.'

Okay, so he said that out loud. He didn't mean to, really he didn't.

The man in front him however seemed to find this funny. He was actually smirking (if you could call it a smirk), and then burst into high pitched laughter. Harry wasn't quite sure whether this was a good thing or not.

Voldemort got himself under control very quickly and then turned to Snape. 'Excuse us a moment Severus, I would like to talk to your son alone.'

Snape bowed slightly in acceptance. Like he could do anything else, Harry thought. If Voldemort wanted something no one would ever dare disagree.

Voldemort turned back to Harry. Come. He hissed as he swept away towards a door at the far end of the chamber, his robes were even billowing a bit like Snape's did. Harry wandered if he had been taking lessons.

With one final, almost longing look at Snape Harry also turned and followed Voldemort.

As he walked through the door into the next chamber his eyes widened in astonishment at what he saw. He had to admit that this was more like what he had expected instead of some empty cave. This room was decorated in green, silver and blue. He didn't quite know what the blue was for but it was a nice colour. In fact the look and feel of the room was a bit like the Gryffindor common room, except for the colour. There was a cosy fireplace and comfortable looking couches and chairs.

Great. Harry thought. I am going to have a lovely little chat with the Dark Lord on a comfy little couch by the fire. How cosy!

And that is just what was happening as Voldemort waved towards the couch by the fire, inviting Harry to sit down.

Fuck.

Harry sat down. There didn't seem to be much of a choice. Fortunately Voldemort chose not to sit next to him and instead sat in the arm chair opposite- but still to close for comfort.

Voldemort leaned forward in what might have been a fatherly way if it were anyone else. His snake-like eyes were boring into him as if he was trying to read his mind, which of course he well could be. Harry had the a disturbing idea that Voldemort would start piling Harry with tea and biscuits and then offer him a lemon drop.

Of course he did none of these.

'Now I want us both to be as frank and truthful as we can be about this Harry. I know you don't feel comfortable around me and of course I'm not surprised. In truth I don't feel truly comfortable around you either.'

Harry's eyebrow rose in surprise. 'Why?' He rasped out. He was finding it increasingly hard to find his voice.

'Because I have spent all of my time since my resurrection, and before that actually, trying to kill you. It is slightly difficult now to understand that you are now bound to serve me. For both of us.'

Harry nodded. He didn't know what else to do or what to say. He was terrified that he would say something that would give him away.

'You don't feel the need to serve me yet, do you Harry?'

Harry remembered Snape saying that the bond is very weak at first so felt he could agree with that statement.

He nodded. 'I don't feel the need or the wish to. You killed my parents. However,' he felt he had to add something Voldemort would find positive. 'I do feel the urge to obey my father. In fact I find it almost impossible not to do as he says.'

'Yes, that is to be expected. The bond between father and son is the most important one and it is the one I will be using with you anyway.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Harry said harshly. Forgetting who he was talking to for a moment.

'It means that if I wish you to do something for me I will be able to go to Severus and ask him to … encourage you to do so, at least for now. Soon I expect you to serve me directly but for now this is the best way to go about things.

Harry looked down at his hands, eyes blazing, but did not trust himself to speak yet.

'You think that's quite ruthless, don't you?' Voldemort asked.

Harry just nodded.

'It's not like I would ask you to do anything that would make our relationship any more frosty then it already is. I would not ask you to harm your friends, or anyone for that matter. Not only would there be no point in that I don't suppose even your father would be able to make you do it as it is so against your nature.'

Harry remembered Snape saying something like that to him right at the beginning. It seemed so long ago but was actually less then two weeks before. It seemed difficult now for Harry to actually remember what life was like for him before. It wasn't like it was carefree for him but it certainly seemed like it was now.

'In fact,' Voldemort continued. 'To put your mind at rest for now I will even tell you what I have been asking your father to do.'

At that Harry's head snapped up. 'Yeah, what?'

'All I have asked is that you become well acquainted with the other children. That is why he told you that you had to go out with them and why we both expect you to do so again even though I know you did not feel comfortable there. I want you to feel comfortable around them and the places they like to go.'

Harry didn't know what to say to that. He admitted to himself that he could be asking for a lot worse… but still. 'Why?' He felt the need to ask.

'Because they will teach you everything you need to know without even meaning to. You will learn how to act, what is expected of you and what we all do and why.'

Harry let out a sigh and leaned back against the couch. He wanted to scream out at him that he would never understand what they do, that he would never join him and that at his first opportunity he would kill him. He had to then concentrate on occluding his mind as he felt his rage take over and didn't want Voldemort sensing that.

Even so Voldemort seemed to sense something. 'I can tell how you're feeling. You don't want any of that, do you?' He didn't let Harry answer but he assumed it was meant as a rhetorical question anyway. 'I don't blame you. From what you've been told you probably think we rape and kill people for fun, don't you? I'm sure you think I get off on torture and pain.'

Harry wanted to say something then but knew that whatever would come out of his mouth would be a mistake.

'Well let me tell you,' Voldemort continued. 'If that is the case why did I use Avadra Kedavra on your parents? Why did I not instead use the bone breaking curse or incendio them from the inside or brutally rape your mother before killing her?'

Harry felt like he was about to throw up at any minute. Did Voldemort actually think he was reassuring him?

'I didn't do any of that because I am not that kind of person.'

To Harry, Voldemort wasn't any kind of person.

'This is war, Harry. And death is inevitable in war. Your parents and I were fighting on different sides that's all.'

Harry had to think about what to say to that. Voldemort kept quiet so Harry assumed that he was waiting for a response.

'But it is a war that you started.' Harry said, trying to sound merely diplomatic and not accusing. 'You don't like muggles and muggle-borns even though there is nothing wrong with them. You are waging a war on them for no reason. It is like Hitlar, starting a world war because he wanted power and take over the world. It doesn't make it right.'

'You think I want to take over the world?' Voldemort asked.

'You obviously like power… and immortality.'

'You obviously don't know me well at all. I did not wage war at all, just like that muggle Hitlar didn't either. It was actually your Muggle Prime Minister that declared war on him, not the other way round. It is the same with me.'

'But if he hadn't done, then Hitlar would have carried on trying to take over the world.'

'And probably would have succeeded.' Voldemort said. 'Whatever else you may say about him he was a clever man. But what you have just said only proves my point that war is sometimes needed, to sort out disagreements and the like.'

'Have you never heard of discussions?'

Voldemort laughed again. 'Discussions? When has anyone been able to discuss anything and come to an agreement. The way I see it if two people disagree over something, that is never going to change. What matters is who wins in the end.'

'But Hitlar persecuted the Jews for no reason. He did terrible things to them and in fact to any other minority group. How is that right?'

'First of all he personally did nothing of the sort. One man on his own can't get very far. They may be able to kill a few people before they get caught but to kill hundreds of thousands you need an army behind you.'

'Like your Death Eaters?'

'Yes, I suppose so, if not for the fact that most of them are a bunch of incompetents. Your father is one of the few exceptions to that, a very clever man. You could learn lots from him.'

Harry made a non-committal sound from the back of his throat but otherwise stayed quiet.

'But my war is slightly different.' Voldemort continued. 'It is much more diplomatic then his. I actually have solid reasons for disliking muggles and unlike him I don't want to kill them all, I will only do so if there is no other choice. I just want to ensure that our blood-lines keep going because at the moment it is being polluted by muggles so much that we are getting more and more squibs. Soon, if nothing is done the magic community will cease to exist and why should we allow this, we are more superior.'

Harry was about to comment but Voldemort held up his hand to stop him.

'I am not saying this Harry, because of my over-inflated ego or anything of the sort, only because it is true. You must see this yourself. We have magic and they don't. We have power that they could never imagine, we could do so much more with our lives then they ever could. And the worst part of it all is we have to keep this all secret from them because otherwise they will fear us and try to kill us like they have done previously. Why should **we** hide from **them?'**

Unfortunately Harry knew that Voldemort had a small point, just look at his own relatives. However there were so many flaws in what he had just said and Harry was about to pick them apart.

'First of all it is true that we can do so much more then they can but is that in a good or bad way? We can change the world for the better but we could also tear it apart of we wanted to. We have more power then them, which means that we could kill them much easier then they can kill us. Maybe they only fear us because there is something to fear. To me it is like a human muggle kicking a puppy about. That dog can't defend itself and that makes it all the more cruel to me. When you pick on someone smaller and weaker then yourself it is a cowardly thing to do and my first instinct would be to help protect them because I feel they need it.

'Secondly you are generalising anyway by saying thay all fear us and would kill us if they could. Out of all the muggles in the world I bet there are only a few of them who actually think that and it is not right to persecute all of them for the few idiots there are around. Most people would probably just be jealous as they would love to be magical- actually I think that might be my aunts problem. But most of them would probably be very excited and interested.

'And want us to cure this and fix that for them. They wouldn't leave us alone.' Voldemort interrupted. 'All I have been trying to do is explain my reasons for my beliefs, which although you may not agree with I am sure you can at least understand. Yes, not all muggles are like that but there are a lot more around that are then you think. I'd of thought you of all people would know that, having been brought up the way you have.'

Harry shrugged. 'I do not judge all muggles on my relatives. I have met a lot in my time and the only ones to have treated me badly because of who I am are my aunt and uncle but I will not punish everyone else because of their small-mindedness and ignorance. I am bigger than that.'

'Ah.' Voldemort said slyly. 'You will not be getting to me that way. I have met a lot of muggles like your aunt and uncle and I am not even surprised, it is to be expected. Have you seen the X Men?'

Harry had to pretend to cough to cover up what might have either been a laugh or a choke. 'The X Men? No I haven't but I've heard of it.'

'Well, and I am assuming you will not divulge to your father that I sometimes have a tendancy to watch muggle films.' Voldemort said.

It was said in a joking way but Harry could still sense the underlying threat in it. He shook his head.

'Good.' Voldemort continued. 'Well the X-Men is the prime example of what would happen if all the muggles knew about us. In this film there were people who wanted to kill the mutants because they were scared of them and they almost succeeded. It only needs a few people to mount an attack you know.'

'Yes I do. Harry replied. 'First hand. It works both ways. Weren't the mutants also trying to kill the non-mutants?'

'Yes and maybe they had the right idea. Kill them before they kill us. They wanted all the mutants to be registered and controlled. Can you imagine if you had some muggle controlling when you can and cannot use your magic?'

Harry actually couldn't imagine that but still involuntarily shivered at the thought.

'Because that is the type of thing that would happen if we were to let ourselves be known to them and try to live in harmony.' Voldemort continued.

'How?' Harry asked. 'How exactly would that happen if, as you say we are more powerful than them and can do things better than them?'

'That is the whole point.' Voldemort said, banging his fist on the table in front of them. 'It would only happen if we let them. If we decide to try and live with them in peace and harmony they will not have it. We need to empower them, let them know that we are in charge and then they can't rebel.

'What, do you mean have them as some sort of slaves? That is when they will want to rebel. They are still people and will not like being told what to do. If you want them to leave us alone then we need to leave them alone.'

'How naive you are, Harry.'

Harry shuddered. He didn't know why but he disliked Voldemort calling him by his first name. It was just wrong.

'They will try and control us just like they try to control everything around them. Because that's what they're like.'

'I think you may be mixing them up with yourselves there.' Harry said. 'But this was my third point. Who is to say who is the more powerful or better then the other? Muggles have come up with some amazing things. The technology they have invented is still leaving us in the dark ages and all because we are too high and mighty to admit that they may do some things better then us and want to use them, like electricity. There are some things that wands just can't do. On top of that there are some muggle-borns that are not only more intelligent then pure-bloods but who are more powerful too and better in magic. But that is something you would never admit to.'

'Ah, by that I assume you are talking about Hermione Granger.' Voldemort said. At that Harry shut up even though he had more to say. 'See I do admit it. Yes she is the cleverist girl in your year. Either that or it is just that she spends all her life in the library and has no social life.'

Harry's mouth was now opening and closing like a fish.

'Yes Draco tells me a lot about her. He is a very competative boy and hates it when she beats him. He doesn't have that problem any more. And of course your father has a lot to say about her but he only refers to her as the 'annoying little know-it-all' or when he's in a really bad mood as the 'fucking self-righteous twit.'

At that Harry completely lost it. He wasn't sure what he was going to do until he did it as there were so many conflicting emotions in his head. First of course was indignant rage against Snape for one of his friends, another was the absurdity of Voldemort swearing and the third was just the hilarity of the situation.

Unfortunately it was the latter that came out as Harry slid off the couch in fits of uncontrollable giggles.

--

Fortunately Voldemort did not seem to mind.

'I'm glad you find that funny. I think that you are starting to see that we are not monsters.' Voldemort was saying.

Not likely. Harry thought.

'We don't kill for fun, only when we have to.' He carried on.

'I'm sure Bellatrix wouldn't agree.' Harry said.

'Well unfortunately Bellatrix is a little insane.'

Harry had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing yet again. What made it worse was that this was not funny in the slightest. Bellatrix Lestrange tortured Neville's parents to insanity. In fact you couldn't really find a less funny subject if you tried. But still … the way Voldemort said it, as if it was an unfortunate side effect but nothing big, just struck Harry as amusing.

'And you don't mind that?' He asked.

'I will admit that sometimes she may go a bit too far but she gets results and sometimes you need people like that.'

'What? People who torture for fun? I thought you said that you don't do that.'

'You know I'm getting quite tired of this now Harry. In fact you are really starting to irritate me.'

But Harry couldn't stop himself now if he tried. Because Voldemort had really irritated him too. For the last half hour he had been speaking a load of bollocks. Voldemort didn't mind his followers inflicting all kinds of pain on people and he didn't mind inflicting all kind of pain on his followers. There was something very wrong with that.

Harry knew that Voldemort wasn't exactly sane himself. To torture your enemies was bad enough but to torture your own people, and for the slightest thing, was too much. Not that Harry cared about the Death Eaters, in fact he wondered why there were still so many of them considering the way they were treated. But of course he knew the answer to that: fear! Harry was sure that Hitler never made his men bow at his feet. But then maybe he did.

Harry did actually try to keep his mouth shut but unfortunately for the last week or so he seemed to have had no control over it at all.

'What are you going to do?' He said. 'Torture me?'


	18. Blackpool

**Chapter 18 – Blackpool**

About five minutes later Harry and Voldemort came back into the main chamber where Snape was waiting. Or at least Voldemort walked back in and Harry shuffled slowly in behind him with his head down.

Before they had got even half way across the room Voldemort called across the room. 'Severus! I think we need to have a chat about your son.'

Harry cringed as Snape turned round to glare at him but then turned back to Voldemort and bowed slightly in acknowledgement.

Voldemort gave Harry a none too friendly shove further into the room. 'You stay there. Severus, follow me.'

Voldemort turned back around with a flourish, expecting Snape to follow him, his robes billowed out behind him very much like Snape's did. Harry wondered for a moment if this was where Snape had got this from but then remembered just how much trouble he was probably in and slid down the wall of the chamber to sit on the ground with his head in his hands.

Harry heard the door close but did not look up, even though he knew he was alone now. He just sat, huddled up with his legs pulled right up against his chest, very aware of his own shallow breathing as it was the only noise he could hear in the room and it echoed around the narrow chamber.

What had he just done?

If Voldemort didn't kill him then Snape certainly would. After everything they had been through, all the effort Snape had gone to to ensure that Harry knew the appropriate way to act around the Dark Lord, he had to go and say something so amazingly stupid. No matter how much Voldemort patronised, irritated and lied to him Harry knew he should never have said what he did. He had crossed a line big time and Snape would be so disappointed in him.

Harry's head snapped up at the realisation.

Snape would be disappointed in him.

Harry's breathing finally slowed and evened out a little as he stared up at the damp ceiling. He could now hear the drip dripping of water not far off and the clinking sound as it hit the floor and dispersed. He rested his head back against the wall as he thought about this new development.

It wasn't the thought that Snape would be disappointed with him that had got to him. Merlin knows this would not have been the first time that this had happened. No, what got to him was the way this made him feel. Knowing that Snape would be disappointed in him made him feel … guilty? Upset? Sad?

He couldn't quite work out his feelings but all he knew was that he had never really had someone to feel disappointed in him when he did something wrong. No one had cared about him enough, in that way anyway, to feel that Harry had let them down at all.

Okay, so there was that one time with Professor Lupin when he found out Harry had sneaked into Hogsmead when he was not supposed to in third year, but that was the closest to this feeling he had ever come to. Sirius was always too much of a child himself and would actively encourage Harry to do things most parents would think of as irresponsible.

Mrs Weasely also tried to make Harry feel a part of the family but it was clear there was something holding her back from really treating him that way. She had sent a howler to Ron about stealing the car in second year but nothing to Harry even though he had been as much a part of it. It was as if telling Harry off would have been crossing some unspoken line about how you treat your children's friends. And Harry knew that was really what he was to her.

Did he care about what Snape thought of him that much? Did he really think of Snape as his father? Someone who could show pride or disappointment in him like a parent normally does. And most importantly did he care if Snape felt these things about him?

The door slammed open, hitting the wall with such force that it almost slammed back shut again, if it wasn't for the fact that Snape had got in its way and was now striding menacingly towards Harry.

Harry scrambled up as fast as he could and turned fearfully towards his father. He saw Voldemort exiting behind him out of the corner of his eye but was too intent on Snape to take much notice. Snape looked as if he was going to murder him!

Snape strode straight over to him, lips pressed in a firm line, as if he knew he would say something he would later regret if he spoke. Although he never meant to Harry started instinctively backing away but before he had got very far Snape grabbed his arm and yanked him forwards with such force Harry thought he might dislocate his shoulder.

Harry knew better then to speak and let Snape drag him out of the cave, making sure not to look at Voldemort as he was dragged past him.

Harry had hoped that this might have all been an act for Voldemort's sake but when Snape did not release or lessen the hold on his hand as he marched them back up the hill Harry had to concede that Snape was truly angry. In fact he doubted he had ever seen Snape this angry before and that included the time Harry had invaded his memories. That time Snape had thrown a glass jar at him. This time did not bear thinking about.

As things normally do when you want time to slow down, it sped up and in no time Harry found himself at the top of Spinners End after the not so sickening apparition. Harry assumed that it was probably because he was too focused on what Snape would do to him to realise he was apparating until it was done.

Then Snape let go of his arm at the same time as pushing him roughly away from him.

'Stupid, foolish boy.' He muttered as he pushed past him and started off down the hill. Harry had no other option but to follow.

The front door of the house slammed open of its own accord as Snape walked up to it and he strode through, not even checking that Harry was following. Of course he knew that he was following.

Get into your room. I will come in a minute.' Snape said as he went into his room, again not checking if Harry was doing as he was told.

Harry walked sullenly into his room. It felt like Snape was grounding him, something Harry would never have thought would happen, as it was a very muggle thing to do. He sat on the bed nervously, running his hands through his hair for lack of anything else to do with them.

He didn't have to wait long but when Harry saw what Snape was carrying he wished it had been longer, much longer. Before Harry had a chance to react, Snape grabbed him again, pushed him back down onto the bed face-down and brandished his whip as if ready to strike.

'Ten lashes should do it. I'm sure you'll have learnt your lesson by then.' Snape's voice was emotionless.

Harry couldn't help but start hyperventilating again but knew better then to move from his position. He just buried his head more into the pillow trying to unsuccessfully calm his breathing. But when he felt the whip moving towards him he could not help but whimper pitifully and started choking through lack of air.

He felt the crack the whip made as it reached its target but realised he felt no pain. He stayed in his position for about a minute but no further sound or movement came and he finally turned his head to look up at Snape.

Snape however wasn't looking at him. The whip was hanging loosely in his left hand and he was staring vaguely in the direction of the fire but not really looking like he was seeing anything.

'S-sir?' Harry finally got up the courage to speak.

'When are you going to start calling me Severus?' Snape said, still not looking at him.

'What?' Harry's breathing was finally slowing now and he propped his head up with his hand to get a better look at Snape, although he still never sat up.

'You know you don't have to call me Sir here and I also know you still think of me as Snape. I want you to get out of the habit of thinking of me as your teacher and more like a mentor.'

Harry was very confused. 'Well you were about to whip me. What did you expect?'

Snape let out a strangled kind of laugh as if he was trying to keep himself from going hysterical and then finally turned to look at Harry. 'What did you have to do that for?'

'I'm sorry.' Harry repeated. It was all he could think of to say.

Snape—no, Severus sat down on the edge of the bed next to Harry but still did not say anything. They both stared at anything but each other.

Finally Severus sighed and looked back at Harry. 'I am going to have to whip you. The Dark Lord asks of it. I have to punish you and this is the punishment he chooses.' Severus stopped but Harry knew he wasn't finished yet so stayed quiet and waited.

'He told me to do ten lashes and he will want to see the marks. Not only that but he may want to look at the memory of it also which was why I was just going to go ahead and do it without telling you anything so that it would look as real as possible. But when you started … well … getting a bit overexcited I couldn't go through with it.'

Harry tried to hold in a laugh. 'Overexcited? I've never heard it put that way before.'

Severus nodded, still looking like he was in a daze. 'But I just wanted you to know that although I have to do this, it would not be my choice of punishment. I am extremely angry with you. After all our preparation I can't believe …'

'I know, I just—'

'It doesn't matter now. Just know that I will be punishing you in my own way as well.'

'But—'

'But what?' Severus said testily.

'Nothing.'

'Good. I don't want you to think of this as a punishment, think of it more as another lesson on pain.'

'A lesson in pain? I can't. I mean the whip is so painful I—'

'It is no more painful than cruciatus, probably even less so.' Severus countered. 'It is only that you are used to crucio now and can block the pain. You can learn to do this with the whip just as easily.'

'Yes, I know.' Harry said, but it didn't make him feel any better.

'I want you to find your white room again and float away in it like you do with the cruciatus.'

'But won't the Dark Lord be expecting me to scream?'

'No, not particularly.' Severus replied. 'I don't scream when he inflicts pain on me and I can tell that he respects me for that. I am sure that not only will he also respect you for it but he will expect me to teach you.'

Harry nodded.

Severus sighed and looked around the room for a while, as if deep in thought. 'I think we will just do it as before, that would be best. I will drag you into the room, chuck you on the bed and then just do it.'

'But can't you just feed him a false memory.' Harry asked.

'I could, but it is always better and less dangerous if I don't have to. I never feed him a false memory, I just shut away the ones I don't want him to see.'

'Fine. Let's get it over with.' Harry said more bravely then he felt.

Severus made sure that Harry was already occluding as best he could and then seemed to easily get into character as he dragged Harry into the room and threw him onto the bed. It was actually quite scary to see how easily Severus could change his whole demeanour so easily and it was very disconcerting so Harry gave the two personas different names to separate them. This harsh, brutal one was Snape, while the other, more gentle one was now Severus.

Snape was so quick with the whip that Harry didn't have much time to prepare but that may have been a good thing so there was less anticipation. He was already occluding and, after the first stroke, which was too painful to stop the choked scream, managed to push the pain away. He felt it in the recesses of his mind but managed not to think of it. Why could he not have known how to do this the first time it happened?

He lost count of the number of times he was whipped but it fortunately seemed to be over quite quickly. When he came back into himself though, Harry was wracked with pain as it all came to him in a brutal strike. He was about to scream at the fire that seemed to be rippling across his back when he felt something cold and smooth being rubbed into the fire to calm it. Harry took a deep weary breath and let the cool cream do its work.

Unfortunately something else was happening though, something Harry had no control over no matter how much he tried. He wasn't quite sure what it was but knew that finally his mind was telling him it had been through too much.

When Severus was finished Harry heard him walk across the room and deposit the cream back in a cupboard but he didn't roll back over. He couldn't.

'Harry?' He finally heard. 'Are you alright?'

When Harry still didn't move Severus came over and rolled him over himself to find tears streaming down his face in a never-ending cycle.

'What? It doesn't still hurt does it?'

Harry shook his head but still did not speak.

Finally Severus pulled Harry up into a sitting position and then sat down beside him on the bed. Severus didn't make any move to comfort him but that was all right with Harry as he didn't think he could handle Severus trying to hug him. He doubted he would be any good at it anyway.

'I'm sorry.' Harry finally said. 'I don't know what's come over me.'

'Idiocy?' Severus said. 'Oh no. That's a constant problem of yours.'

'Oh shut up.' Harry replied, but with no real venom in his voice. 'I just…' Harry had to stop there as he really thought he might start crying again.

He waited a few minutes until he got himself under control and Severus kept quiet and waited with him.

'I think I've just realised.'

'Realised what?' Severus asked.

'How much my life is fucked up. I mean I knew that before of course but I think I just pretended that it all wasn't happening. That I was just at your place over the summer while you helped me train and then, you know, I would go back to Hogwarts and be with my friends and everything would go back to normal.'

Harry stopped and sniffed a few times, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

Then I met him and said one of the stupidest things I could imagine and now I see that this is not a game and that I can't pretend anymore. We could both have been killed. We still could. I can't deal with any of this, I just can't and … I shouldn't have to.'

Harry stopped and realised with embarrassment that he was crying again but could only turn his face away from Severus as if that would ensure he would not see.

Severus didn't say or do anything at first and Harry just waited for the assault to start. Then he decided he could not deal with Severus turning back into Snape again and cut him off as he was about to speak.

'I know what you're going to say. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself, the world doesn't revolve around you and blah, blah blah." But I really don't need that at the moment okay, so just save it.'

Harry turned back to look at Severus then but he was looking away from Harry, towards the door.

'I wasn't going to say anything like that.' Severus said, still looking away. 'But at the same time I have nothing else to say. I can't make this all go away and I'm not going to pretend that I can. I thought you had accepted it but I guess that was asking too much as you did seem to accept it rather too quickly and I should have realised.'

Severus stopped and sighed. He got up and started towards the door. 'It's late and you need to get some sleep but tomorrow after breakfast I'll show that things do not have to be as bad as you think they are.'

What—'

'Tomorrow.' Severus said again from the doorway. Then he left.

-------------

'Pancakes?'

'Yes, why?'

'Nothing, just that we've never had them for breakfast before.'

Harry sat down and pulled a dish full of pancakes towards him, grabbed the jug of maple syrup and proceeded to drown the pancakes in it.

Severus watched with ill concealed disgust and then went back to cutting his pancake up into little pieces.

Harry saw all of this and smirked at Severus, not caring in the least anymore what he thought of his table manners.

'Feeling better I see.' Severus remarked.

Harry just shrugged. 'I just want to know what we are doing today, you seemed so secretive about it yesterday.'

'That was partly because I wasn't quite sure what we were going to do but I know now.'

'Well?' Harry asked.

'Well, finish your breakfast.' Severus replied and smirked.

Harry didn't think he had ever eaten so quickly and was sure he would have indigestion because of it.

'It would serve you right.' Severus had replied when Harry mentioned this.

Harry then rushed off to take a shower even though he would have rather skipped it just now. He didn't know what had come over him. Only last night he felt as if his world was coming to an end and this morning he was almost jumping up and down in excitement like a child, wanting to know what his surprise was.

Harry then went skidding out into the hallway only for Severus to tell him to go back and get a jumper as it may get windy.

When Harry came back out, this time a little more reserved, Severus had sneered at his Weasley jumper but wisely kept silent. Harry found it hard to keep quiet himself, seeing Severus dressed in muggle clothes, even if they were black.

Harry still couldn't keep the excitement at bay as he wrenched the front door open in his haste to get going, even though he still did not know where that was. He was just about to step out when Severus grabbed him by his jumper from behind and dragged him back away from the door.

'You are not occluding.' He hissed dangerously.

Harry gulped guiltily when he realised that Severus was right. 'Sorry.' He squeaked.

'You can not let your guard down for a second.' He said. 'You share a deep bond with the Dark Lord and don't you ever forget that. No matter that it is not a strong as the other children's are. Do not underestimated how much control the Dark Lord has over that scar of yours.'

Harry nodded mutely, all excitement gone for now. Severus made sure that Harry was indeed occluding this time and then shoved him none to nicely out the door before following.

They walked up the hill in silence and once they had reached the top of the road Severus took hold of Harry tightly before he apparated them both away.

Harry didn't fall this time and he didn't even feel that sick but he did notice a strange texture under his feet and almost fell over when he realised what it was. He looked down to see that he was standing on Sand, in fact he realised as he looked around him that they were on a beach. Or at least they were standing underneath a peer on a beach. You had to make sure you apparated to somewhere that muggles couldn't see.

'Wow.' Was the only thing Harry could manage to say.

'Yes indeed.' Severus said, looking around haughtily. They walked out from under the peer into the bright sunshine. The beach was fairly busy, with sun loungers everywhere and lots of people in the shallows of the water, with a few people further out at sea.

'Do you know where we are?' Severus asked.

Harry turned towards Severus and tried not to laugh at the picture he made, standing on a sunny beach, dressed all in black. If Ron and Hermione could have seen this they would think it was a hoax. Severus and beaches just did not seem to go.

'Um.' He started trying to remember what Severus had asked him. 'Oh, yeah. Are we in Brighton?'

'No Harry, Brighton does not have sand, it has shingles.' Severus said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

'Well I don't know do I? It's not as if my relatives ever took me on holidays to the beach is it? I had to stay at Mrs Figgs, looking at pictures of her many cats while they went off all over the country.'

'But surely you recognise that tower over there.' Severus said pointing to a tall structure near the other end of the beach.

'Well of course I do. It's … uh … um … it's …'

'For Merlin's sake it's Blackpool Tower. We are in Blackpool.'

'Blackpool.' Harry repeated under his breath as he tipped his face up to the sky and closed his eyes to let the sun warm him.

'Anyway there is this awful muggle theme park I'm sure you'll want to go to somewhere around here, although for the life of me I don't know what you'll get out of it you can't get from flying on your broom but …'

Harry however was tuning him out. With his eyes still closed he focused on the heat of the sun and the sounds all around him. He could hear birds overhead, people laughing, children screaming and the smell of the sea and fast food. It was a wonderful sensation and for the first time since this whole mess started Harry let himself smile, really smile.


	19. Numbers

**Chapter 19 – Numbers**

Harry started jumping on the glass with abandon. He could see Severus rolling his eyes to the side of him but at this moment he didn't care. Ever since he had arrived in Blackpool he seemed to have reverted back to the childhood he never had but always wished to.

'You do know that the glass there is just as thick as the rest of this structure and probably a lot safer but I don't see you jumping anywhere else to see if you fall through.' Severus said, sardonically.

'Spoil sport.' Harry said and stuck out his tongue but finally moved off the small square of glass that was part of the floor.

They silently made their way back down the tower and out into the rapidly darkening evening. Harry tried unsuccessfully to hold back a yawn and Severus smirked at him.

'Tired are we?' He asked.

'Maybe.' Harry replied noncommittally. He'd had an amazing time and still didn't want it to end even though he knew that he might fall asleep at any moment. They had spent the whole morning at Pleasure Beach, the theme park, even though Harry had to go on all the rides on his own as Severus had said that he wouldn't been seen dead on any of these things. Harry secretly thought that Severus was just a big scaredy cat but wisely never said it out loud.

Then they'd had lunch at a cheap burger place and Harry had to hide his smirk while watching Severus trying to stomach eating his cheeseburger. Harry ate his with gusto as he had never been allowed one when he was out with his relatives, which had not been very often anyway.

Then Harry had sulked when he realised he was too big to be allowed to go on a donkey ride, probably the only time in the world that he had been too big for something. He had been worried he would be too small to go on some of the rides at Pleasure Beach.

'I think we will have dinner and then go back.' Severus said, looking at Harry clinically. 'Although there is a disco at the end of the peer we could go to if you really wanted.'

Harry could hear the distaste in his voice as Severus had said the word disco and really wanted to say yes just to see the reaction he would get but in the end he could not be bothered and just shook his head.

----------

That night after dinner Harry found himself standing before the mirror, as he had been doing most nights since they broke through the glamour. This was not through vanity though, far from it. Some of the time he felt disgusted by the way he looked and even now was pressing his finger to his nose in the hopes that he could push it in a bit to make it smaller. But most of the time it was to check his eye colour again just in case he should find the colour changed back to green.

Of course he knew that this would never happen but this small hope was sometimes all that kept him going. That and the fact that he was taller, and his hair was more manageable. Even he had to admit there were some good things about his changed appearance.

Harry turned away from his reflection and went to have a shower. The day had been great, Harry had to admit that but still he knew that there would be many more not so good days and even after everything that had happened he still didn't think he could handle it all. Having to see Voldemort and pretend he was on his side, having to make friends with the death eater children and go to clubs like Invincible. What he wouldn't give to be somewhere like the Burrow right now.

----------

That morning though Harry was in for another shock.

Severus had breakfast laid out for Harry when he came into the main room and it was quite a breakfast- three different kinds of eggs, toast, pancakes, mushrooms, tomatoes, hash browns, fruit and a selection of cereals. It was all vegetarian surprisingly but Harry certainly didn't mind. He sat down at the table, giving a grunt as greeting to Severus who was sitting opposite him eating a piece of toast, and filled his plate greedily.

When he thought about it later he should have realised something was up straight away, judging purely by the amount of effort Severus had put into the breakfast. Of course he knew that Severus enjoyed cooking but he normally saved that for dinnertime. He hardly ever made a cooked breakfast.

Once they had both finished Harry helped Severus bring the dishes into the kitchen and while Severus set to work washing the plates Harry grabbed a tea towel from the rail and started drying.

Severus glanced over at the little tea towel in disgust, his lips turning down in a grimace. Harry knew this was because of the very muggle way Harry was drying the dishes instead of using a spell but he didn't care. He liked drying in this way, it relaxed him and he was used to doing this anyway.

Neither of them spoke for a while and dishes were done in a couple of minutes. Harry yawned rather loudly as he walked towards the door, vaguely thinking about going to have a shower, when Severus stopped him.

'Harry, we need to have a talk.'

Harry felt his stomach drop like lead. A talk was never a good thing when it came to them. 'Oh, what kind of talk?' He said, trying to keep his voice light.

'Come through to the sitting room.' Severus said and led the way from the kitchen.

There goes my shower. Harry thought ruefully.

Harry settled himself on the sofa while Severus took the armchair. He steepled his fingers under his chin and assessed Harry critically, as if deciding how to go about telling him something that it was obvious he was not going to like.

'We're invited to a party.' He had obviously decided on the direct approach.

Harry looked up at him sharply. 'What kind of party?' He asked sceptically.

'You know, ones with food and drink and music and dancing.' Severus replied as if it were obvious.

'And…' Harry pressed for more information, as he could already tell this wasn't a normal party.

'And death eaters and pole dancers and some quite explicit forms of entertainment as well as a couple of public orgies once everyone is drunk enough.'

'I see.' Harry said for lack of anything else to say. 'And am I to assume this is one of those invitations that we don't really have the option to decline?'

'You assume correct. Think of it as a cross between a much less formal dinner party and a night out at Invincible.'

'That makes me feel loads better.' Harry said dryly. 'Will Voldemort be there?'

'Oh most assuredly. Unlike the dinner parties these are purely for the Dark Lords benefit and he will expect everyone to be there, including the other bonded children, some of which you have yet to meet.'

'Right.' Harry thought for a moment. 'What do you mean by explicit forms of entertainment?'

'All sorts of things.'

'That's very forthcoming, thank you.' Harry said sarcastically. 'Are we talking Sex, torture or something else?' Harry asked.

'May well be all of these things or none of tem. We never know until it happens and I believe that the Dark Lord won't know until then either. He likes to be spontaneous.'

'I thought the Dark Lord didn't do torture or anything like that.' Harry replied.

Severus gave him a sceptical look at that. 'I am sure you know better then to believe anything that comes out of his mouth but I can see that you are thinking along the wrong lines. They don't take a random muggle family off the streets for the fun of it, if that is what you are thinking, although I wouldn't put it past them. As you know the Dark Lord like to punish his followers for the least misdemeanour and he likes to do that publicly.

'And of course you mentioned sex and I am sure you have heard of BDSM. Most of the death eaters are very twisted souls and pain really turns them on. So it could by a type of willing torture if you want to call it that. Of course then there are slightly worse things that are sometimes done at parties but are genuinely left for formal meetings and they are harsher things to make an example of a traitor or someone they were able to catch who has actively apposed them, for example if they were able to capture someone from the Order they would torture them for information.

'However, it is true that the Dark Lord does not torture just for the sake of it. If he doesn't actually want anything from someone but still objects to them in principle he will just kill them outright, but that is usually just because he doesn't like to waste his time. The muggle studies teacher was killed in July, purely for trying to educate people on muggles and what nice people they can be.'

'She was killed? By him?' Harry asked, sounding quite shocked and a little hurt.

'Yes. You didn't know her that well did you?' Severus asked in confusion.

'Well no, I wasn't taught by her or anything.' Harry replied. 'But still, she was a Hogwarts teacher. I saw her in the halls a lot and stuff like that. It's strange to think she won't be there this year.

Severus chuckled but there was no humour in it at all. 'I doubt Hogwarts will be anything like the same as it was last year and I am not talking about the fact that Dumbledore will not be there.'

'What are you talking about then?'

Severus sighed and gave Harry that Assessing look again as if wandering how much he should tell Harry.

'Listen, The Dark Lord is in the Minister pockets. There is probably not may departments left in the ministry that is not under his control already, secretly or not. The school is under control of the ministry. Do I have to spell it out for you any easier?'

'No.' Harry said bitterly.

'Good.' Anyway we are going off subject but I would like to come back to this later as it may well involve me in a capacity you may not have seen before.'

Harry went to say something but Severus cut him off before he had a chance to start by putting his hand up to stall him. 'I said we will discuss it later but I suppose there are a couple of things I can say to you now that will help with your understanding for later.

Harry was intrigued, although he didn't want Severus to think he was overly interested so he shrugged. 'What do you mean?' he said.

'You need to understand some of the things that I have done, am doing and will have to do before the end of this war. Spying to me has become second nature to me but I don't think you realise quite what I have to do. You have seen that I act differently when I am around the other death eaters for obvious reasons and I will have to act differently again at this party.'

'Yes, I understand that.' Harry said.

'The thing is that I don't think you do, not really.' Severus said. 'Maybe I need to tell you a couple things about me even though I can't imagine you would be happy to hear them. But I still think that you need to know.'

Harry nodded but purposely did not look at Severus. 'Okay.' He said, biting his nails.

Severus sighed and then grabbed hold of Harry's hand and yanked it back to his lap. 'Stop that, it's a filthy habit.'

Harry sighed. 'Sorry.' He said but Severus was already on the other side of the room fixing up drinks for them both.

He came back a few minutes later with two firewhiskeys and set them in front of them. Harry picked his up and took a sip but Severus left his untouched.

Severus ran a hand through his hair shakily. 'The best way to do this I think, is to give you some numbers.'

'Numbers?' Harry asked, confused.

'Yes. I think it is the easiest way for you to understand what I have done willingly and what I have had to do for the cause. So that you have no misconceptions about me or my character.'

Harry nodded and took another sip of his drink. Firewhiskey was quite calming for him now, it actually amazed him to think that at one point he found it too strong.

'So lets start with the worst and that would be ten.' Severus said, looking anywhere but at Harry.

'Ten what?' Harry felt very confused but didn't want to say so as he could tell that Severus was finding this very hard, whatever it was.

'Ten is the number of people I have killed. And by that I mean directly killed, pointed my wand at them and uttered the killing curse.'

Harry felt himself shuddering internally but tried very hard to keep his face unreadable, as if they were discussing what to have for dinner. He nodded stiffly.

He could see Severus peek a glance at him from the corner of his eye and then look back at the floor.

'And then I would say about another forty I have been responsible for killing, even if I did not actually do so myself.' Severus paused and took another swift look at Harry. 'And I include your parents in this list.'

Harry coughed slightly to cover his discomfort. This at least was something he already knew. Not trusting his voice he just nodded again.

'Three would be the number of people I have … raped. And again I include your mother in this. And I would say between twenty and twenty five would be the number of people I have tortured or helped to torture.'

Severus was no longer looking at Harry's reaction to what he was saying and had started talking very fast, as if to get it all out of the way. Now he had finished speaking the silence hung in the room like a bad omen and Harry felt like he had to say something just to break the oppressive silence.

'I already knew some of this anyway.' He said, after a while. 'I knew you raped my mother and that was the one thing I couldn't get over for a while.'

Harry swallowed uncomfortably and this time it was his turn to glance at Severus to gage his reaction. Severus was still making it a point not to look at Harry and at this moment was staring up at the ceiling as if in deep thought.

'But I knew you were a true death eater at some point so I shouldn't be surprised at knowing this.' He continued.

'And are you surprised?' Severus asked.

'A little.' Harry nodded his head. He made a mental promise to himself to be as truthful as possible throughout this conversation as he knew that Severus was being truthful himself. No matter how hard it was to say these things.

'Well you should know that some of these things I did were after I turned spy.' Severus said. 'I would say about a third of them were. No matter how difficult I found it I had to keep my cover.'

Harry nodded again. 'Yes, I understand that.'

Severus finally took sip of his drink. 'But I never did really enjoy killing or torture, even when I was a proper death eater. I was just manipulated into believing that I had to do these things for the greater good. That sometimes you have to do things you may not like to get your point across and see change. I'm sure the Dark Lord gave you a variation of this speech when you went to see him before.'

'Oh, yeah, something about how this is a war and unfortunately people die in a war but it is just an unfortunate side effect.'

Severus chuckled again but again there was no humour in it.

'There are a couple more numbers I could give you.' Severus said almost shyly. 'That I think you will be much more happy to hear.'

'Yeah?' Harry asked, finishing of his drink.

'Yes. The first one being fifteen. That is the number of people I have directly saved from death. Sixteen if I can count you in that.'

Harry smiled. 'You can. I do realise how many times you have saved my life, directly and indirectly.'

'Well that brings me onto the last number.' Severus said. 'And that is well over a couple of thousand. The number of people I have indirectly saved from death by passing on information about attacks and other such things. Not to count the number of people I have saved from rapes and tortures. I have to admit that a couple of times, when I thought I could get a way with it I saved some people before I turned spy. Like I said, I never liked torturing and killing people. This is the reason I continue to do what I do, although I don't even think any of it can make up for what I have already done.'

'I do.'

'You would. You're a Gryffindor and you have this saving people thing.'

Harry couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face. 'And you do happen to be my father.'

'Yes, well that doesn't mean anything.'

'I think it's starting to.'

'Well it shouldn't!' Severus got up quickly and turned away from Harry. 'After everything I told you it should make you hate me and I would deserve it. Tomorrow night you will be seeing me in a whole different light and you won't like it. Don't make this harder then it already is.'

'I wasn't trying to, I was just—'

'Well don't!' Severus almost shouted. 'Just … don't.' Then he walked from the room, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

Harry just sat there in stunned silence for a while. This was the side of Snape that he didn't like and the problem was that he never knew when it was going to pop up. Finally he got up and went to his room in search of something to do to take his mind off the things that had been disclosed. He started studying his new books for a while but found that he could not really concentrate on them. Then he caught sight of Hogwarts: An interesting history and his gut clenched.

Hogwarts under control of Voldemort? It made him sick just to think about it.

He finally decided on writing another letter to Ron and Hermione and he knew that he shouldn't have only thought of doing this because he was bored. He knew he was being neglectful of them but it also hurt him too much to think about them too often, knowing that there friendship was effectively over, at least until Voldemort was destroyed. Fucking Voldemort. He has to ruin everything.

He would find a way to make Severus send it later, when he was in a better mood and he vowed that he would start writing to them more, at least as much as Severus would allow as it was now his only method of communication to them and the only way of keeping their friendship alive, no matter how tentative.

There wasn't really a lot that he could say at this moment, not that he was allowed to say anyway.

Dear Ron and Hermione

So I've just come back from Blackpool and you should have seen Severus lying on the beach in his black muggle clothes, people couldn't stop staring at him, he looked so out of place. We went to Blackpool Pleasure Beach, which is a muggle theme park and was great fun, although Severus refused to go on any of the rides so I felt a bit of a loner. I didn't mind though as the Dursleys would always leave me with Mrs Figg when they went on trips so this was a step up.

You will notice that I am calling Severus by his first name now, I really feel we have found some common ground but things have not progressed so far yet that I would start calling him father or dad. I still shiver at that thought.

Both Malfoys are gone so that is some good news but I have to go to a death eater party tomorrow night so they may be there. Apparently these parties are a real rave. The entertainment usually involves naked girls and everyone gets so drunk they start shagging each other.

Talking of shagging did you know that Severus is doing it with Narcissa Malfoy?

Harry finished the letter off and then tore it in half, went out into the living room and threw it in the fire. He had learnt his lesson the last time.

----------

'Will you post this at some point please?' Harry asked Severus as politely as possible, holding out the scroll towards him.

Severus grunted but took the proffered parchment. 'Undoubtedly another piece of prose for your dear little friends.'

Harry chose not to reply to this as he knew it wasn't really needed.

Severus unrolled the scroll and had a quick glance through it before making that grunting noise again and depositing the scroll in one of his robes many pockets. 'If I get the time.' Was all he said before turning around and going back into his lab.

Harry was about to go back into his room when the door of the lab opened again and Severus poked his head back through. 'Also, you spelt dictionary wrong. How ironic!'

_Harry poked his tongue out at the newly closed door._


	20. Alchemist's Thistle

**Chapter 20 – Alchemist's Thistle**

Harry slept fitfully that night, waking up more then once feeling restless, as if he hadn't slept at all and remembering only fragments of what appeared to be a couple of dreams he seemed to have one after the other. The only one of these he still remembered when he finally woke up at a half decent hour in the morning was about a ballroom dance competition that was happening at Durmstrang. It had not been a particularly good dream.

As Harry was having a shower it seemed as if Blackpool was such a long time ago now, it may as well have been another lifetime. Trying to take his mind off what was coming up that evening he had an unsatisfying wank and then quickly got out and dressed in the first clothes that he pulled out the wardrobe, which actually happened to be some nice fitting blue jeans and top Severus had bought him.

Severus was already sitting eating breakfast when Harry came in, his head buried in the Daily Prophet. As Harry walked past he squinted down to have a look at the title of the front page, something about a muggle bridge collapsing that may have been done magically. Harry decided he didn't want to see any more.

Severus grunted a good morning at Harry as he sat down, without removing his head from the newspaper. Harry just ignored it and helped himself to some tea and toast. He watched as every so often Severus's teacup would disappear into the folds of the newspaper and then be set back down again.

When Harry had finished his breakfast he took his stuff into the kitchen to wash and then returned to his bedroom without having seen Severus's face at all. Maybe it was for the best, as he had nothing he wanted to say to him anyway.

Harry didn't see Severus again until later in the evening as he had decided to skip lunch. He felt too sick to eat anything at the moment as he was fretting too much about this party.

He felt like he was being stupid really. In the last two weeks he had moved in with Severus and spent time with both Draco and Lucius Malfoy. Been to a death-eater dinner party, a Slytherin nightclub, and a meeting with the Dark Lord in an underground cave in the middle of nowhere. So how could this party make him feel this nervous all over again?

The other thing that was making him feel sick was how he had started calling Voldemort by the name of The Dark Lord in his head now, like the other death eaters do. That was not good; he was becoming more like his father.

Harry tried to take his mind off it all by engrossing himself in Hogwarts: An Interesting History but could only manage half a page of it. He decided then to go and try and find Severus, purely for lack of anything better to do.

Predictably he was in his potions laboratory, with three different cauldrons on the go, all of them were steaming away and all were a different colour. Harry knocked tentatively on the door and peered round it gingerly. Severus did not look up from the cauldron he was studiously stirring but did acknowledge that Harry was there with a raised eyebrow.

'Um…do you want any help?' Harry stuttered nervously.

Again Severus did not say anything or even look up but he did point to a chopping board and knife with something that looked like pink rose petals scattered over it.

'Crush them. Finely. And don't spill any, they're not cheap. Think you can manage that?'

'Yes.' Harry said sullenly. It's not like Harry had done anything wrong yet so why did he have to speak to him like he did.

Harry got to work crushing the petals which on closer inspection were a lot more solid then normal petals were and were actually a bright orange with hints of purple flecked through them.

'You must be bored out of your brain to voluntarily want to help me with potions.'

Harry shrugged. 'I just had nothing better to do, that's all.'

'Are you still stressing?' Severus asked, glancing at Harry quickly while vigorously stirring a foul smelling purple substance clockwise … or was it anti-clockwise. This was why Harry would never be any good at potions.

'No.' Harry replied as if it were obvious. Then he sighed heavily. 'Yes.' He amended.

Harry heard Severus chuckle slightly even though he had tried to smother it.

'You'll be fine once you're there.' He replied. 'Well…at least if you follow my rules you will be.'

'Thanks.' Harry said sarcastically. 'I feel loads better.'

'Remember.' Severus said sternly. 'It might be difficult for you but try to mingle. Those two friends of yours are all well and good but the Dark Lord will expect you to get to know the other bonded children and he will want you to at least appear as if you're friends with your soon to be dorm mates.'

Harry couldn't help but make a face at that. 'You mean to say I have to be civilised with Nott?'

'Well, for now just try not to rip his face off … or sleep with his girlfriend.'

Harry couldn't help but chuckle at that thought.' Does he even have a girlfriend? I mean who would want to sleep with him?'

'Anyone who would like a piece of his parents considerable wealth.' Severus replied.

'Oh, of course.' Harry said, nodding his head solemnly. 'A very noble reason indeed.'

The way Harry was dressed was very much like the way he was dressed for Invincible, only a bit more … slutty. He didn't know if that was the right word for it but it was all he could come up with. He felt like he was going to a whorehouse, but was the one to be paid rather than doing the paying.

He was wearing leather boots that came up halfway towards his knee, black trousers that were split right down the sides and an almost see-through gold shirt that was only done up half way, exposing most of his chest. His hair was again spiky, with gold highlights on the tips matching his shirt.

Severus had to reassure Harry five or six times already that he would not look out of place and that a lot of people would be exposing even more flesh then him. Harry was still not sure if he believed it.

However when Severus came out of the bathroom after having changed, Harry was in two minds on whether he should breathe a sigh of relief that Severus was dressed the same way or burst out laughing at the sight of his ex-potions master wearing a net as a shirt.

Fortunately Harry managed to curb his laughter.

'I don't feel so exposed now.' He said through his sigh of relief.

'Good.' Severus replied but even Harry could see the slight embarrassment Severus could feel, being seen by Harry looking as he did.

Severus handed Harry a black cloak to put around him and Harry hurriedly did so, feeling so much better as he covered himself up. He could see Severus was doing the same.

'I much preferred the way I was dressed for the dinner party.' Harry mumbled.

'As do I, Harry.' Severus said as he turned for the door, beckoning Harry to follow.

They apparated from the end of the road and appeared in the middle of what looked to be a dense forest, no castle in sight. Harry looked at Severus questioningly but he didn't appear to be forthcoming with any answers so Harry knew better then to ask.

He followed Severus through the forest for what seemed to be almost a mile, tripping on exposed roots and bits of wood every couple of minutes in his nervousness.

'Do I need to give you lessons on how to put one foot in front of the other now as well?' Severus said scathingly.

Harry decided the best course of action was none and bit his lip to keep from answering back. This was not the time to get into an argument with his father.

It was the eighth or ninth time that Harry tripped that he steadied himself on a tree and looked up to see a magnificent white stone castle with turrets on each corner. It obviously was not as impressive as Hogwarts but also not far off.

It had definitely not been there the last time he looked.

Severus noticed Harry's confused look. 'It is charmed to only reveal itself when you step through the wards. And of course you have to be allowed to be let through the wards first and most people are not so they never see it.'

Harry couldn't help but be impressed but soon his trepidation took over and he started stumbling again as he walked even though there was nothing to stumble over any more.

It took about a minute to walk up the winding cobbled driveway, no thestral drawn carriages, Harry thought spitefully really only to try and make himself feel better. They were met by a house elf who was already at the door waiting for them. She was very well dressed and well spoken for an elf and introduced herself as Kookie.

Harry had a bit of a wrestle for his coat with her though as she insisted she take it from him but Harry didn't want to be exposed without it. In the end Snape grabbed the coat off him with a growl and handed it to Kookie himself. If Harry thought house elves could smirk then that was what Kookie was doing. He wanted to stick his tongue out at her but refrained himself.

Severus had to half push Harry from the entrance hall into the main ballroom- apparently there were three of them in this magnificent castle. Harry only then realised he actually had no idea who it was who owned this place. He turned round to ask Severus but never got the chance to as he had just taken in the sight that awaited him in the room that was bigger then the great hall at Hogwarts.

His first thought was that it was not as bad as he had thought it would look- meaning it was a lot more civilised than Invincible was. There was still loud music and people wearing very little clothes dancing erotically but there was also quite a posh looking buffet leading all around the outside of the hall. There were also two magnificent looking chandeliers that drew the eye the moment you stepped into the room.

Severus continued to push Harry forwards and was immediately intercepted by Narcissa Malfoy who hugged Severus like there was no tomorrow. Harry was surprised the Malfoys were even here but he supposed they had to be welcomed back sometime.

'Severus.' Narcissa gushed. 'I'm so glad you're here. Come, I'll get you a drink. Draco has been asking for you since we got here.'

Narcissa started ushering Severus away towards the bar without even a look at Harry the whole time. He may as well have been invisible- which was fine with him.

Fortunately Harry spotted Steven and Martin lazing on the couch over by a large stained-glass window that seemed to depict some kind of bloody war on it. Harry gratefully headed over there, careful to keep his eyes averted from the window.

'Harry.' Steven shouted over enthusiastically as he got up from the couch to say hello.

Harry couldn't help but smile. 'Hey Steven, hi Martin.'

'Hey Harry.' Martin replied. 'Lets get you a drink- Firewhiskey?'

'Sure.'

Martin wandered off to the bar to get Harry's drink and as Harry followed his direction he caught sight of Severus still at the bar, literally surrounded by people. Narcissa was still hanging off his arm as if she thought she might lose him while Mrs Nott was simpering at him from under her eyelashes on the other side of him.

Who would have thought that Professor Snape was such a hit with the ladies? Harry couldn't help but laugh at the thought.

'What's so funny?' Steven asked as he sat back down next to Harry.

'Oh, nothing.' Harry said vaguely. He also noticed Avery and Macnair surrounding Severus plus a couple of others Harry didn't know, although he could have sworn one of them was Pansy's father. He had the same pug face.

'That's my father next to yours.' Steven said. 'The sandy haired one laughing his head off to something that is obviously not funny.' Harry noticed a hint of bitterness in his voice.

Martin was back within a minute with a firewhiskey for Harry. Just as he was about to take a sip he heard an excited shout from across the room.

'Sev!' Draco Malfoy almost launched himself across the room towards the bar where Severus was. No dignity there, Harry thought snidely.

Severus opened his arms to embrace Draco and Harry felt a familiar stab of jealousy that he tried very hard to crush. He had finally accepted the fact that he was jealous of Severus and Draco's close relationship although he would never admit that to anyone. At least now he understood how Draco had always felt about him.

Harry continued to watch as Draco started talking non-stop to Severus in an excited manner, arms waving as he talked. Severus seemed to be listening interestedly and smiled a couple of times. It was obvious to Harry that this wasn't just a one sided thing. Severus cared for Draco a great deal and Harry decided there and then that he would make an effort to get along with Draco better- for Severus's sake.

'Ass-licker.' Martin muttered, glaring at Draco who seemed to be finally winding up his conversation as Narcissa tried to shoo him back to his friends. Obviously wanting Severus to herself.

Finally Draco grudgingly went and Harry saw him meet up again with Nott, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy who were all over in the far corner with enough alcohol between them to start up their own bar had they wanted. So obviously the man Harry had seen had been Pansy's father.

Harry watched them for a full minute while letting Steven and Martins conversation wash around him, and then came to a difficult decision.

'Guys.' He said, interrupting their conversation on the best and worst curses to use on an enemy.

'What is it Harry?' Steven asked. 'You seemed all zoned out there for a minute.'

'Yeah, I was thinking. Listen I think I'm going to go over there.' He said pointing towards Draco and his little group.

He noticed the two shocked and dismayed expressions from the boys but carried on before they could argue. 'Don't get me wrong, I don't want to but I feel like I should try to make an effort. They are in my year at school and as I'm most probably going to be a Slytherin I will be sharing a dorm room with them. Plus I know the Dark Lord wants me to befriend them so I really should.'

Steven and Martin just looked at each other sadly but then Martin shrugged. 'You're right, you do need to do this. What the Dark Lord wants the Dark Lord gets.' Was there bitterness there again? Harry hoped so.

'Plus this is probably the best time to break the ice.' Steven carried on. 'When they're all drunk and stoned!' The three of them had a little chuckle between them.

Harry sighed and, giving a slight half-wave to the other two he started to walk off but then got a slight idea. Turning back to Martin he took his firewhiskey, downed it in one and then asked for something he thought he would never do again.

'Hey, can I have a fag?'

'Sure.' Martin said with some surprise. 'He started digging in his pockets and came up with a pack of Dragons Breath. He took one out and gave it to Harry.

'Thanks Harry replied, putting it in his mouth and lighting it with his wand while trying not to breath any of it in. He still got a load of it and tried his best not to cough.

'Um, I don't mean to sound dumb or anything but is this how you hold it?' He asked, showing the hand holding the cigarette up to the other two boys. He could tell that they were both trying to hold in their laughter at him but just ignored it.

'You may want to act less like it's a bomb that's about to go off but otherwise you're okay.' Martin said.

'Hmph. It may as well be a bomb that's about to go off.' Harry said as he walked away.

Draco was leaning back on a long soft looking couch with Pansy sitting between his legs. She had one hand on his upper thigh and the other expertly holding a glass of alcohol and a cigarette. Crabbe and Goyle were both perched on one of the arms of the couch, their fat bulge spilling over the side, and Nott was sitting on the floor leaning back onto the couch just below where Pansy was sitting, he was smoking as well and looked very bored.

Harry chose his moment well, he came to sit on the other end of the couch from where Crabbe and Goyle was but close to Pansy and blew smoke out of his mouth at the exact moment they all turned to look at him.

All of them looked shocked to see him except for Draco who just smirked at him and eyed his cigarette with a raised eyebrow. Harry belatedly remembered that he had already told Draco that he didn't like smoking when he was staying with them not long ago. So Draco knew that Harry was actually trying to fit in with them but didn't seem to mind. He was just glad that Draco didn't say anything about it.

'What are **you** doing here?' Nott asked, not hiding the malice from his voice.

'Thought I'd get to know my new dorm mates, that's all.' Harry said, taking another pull on his cigarette and smirking in what he hoped was a confident manner. 'Got any firewhiskey?' He asked nodding towards the copious amount of alcohol that was littered all over the couch and floor.

Draco smirked again and nudged Nott with his foot who was glaring daggers at Harry and was obviously about to tell him to 'fuck off', or something close to it. Nott turned and met Draco's eyes and a look of understanding seemed to pass between them before Nott turned back to Harry with a fake friendly smile plastered on his face.

'I've got something better then that.' Nott said slyly, reaching behind him for a small bottle filled with green liquid. He grabbed a clean glass and filled it right up to the top with some of the liquid before holdingit right in front of Harry's nose.

'Go on, try it.' Nott said, holding the green drink enticingly in front of Harry. 'It's called alchemists carduus which is purely Alchemists Thistle in English and it's a very potent spirit.' He said, obviously enjoying the fearful look Harry was trying and failing to hisde.

'In fact to tell you the truth it is rarely used as a spirit as it is too potent and generally only used as a potions ingredient. Will most probably have you on the floor within minutes but lets see how well you cope.' He continued.

By now all five of them were looking at Harry with keen interest, obviously wanting to see what would happen once Harry drank it.

There was no way he could back out now and Harry knew it. So, obviously, did Nott who was smirking all over his face. Harry gingerly took the drink from Nott and wearily went to have a sip. The funny thing was though that from the moment he had put that drink to his mouth to the moment Severus wrenched him up a few hours later to go home, the whole night became a very vague blur.

What he did remember was that first taste where he felt his throat was just going to close up and die on him. It was so strong he literally couldn't pull in the breath to breath for about thirty seconds. Finally when he did exhale, some of the drink seemed to come out of his nose and he started choking because of it. The others all laughed at him as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

For some reason Harry never could fathom he had another, then a third. Then God may know what he did but he certainly didn't. He must have had quite a few cigarettes as well after the first one considering the state his throat was in the couple of times he was conscious enough to notice.

He remembered the six of them laughing uproariously about something that was obviously not funny at all.

He remembered at one point lying across the couch beside Draco with Pansy lying on top of them both, with her head on his chest and her tits digging into his belly button, arousing him no end.

He remembered Voldemort's entrance and somehow coordinating himself enough to kneel down on the ground at the same time as the others did.

He remembered having a drunken arm wrestle with Nott.

He remembered trying to find the toilet and walking into a broom closet instead so he pissed into a mop bucket.

He remembered walking past Steven and Martin and giving them the finger because Draco had told him to.

He remembered seeing Severus forcing a pretty young brunette to the floor and making her unzip his trousers with her teeth.

He remembered listing the order in which he would like to fuck each girl in the room, including the other five children's parents and Pansy herself.

He didn't remember who came out on top.

He didn't remember any form of entertainment on the stage but did have some vague recollection of naked bodies up there.

He didn't remember ever seeing Voldemort again that night after the time he first entered.

He didn't remember seeing any of the other bonded children he was supposed to meet.

And he didn't remember who won the arm wrestle, no matter how much he tried.

There was one other time that Harry had quite a vivid recollection of even though he wished he hadn't.

Harry had come out of one of his drunken dozes to find a body on top of him. At first he tried to shove it off without opening his eyes but couldn't seem to shake it. When his body finally coordinated with his brain he managed to open his eyes to slits, as the light was too bright for anything more, but it was enough to see a girls face hovering over his, looking at him as if he was the last man on earth.

As soon as the girl noticed that Harry was now looking at her she smiled dazzlingly at him and swooped over him to land a searing kiss on his lips. Once she seemed satisfied with that the girl seemed to disappear just like that. That was until Harry felt a hand at his groin and heard a zip being unfastened. He understood perfectly what was happening but would be damned if he was going to stop it- or was even able to.

The girl certainly didn't beat around the bush and the next minute he felt a searing heat around his cock and he could only moan at the suddenness of it and the jarring to his head but also had to admit that it felt pretty good. Embarrassingly it was over almost before it had began, Harry's drunken state obviously not helping with his rather premature ejaculation.

Harry had then fallen back into his drunken doze.

He was awoken for the last time by a pinch to his ear. Thinking it was the girl back for more Harry groaned and opened one eye blearily only to see that it was Severus and he didn't look very pleased at all if the scowl on his face was anything to go by.

'I see you know your limits then.' He growled. Then he hoisted Harry up by his ear and had to steady him by putting an arm around his waist to keep him from falling back to the ground.

'We're going home- Now!'


	21. Slytherin Me

**Chapter 21 – Slytherin Me**

Harry had the distinct feeling that he was going to be pulled all the way home by his ear and he wasn't entirely sure how much it could take. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you see it Severus had to stop just outside the front gates so that Harry could expel the contents of his stomach on the ground and not all over Severus.

Once that was done with Severus grabbed him again but this time by the arm and dragged him a short distance more, this time with Harry complaining and whining the whole time.

'Geroff me … Oi, you're hurting me … oh, you're sooooo mean!'

Severus didn't reply to any of it and as soon as he got to a place he could apparate he grabbed hold of Harry and transported them to the top of Spinners end whereupon he deftly spun Harry away so that he again could vomit without it going all over him.

'Come.' Severus said as he turned and started walking back down the hill without even a backward glance to check that Harry was following.

Harry was following, it was just that he was a little way behind and the fact that he kept on falling over … six times to be exact. The first time it happened Harry hadn't realise the curb was there, the second time he ended up walking into a bush, the third time he simply tripped over his own feet, the fourth time he was looking at an owl that was hooting at him from a tree and trying to figure out what type it was so ended up walking into a lamppost. The fifth time he just fell into the road and the sixth time he had no idea what had caused it, he just found himself on the floor with no idea how he got there.

By the time he entered the hose both his knees and one of his elbows was bleeding but he never even noticed the pain. By this time Severus had already been in the house a good five minutes and came back into the room from the kitchen with a glass of water. He pushed Harry onto the couch and thrust the glass at him.

'Drink.' He said in a no nonsense voice.

Harry drank and spilled a good portion of the water down his front.

'Why did we have to apparate so far away from the house?' Harry whined.

'Safer.' Severus grunted, then he grabbed the empty glass out of Harry's shaking hand and pointed towards his bedroom.

'Bed! Now!'

Harry stumbled into the bedroom and the door was slammed shut before he'd managed to get himself completely through the doorway. So he ended up on the floor for the seventh time but this time he didn't bother to get up and didn't know if he could even if he tried.

The next morning Harry woke up to a pounding in his head, the likes of which he had never felt before. Once he had managed to take stock of his surroundings the first thing he did was to wonder why he was on the floor. Then he couldn't understand why he was still in his clothes from the night before and why he appeared to smell rather, well, rank!

After a minute or two some things started to slowly come back to him.

Party … death eaters … Malfoy … a green drink … vomiting into a mop bucket … blowjob!

Oh Merlin!

Harry ended up getting up so fast that his head spun so badly he almost blacked out. He soon managed to stumble his way into the bathroom and into the shower. It was only after the cold water was spilling over him that he remembered he still hadn't taken off his clothes. Not that it even mattered, they smelled so bad it was probably a good thing.

He somehow managed to disentangle himself from his clothes and throw them on the floor. Then he turned the temperature of the water up and had a proper shower. By the time he got out of the shower he felt a little better. He still had a terrible headache but at least he could walk straight now.

Once dressed Harry walked into the kitchen expecting to find Severus eating breakfast but it was empty. So Harry wandered into the living room, hoping to find him, and by association a hangover potion, in there but that too was empty. However Harry realised then why Severus was at least not eating breakfast. It wasn't morning. If the clock over the fireplace was to be believed it was one in the afternoon!

Harry stumbled back into the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea, it was all he could handle at the moment. The thought of eating anything made him feel sick. After accidentally spilling hot water on himself and holding his arm under the cold tap for five minutes he made his way back into the living room and plonked himself down on the couch, nursing his cup of tea. For the first time he noticed just how uncomfortable the couch actually was. Couldn't Severus even afford new furniture?

Five minutes later Harry had fallen back asleep, propped up in a sitting position on the couch and drooling slightly.

Twenty minutes after that he was woken up by a sharp pinch to his ear which at least reminded him of one thing that happened last night.

'Do you have to wake me up like that all the time?' Harry grumbled. 'You could just give me a nudge you know.'

'I did, the first time.' Severus said as he sat down opposite him and stared at him in an unnerving way.

'So … can I have a hangover potion?' Harry asked hopefully.

'No.' Severus replied.

'O-kay.' Harry dared not look at Severus so kept his eyes trained on the threadbare couch, waiting for the lecture he knew was coming.

'How **could **you let yourself get to that state?'

There it was.

Harry sighed. 'I really didn't mean to, it's just that I started off the night with such good intentions. I was trying to get to know my future dorm-mates but I could see they weren't going to be very accepting of me unless I started acting like them. Anyway Nott offered me this drink called … I can't remember. It was green.'

'Alchemists Thistle.' Severus said.

'Yes!' Harry said a bit too loudly, getting a bit more excited about remembering something. 'Yes, Alchemists Thistle. Anyway it was really toxic—'

'I dare say it is as it isn't even supposed to be drunk. It's main use is in the blood-boiling potion.'

Harry paled at that and Severus just smirked at him.

'Well I didn't know that.' He said.

'Obviously.' Severus replied with disdain. 'But you still knew it was toxic, didn't you? So why drink it?'

'Because Nott offered it to me.' Harry replied as if that was explanation enough. When Severus only replied with an incredulous raised eyebrow he hastily continued. 'I couldn't say no 'cause he was testing me. We all knew it. I had to taste or else they'd never have accepted me.'

'Be that as it may you didn't then have to have more.'

'By that time it was out of my hands … and my head.'

'Indeed.' Severus sat back against his chair and sighed. There was silence for a minute until Severus tiredly rubbed his hand over his eyes and with a greater effort than it should have been he sat back up.

'To be honest with you I'm not that angry with you. At least I'm not as angry as I should be with you.'

'Oh.' Harry said, hope dawning in his eyes. 'Why's that?'

'Because you were only doing what I was asking. At the beginning of the night I was actually very proud of you, when I saw you going over to the other Slytherins I could see you were really making the effort, against your better judgement.'

Harry nodded sagely. 'Yes, I really was.'

'And I also have to say that is the drunkest you are likely to ever get and you didn't say anything you shouldn't have and that was my only real fear. Well, that and liver problems.'

Harry burst out laughing.

'I'll go and get you some Hangover potion.' Harry's eyes lit up. 'But as punishment you have to find out each and every ingredient that goes in it before I give it to you.'

'What?' Harry said in horror.

'You may use any books I have on the shelves.' Severus continued, ignoring him. 'The sooner you start the sooner that headache goes away.'

'No it won't, you'll still be here!'

'Touché.'

Three days later Harry was invited back out to Invincible.

To say he wasn't look forward to it was a slight understatement. It was only slight because Harry was already planning to ditch his two 'friends' as soon as possible and head over to the muggle-style part of the club where he would at least feel more comfortable.

Also he had known it was coming as Martin and Steven had told him about it at the Death Eater party before he got so drunk he could no longer remember anything. In fact if he remembered rightly Steven had said something to the effect of that they had to give him an antidote to Malfoy lest Harry start turning into the bigot. Harry had found that quite amusing.

This time Harry chose the clothes he was going to wear himself, happy that they were not going to be as revealing as they were for the party. In fact he chose a casual dress robe over tight muggle jeans and a black T-shirt, which was much better all round.

However he couldn't help feeling a bit of nostalgia over the dress robe as it was a dark green colour, the same colour he used to wear when he had his mothers eyes and people used to comment on that. Harry turned away from the mirror before he could totally get lost in the memories and went off to find Severus.

Severus was in no mood to chaperone Harry so he opened the floo network for Harry to go straight to the Three Broomsticks where he would meet his friends.

This time they didn't bother hanging around at the Three Broomsticks for a drink, something Harry wasn't that happy about as he needed something to calm him first. Instead, as soon as Harry got there Steven and Martin ushered him towards the floo network, shoving his ticket in his face as he went.

'What's the rush?' Harry asked as he queued up for the fireplace.

'No rush.' Martin said.

'But you are half an hour late.' Steven continued.

'And I have a certain blond haired girl to meet up with.' Martin finished.

'Ah, I see now.' Harry said with a smug smile.

'Oh shut up.' Martin said as he bodily pushed Harry into the green flames.

He landed in the same antechamber as last time, although it was much busier this time around and was shoved out the way of the fireplace as Steven came sliding through.

'Sorry.' He said but the first rule of flooing is to vacate the fireplace as soon as you arrive.'

'Yeah, whatever. Let's get this over with.'

Steven laughed as they made their way through into the main hall and Harry's senses were again assaulted by all the faintly disturbing and very arousing scents and sights.

'Drinks first.' Steven said pushing his way towards the bar.

'But what about Natasha?' Martin whined, looking left and right and squinting past people in a hopeful manner.

'I'm sure she'll still be around after you've had a firewhiskey and I am bursting for a drink.' Steven continued.

Harry was about to make his move and opened his mouth to speak when it was almost filled with the biggest pair of breasts he had ever seen. He jerked away suddenly as a stick thin girl in a bikini that did nothing to hide her huge breasts blew a kiss at him as she walked past. Harry sub-consciously pulled his dress robes tighter around him as if that would fend her off.

Finally the three of them reached the overcrowded bar and Harry made his move.

'I'm just going to the loo first guys, all right.' Harry shouted over the music. 'When I get back I'll get my own drink and then I'll find you.'

'That's what we thought would happen last time and we didn't see you all night.' Martin said.

'I told you I was with Blaise, and we had fun so you don't need to worry if I don't come back. There's a couple of people I might know around here.'

'Like Malfoy and his cronies.' Steven couldn't help adding petulantly.

'I wasn't even thinking of him.' Harry replied. 'Anyway I've really got to go 'cause I've really got to gooooooo.'

'Oh go on, get out of here. Even though I don't think we're gonna see you again until the end of the night.' Martin said.

Harry didn't want to answer that because he didn't want to lie. The other two sauntered off anyway and Harry sighed when he finally realised he was on his own.

He started picking his way through the crowd to the door by the toilets that said 'No Admittance. Authorised Personnel Only' on it, but decided that he actually did need the toilet now so made a detour there and then wished he hadn't.

He sighed in relief as he pushed down on the handle of the door that was the gateway to the muggle club and walked straight in without even looking at where he was going. So it was that he ended up stepping right into a mop bucket. As he did so he put his hand out to steady himself and a load of brooms came crashing down on top of him and then a mop head before the avalanche finally ended with a dustpan and brush.

Harry looked about him in a daze before realising in horror that he was not in the muggle-style part of the club but was instead in a tiny storage cupboard. He finally managed to disentangle himself from the mops and brooms and was just stepping out of the cupboard when he was yanked fully out by the collar of his robe.

He found himself staring up at a heavy-set man who he assumed was a bouncer and he was not looking very happy.

'What in the name of Merlin do you think you are doing?' The man growled.

Harry was still trying to find his feet as the man was holding him an inch off the ground at the time. 'I-I thought this was the toilet.' He stammered out the first thing he could think of.

The man almost threw him across the floor towards the toilets. 'Well then can't you read?' He said. 'This door clearly says 'no admittance' while that one funnily enough says 'toilets'. Now using your obviously impressive powers of deduction which one do you think is the toilets?'

Harry shakily pointed his finger towards the toilets. 'Er, that one.' He said sheepishly.

'Oh, so there is a brain in there.' The man said as he turned and walked off.

Harry childishly stuck his tongue at the man's retreating back. However as soon as he was gone Harry went back to the door of the store cupboard, confused. He cautiously opened it and peered inside.

It was still just a store cupboard. Harry closed the door and leaned against it in confusion. He know he had the right door, so where was the other part of the club.

Maybe it was a by invitation only club. One of those 'if your names not on the list you're not coming in' kind of thing,' but of the magical kind. Maybe the only reason he was able to go in before was because he was with Blaise who was a member of the club.

Maybe the secret entrance to the club changed every day and you had to be privy to where the next entrance was going to be. Or maybe it only ran on the first Saturday of every month or on a half moon or every three days or only when it was raining.

Maybe it was like the room of requirement and you had to walk past the door three times or spin round in circles or sing baa baa black sheep at it.

There were just so many possibilities when magic was involved that it was hurting his head to think about it. Maybe the whole night had been a figment of his imagination but he didn't want to think of that. So finally he started to wander away with the vague thought of trying to find Blaise so he could ask.

He never did find Blaise. Instead he ended up drinking himself into a stupor and let himself be fondled by two blonde girls who looked like twins. They then dragged him onto the dance floor where he promptly fell over and decided he couldn't be bothered to get up again.

Everyone has a certain thing they do when they are drunk; Harry's thing was falling over.

Even once some bouncer had picked him up from the middle of the dance floor and dragged him off over to the corner he just let himself slide down the wall to the floor and sat there in a daze.

That's where he was found two hours later by Steven and Martin who had to bodily pick him up to get him out of the club.

His only thought the next morning was why oh why did he have to go and get himself drunk again. He had woken up completely disorientated and rolled over from his back onto his side only to roll over onto his own sick. It was one of the most disgusting things he could remember doing in a long time and it got him out of bed pronto.

Of course this only made his head feel worse but he still managed to wobble his way into the bathroom and to the shower. At least this time he had seemed to manage to strip down to his boxers last night before getting into bed.

As he let the water cascade over him he was thankful for the fact that he felt better this morning then he did the morning after the party. At least he stopped himself from getting that drunk again. Of course he knew this was because he got drunk only on firewhiskey last night and not alchemists carduu. He would never touch that stuff again.

He finally got out the shower and started getting dressed but even while doing so he wondered why he felt like he had to drink himself into a stupor when he couldn't get into the other part of the club instead of at least giving Invincible a go. Now that he thought about it Invincible was no worse then the Death Eater party a few nights ago. In fact it was infinitely better and he at least tried to join in then didn't he? So what was his problem and why couldn't he just roll with whatever came for him.

When he came out into the living room it was apparent that he had missed breakfast- again.

It soon also became apparent that Severus wasn't in the house and Harry had the fleeting thought that maybe he had been with Narcissa Malfoy all night instead but it was obvious that he had been here at some time this morning if the smell of strong coffee that lingered in the air was anything to go by.

So Harry decided it was worth the risk of sneaking into Severus stores to nick a hangover potion. He knew where they were kept now. Annoyingly the potion happened to be on the top shelf of the storeroom meaning Harry had to grab the stepladder and drag it over to the correct place. This bit wasn't too bad but the grating noise the ladder made as he dragged it across the floor would set Harry's teeth on edge on a normal day. But today it was ten times worse as the noise went straight inside his brain and seemed to swirl it around a bit.

However it is never a good idea to try and make your way up a ladder, no matter how small, when you have the worlds worst hangover. Well … the worlds second worst hangover. Apart from a slight wobbly moment at the top of the ladder when he felt a slight moment of vertigo Harry made it up and back down in one piece. He downed the bottle of potion so fast he ended up choking on it which made his headache flare up for a moment before the potion started to work.

Finally feeling he could eat something Harry made his way into the kitchen to make something for his lunch. He decided on an omelette as it was quick and easy. Unfortunately he ended up burning the omelette so that it stuck to the frying pan and he had to scrape it all off onto a plate. He ate it anyway grumbling the whole time about how it was like being back in potions class.

Severus got back around four in the afternoon and as usual didn't bother to tell Harry where he had been or even talk to him at all. Instead he went straight into the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea. He looked extremely irritated- and that's saying something, as he always looks irritated.

When he came back out into the living room he not only had a cup of tea in his hand but a plate of chocolate biscuits. He set them on the battered coffee table opposite where Harry was reclined on the couch reading his new DADA textbook and then took a seat on the couch.

Harry looked up at Severus wearily but his foul mood seemed to have waned slightly and he just looked exhausted. He waved his hand a the plate of biscuits as if to say 'take one.' Harry gratefully grabbed one, feeling very hungry after his unsatisfying omelette.

He took a drink from his glass of pumpkin juice and after another weary glance at the potions master he turned back to his book. There were still times when he did not have any idea how to act around his father and this was one of those times.

After only a couple of minutes however, Severus broke the silence with the last thing Harry expected him to say.

'I have just had a private meeting with the Dark Lord.'

That got Harry's attention. He put the book down and just stared at Severus, not quite knowing what to say.

'Oh.' He said finally. 'And what did he want this fine morning?'

'To know how the bond was going.' Severus replied.

Harry put down his glass of pumpkin juice with a crash, glad he hadn't actually had any as he knew he would be choking on it right now. 'And what did you tell him?'

Severus sighed slowly and started rubbing the back of his neck sub-consciously. 'I told him it was progressing well and that you were doing most of things I asked of you with no problem. I did still say that the couple of times I have really tested the bond and asked you to do something you really didn't want to you have rebelled and refused to do so and that it is to be expected that you would as you can fight off imperius in the same manner.

'However I know the bond is supposed to be stronger, the magic is darker and more suppressing so I can't keep this lie up forever. But anyway for now he wants me to continue as I supposedly have done and keep pushing the bond.'

He paused and looked at Harry to see how he was taking it but Harry just nodded slowly as if Severus was telling him about the weather. So he continued.

'It is normally around this time that he asks the bonded child to come in so he can test the bond himself but he believes he should wait a bit longer with you and let me be the one to command you of what to do instead of him.'

'Well that's a relief.' Harry said.

'Not much of one.' Severus said. 'He has given me a task to give to you for you to start on when you go back to Hogwarts and he expects it to be done or else I will be punished.'

'You but not me?' Harry asked raising an eyebrow.

'Yes, that is the way the Dark Lord works. He punished Draco for the fact that his father got caught by giving him an impossible task and is now punishing Lucius for the fact that Draco could not complete the task he knew he wouldn't be able to.'

'Huh, okay. So what's the task?' Harry asked.

Severus raised an eyebrow at him. 'You are being surprisingly calm about this.' He remarked.

'I don't know about that, I haven't heard what the task is yet. Once I know then we'll see if I remain calm.'

'Well you will be pleased to know that it is an easy one to start off with. He wants you to go back down into the chamber of secrets to retrieve some things for him that he has left there and most importantly he wants you to do it without being detected.'

'Well I can see why he has asked me to do that.'

'Indeed.' Severus said. 'Anyway I have some instructions here on where to go and what to pick up for him- mostly books I might say, and more importantly what not to pick up! Some of the items are very dark and may give you quite a nasty surprise.'

'I'm confused.' Harry said, eyebrows scrunching together in thought. 'There were no books there when I was last down and nowhere that looked like it could store books either. Not that I could see. It was just a big chamber.'

'Not that you could see! That is the key here and do you have to look so constipated when you're thinking. It is not a good look and makes you appear to be as dumb as Crabbe and Goyle.'

'Oi.' Harry said, getting up in his anger. 'I can deal with the constipated remark but that is going too far.'

With that he stormed off to his room, Severus chuckling in his wake.

An hour later Harry was bored, venturing out into the living room to find it empty he simply followed the noises of pots and pans clinking together until he made his way into the kitchen. Severus was in there setting up the ingredients for what they were going to have for dinner. He acknowledged Harry's presence with a slight grunt.

'Can we get out of here tonight? I'm bored!' Harry said in a whiny voice.

Severus simply raised an eyebrow at him as if to ask what brought this on.

'It's just that we don't have to be careful anymore because the people who were trying to kill me are not anymore and my appearance has changed anyway. I could walk past Ron and Hermione without them batting an eye.'

'You may not need to be careful but I do.' Severs said. 'In case you fail to remember I am a wanted man.'

'Yeah but you could just wear a glamour or drink some polyjuice like you did for Diagon Alley and Blackpool. You must want to get out of here too.'

'In fact I go out more than you do but hardly to places I actually want to be.' Severus replied. 'Anyway you went out last night.'

'Again not to a place I wanted to be. And I don't count it anyway because I simply flooed from place to place and I will only count non-Slytherin type outings- like Blackpool!'

'Fine. I guess you need a change from all things Slytherin. If you help me with the dinner now I will take you out somewhere afterwards.'

'You make it sound like a date. Where are you going to take me?'

'A candlelight dinner in the park! Now, boil some water for the rice.'

'Yes, Sir!' Harry said, reaching for a saucepan. 'What are we making?' He asked, noticing all the different spices that Severus had laid out on the counter top.

'I thought we would go for something oriental so I'm making chicken tikka masala.

'What's that, a type of curry?' Harry asked.

'Yes.' Severus said with a sigh. 'As you so eloquently put it, a type of curry.'

An hour and a half later Harry had just finished setting the table as Severus brought the steaming hot dishes to the table. Harry had to admit he had actually enjoyed helping Severus make the dinner. It was certainly nothing like trying to help him with potions.

Harry sat down and placed his napkin on his lap, waiting for Severus to take the first bite.

'Why were you so much better when teaching me how to cook then you ever were teaching me potions.' Harry asked.

'Because first of all you are a better cook then you are a potions maker so you don't irritate me so much and secondly, if you add a little too much Paprika you won't blow up the kitchen.'

'Okay, so I get that potions are a little more volatile and you have to be a bit more precise.'

'Understatement of the century.' Severus muttered.

Harry ignored him. 'But if you had a little more patience with people you wouldn't get so many of them blowing up the potions classroom.'

'I disagree. If you give students a knut they take a sickle. The only thing they will listen to in the end is shouting and orders. And anyway I find potions so stimulating and bewitching that I have no time for people who don't understand the intricacy of it.'

'Good thing you're a teacher then.' Harry said with a smirk, taking another bite of chicken. 'This is very good by the way. Maybe you should be a teacher of home economics in a muggle school if you have more patience with it.'

'Hah, muggle children wouldn't last an hour with me. I think the main reason I like it is because I don't have to teach it. You were surprisingly good with making this dish, I just wish you could make potions like that.'

'Believe me, so do I.' Harry finished his meal and pushed his plate away with a yawn. 'So, what are the instructions for this task?'

Severus raised an eyebrow at the change of subject. I haven't got the parchment on me but from what I can gather you have to crawl into Salazar Slytherin's mouth, which The Dark Lord said is where the Basilisk would have crawled out from.'

'Ew, perfect.' Harry said with distaste.

'I know the basilisk was wandering the pipes at times but there still must be a big enough space back there to hide him comfortably while he was sleeping.'

'I suppose so. And that would be a reason why I wouldn't have seen anything in the chamber that he says is there.'

'Exactly.' Severus said. 'There are a couple of enchantments and passwords to get through until you get to what I understand is a study of sorts. They are all in parseltongue obviously.'

'Obviously.' Harry drawled.

'Severus looked at Harry searchingly for a moment over his glass of wine.

'What?' Harry asked shortly.

'It's just that I can't believe you are taking this so well.' He replied.

'Well how exactly did you expect me to take it, I mean I could have a worse task. I actually think this could be quite interesting.'

'Don't get me wrong, I think you are being very mature about this. It is just unexpected, that's all. Why the sudden change?'

'Well.' Harry said, trying to choose his words carefully. 'I guess I've decided to just roll with things.'

Severus looked at him, perplexed. 'I'm not quite sure what you're getting at.' He said. 'Unless it's some weird take on an Oasis song.'

Harry laughed. 'You know Oasis?'

'Well I may have heard of a few of their songs. After all I had a muggle father so I'm not ignorant of all things muggle like some of the purebloods are. And they are a famous muggle group.'

Harry still couldn't help but smirk at the thought of Severus listening to Oasis songs. 'So do you like them?' He asked.

'I have no feelings for them either way but can we get back to the original purpose of what you were saying.'

Harry sighed as he thought about how to explain.

'Well ever since this whole thing started I've just wished things would return to the way they were before. Before I got kidnapped and found out I was your son and had to pretend to be on The Dark Lord's side and be friends with death eater children and not being able to see my friends.'

Harry stopped to draw in a breath as he had been speaking very fast.

'And so I didn't want to change because I liked how things were before and I liked how I was before. I didn't want to become this other person who fucks and smokes and drinks and acts like fucking Draco Malfoy, because that isn't me.

'But now I just think it's time to stop trying so hard to be the me I was before because it's just too damn hard. Which obviously means that I am really not that person anymore so why pretend. I need to accept and move on and fit in and become a proper little Slytherin. And most of all I need to lose my fucking virginity because it's annoying me and all the other kids keep teasing me about it.'

To his credit Severus didn't smirk or laugh at that he just had this very pensive look about him.

'I know this will sound strange because of what you just said but I think you are being very grown up about it and I also think this will make things so much easier for you because like you said you are not the golden boy anymore and the sooner you accept that the better and easier it will be for you.

'You don't have to pretend about anything or do anything you really don't have to do but at the same time you can let go and have fun without worrying about the consequences. Because whether you're happy about it or not you have changed and you have been in denial about it.'

Harry sighed and picked up his glass of wine. He took a sip and smiled wryly at Severus. 'Yeah, I have been in denial and that's going to stop right now. Here's to the new Slytherin me.'

Severus also picked up his glass of wine and they clinked glasses. Then they drank.


End file.
